“Oh, praise the Lord, 'tis a miracle!”
“Don’t worry about it. It only took me a few minutes to swap the heads.”
“A four-loaf cleaver”.
‘The woman in church has hope in her soul.’
“I think I’ll snatch a kiss and go.” 
‘She came home with a big red snapper.’
“Well, you sure do now!”
“She’d heard that most accidents happen in and around the home.”
‘After a couple of weeks the Marines became ashamed of what they were doing, and buried her.’
‘Oh. I’m sorry about Beirut.’
“Why? Don’t you have a vase?”
“Last year, I raised a thousand cocks.”
The woman in church has hope in her soul.
“He cries whenever we take the pacifier out of his rear.”
Lefty.
Slight of hand.
“I’m sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?”
“In that case, he didn’t hear it from me.”
“I could never get into the habit.”
“Nun, Your Honor.”