I’d been saving this for a Broadway Show… but its time:
A Simple Tavern Song:
♫ Gosh it disturbs me to see you Con Rump
♫ Looking so down in the Dumps
♫ Every guy here’d like to be you, Con Rump
♫ Even when taking your lumps
♫ There’s no man in town as admired as you
♫ You’re everyone’s favorite guy
♫ Everyone’s awed and inspired by you
♫ (I’d say ‘oh-me-too’ but then you’d know that’s… A LIE…!)
♫ No one’s sick as The Con
♫ No one’s slick as The Con
♫ No one’s head’s quite incredibly thick as The Con
♫ For there’s no man in court half as manly
♫ (Next to Marge Greene, he’s a pure paragon!)
♫ You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
♫ (“He’s In Air Farce One? Oh Thank Heavens! He’s Go-ooooone…!”)
♫ No one’s lies are thin like the Con
♫ No one’s The Kingpin like the Con
♫ Or has a more punchable chin like the Con
♫ “As a Specimen yes, I’m Intimidating…!”
♫ (So says the lard ass named the Con…)
♫ Who tweets Darts like The Con?
♫ Who cools Hearts like The Con
♫ Who the turns NATO like Eggsalad Farts like The Con!
♫ As a specimen, yes, he’s intimidating!
♫ (He likes spilled “Speciman Cups”, Does That Con!!!)
♫ No one fights like The Con
♫ No one Bites like The Con
♫ No one takes ‘Stupid’ to daring New Heights like The Con
♫ For there’s no one else as ‘burly and brawny’ /s
♫ He’s got biceps and large hands too. (lol)
♫ And there is just not one sunburn apon him
♫ Because every last inch of him has thick orange goo…!
♫ No one throws fits like the Con
♫ Matches wits like the Con
♫ Fills Depends with Presidential S***s like the Con
♫ He’s especially good at expectorating
♫ (Bring Kleenex to debates with the Con)
♫ When he was a lad, he sucked 4 dozen eggs
♫ Every morning to help him get large
♫ Now that he’s grown, he sucks 5 dozen eggs
♫ So his butt’s roughly the size of a barge…!
♫ No one Toots like the Con
♫ Rapes the Beauts like the Con
♫ Cheats on his wife while wearing boots like the Con
♫ “I use Top Secrets in all of my Decorating!”
♫ Oh what a slime… Oh what a slime… Oh What a Slime… Is The Con…!"