A poll for guys... be honest.

In My Humble Opinion
41

Pre-wife: 'Eh. Never really crossed my mind.
With wife: Oh, absolutely. It makes sex soooo much better. The intimacy definitely enhances the experience. We’re to the point now where unless one of us is orgasming, our eyes are locked. It just makes us feel…I dunno…more connected, I suppose. Whatever it is, it works.

As I go back now and re-read that, I think it comes down to this – before my wife, I was rarely thinking of the person I was with. Didn’t matter who it was, my mind was on someone else (ironicly, there were times I would think of someone I had slept with in the past, even though I hadn’t been thinking of that person when I was actually was with them. Lotsa material for Fruedian types there, I suppose). But once I started becoming intimate with my wife (well, wife-to be, at the time), that all went out the window. She is someone who definitely knows how to command every bit of my attention. :wink:

Two words for you: Mirrored Headboard. :smiley:

42

warning pessimistic assumption coming up warning
IF you can’t lock eyes… then you have not found “the one”. Well, if you like the eye contact during sex thing, that is. My SO is the one, though… and I want to please him but I’m too damn shy. I should just make myself and be done with it, even if he laughs at the stupid face I make. Don’t guys ever worry about making dumb facial expressions at the moment of climax? Or even just a funny looking pleasure face during sex in general?

Part of his charm is his wit and he likes to pick on people (in a fun way, not harmful or mean-- well, logically I know this) and he’s got a long memory. I’ve mentioned before that criticism toward me is met with hurt and there are times his humor makes me wonder (when I’m upset, logic goes out the window). TMI, Spider… ugh.

43

Honestly, eye contact kind of freaks me out. I’m a VERY shy person most of the time, and it makes me feel like I’m on the spot, and have to say/do something. I don’t talk during sex, for fear of saying something stupid. I little look every now and then is OK, but I don’t think I could go a whole session staring at my SO.

I don’t think that “the one” will be someone I will be able to stare at, or what have you. I just find it uncomfortble, is all, and I think it will be that way regardless of who it is. And eye contact during oral sex is the worst. For one, all three GF’s I have had went out of their way to let me know they did not enjoy giving BJ’s, and as such I rarely got them. When they looked me in the eye I felt odd and bad, almost like I was forcing them to go down on me. And, seeing as most of the time I had to ask for it, and I despise asking for things in bed because I’m shy and so forth, it just emphasized the idea that they wanted to be doing anything else but having my penis in their mouth at that time.

44

No offense, SS, but I think I can say for quite a few of us that we’re just happy to be there.

And of course we make dumb facial expressions. I even saw a hysterical sketch on Cedric the Entertainer’s show for “Herbal Essences…For Men!” that had a guy in the shower making our goofy “pleasure” faces.

45

Maybe this is just me, but I figure if she’s making strange faces, it probably means I’m doing something right. And if I know she’s enjoying it enough to just let go, then it’s both an ego boost for me and a huge turn on.

Look at the faces people make in porno movies, if guys didn’t like that sort of thing, they wouldn’t do it.

46

I’m going to post here even though I am not a guy. I understand the inadequacies you feel, SS, since I too did not understand for a long time how my husband could find me sexy when I did not. I understand too about taking things meant in jest too personally. That issue needs out of the bedroom communication to fix.

If you are shy about eye contact start slow. Just try and catch his eye a time or two and when you’re more comfortable then hold his gaze a little longer.

And if you’re worried about the funny faces - really watch him the next time he has an orgasm. That should help ease your self consciousness :slight_smile: Robin Williams sums it all up nicely “We look like Goddamned Goofy!”

47

bouv, I’ve always thought that most women enjoyed giving BJ’s, I certainly do. It revvs me up something fierce! I just can’t look him in the eye when I do because I’m shy. I also like dirty talk but I don’t want to sound like a lame porno actress or that I’m a demanding bitch so I just keep it to a few words.

I’ll try looking when my SO orgasms, see what he looks like. Hopefully, he’s not staring at me at that particular moment. I can’t imagine anyone having their eyes open at that moment of such intense pleasure anyway, male or female.

GMRyujin… you know, your post didn’t really make me feel any better. “Just happy to be there” sounds like any ol’ female would do and no effort made is that special. I want him to want ME for a reason. I often wonder how true this statement is: guys will fuck anything that moves. You may not take her out into the daylight or in front of your friends but getting sex is better than not getting sex, right? That’s a huge compliment, let me tell you. :rolleyes:

We have talked before and he assures me I revv his engine, whether we climax or not. He does mention flexibility a lot, which is technically a good thing but I’m sorry, I’m not a friggin’ gymnast and probably never will be. Sometimes, I just want to tell him to dump me (that’s the over-emotional part of me) and find his dream girl. An example: I cut my hair recently and he just says he likes me with long hair. I don’t have a lot of time to style my hair everyday and so I cut it. I feel bad for cutting it since I know he likes long hair but I just don’t have time to deal with it. I’m probably making a mountain… eh? I usually do. Maybe I"m just PMSing,…

48

Yes I like it. On the rare occasions that you can lock eyes and not close them during orgasm it results in very fulfilling orgasms.

49

Can’t say I’ve ever thought about it. I’m more into feeling and tasting that I am seeing.

SS, your guy has got a warm, lovely naked female body in his hands, soft lips and tasty nipples to kiss, the smell of your sweat and perfume, and loves hearing you moan and sigh. Looks are unimportant at that stage.

50

Yes, I like it when her eyes are open and focused on me during sex.

It’s a subliminal complement that is unparalleled.
It lets me know that she is thinking about me and not off on an inner fantasy with some other man.

There’s also what I call the “Naughty Girl” factor:
If we’re engaged in something we both consider “kinky” and her eyes are open and focused on me, it sends the message; “I’m being naughty and I like it.”

51

I will have to say that I agree with most of the posters so far.

While eye contact during the entire encounter is certainly not necessary, eye contact during entry and orgasm are very important. During oral sex, yes, it is a huge turn on…though I also like my lady to play with her hair, so it’s a trade-off.

Quite often, eye contact all the way through is impossible- the height differential can sometimes leave you with motion sickness if you try to keep contact, sometimes it just feels too good to keep your eyes open, and you have to just close them and submerge yourself in the sensation. But eye contact certainly adds something to intimacy.

Of course, by the same token, I feel the same way about kissing- even though things can get very furious and vigorous, taking a moment to kiss deeply is essential to good sex.

52

“Do I like eye contact during sex?”

Yes. Kinda difficult to maintain it all the way through, though.

53

Bingo!

I didn’t think to mention that aspect before, but that’s definitely a part of it too.

And just a note (maybe TMI) to add that keeping eyes open and locked during orgasm is not only possible (for both male and female), it is intensely pleasurable (at least, for this male it is).

I understand your insecurities, Sanguine… both my wife and I felt the same way at first. It was hard to start looking at each other. But now that we do, I’d say it definitely adds to the experience. Take others’ advice and work up to it, if you really want to. I think you’ll find that it’s wirth the effort.

And for what it’s worth, I doubt that your SO is lying about how he feels about your sexual performance. Time to recognize that most of those doubts you have are coming from your own insecurities, not from him. I’ve had to do some of the same thing… I know that’s hard too.

54

Eye contact? This sounds about as easy as maintaining eye contact while you’re both on horseback.

55

My question, regarding keeping your eyes open, would be “how”??? How do you expect a girl to concentrate and keep her eyes open and look into yours when it’s so overwhelmingly wonderful it’s all she can do to not float right off of the bed (or table, or counter, etc :D)??

I can look into my (former) boyfriend’s eyes somewhat, but not when sex is at its most intense and best, I can’t concentrate well enough, my eyes just close naturally at that point.

56

SanguineSpider: most of this was typed out before I came across the disclosure of your insecurities. I don’t know what I can say to help you there, except to say that I sympathize because I’ve been insecure about one or two things in my life as well. Although it doesn’t necessarily address your exact problems, I will post my original reply regarding “eyes open or eyes closed” anyway, for whatever it may be worth. Obviously there are those here who feel differently about the issue that I. So then:

As Soapbox Monkey pointed out, a lot of eye contact might make a guy even more nervous than he is already, which for some guys is pretty significant, especially with a new lover. If you do make a lot of coital eye contact with your lucky man, please make sure what he sees in your gaze in something good–-passion, love, lust, whatever. But man, if I locked stares with a girl during sex and I thought she looked bored or something . . .

Of course, ten years or so into a relationship, things are quite a bit different. Then, in most cases I imagine, eye contact would be a good thing. And if it wasn’t, it would probably be something that had been worked out nine-and-a-half years ago. Even then, however, it might (as Art and others suggested) be distracting.

Just remember, eye contact in nature (monkeys, dogs, humans) usually has something to do with some sort of challenge or with intimacy. I don’t know if challenging your partner is such a good thing (sometimes maybe). And sex need not be very intimate.

You know, it’s sort of like having a conversation. You want to look your partner in the eye, but you probably don’t want to drill holes through his skull with the power of your stare. You know?

Personally, I don’t usually care one way or the other so long as the open or closed or averted eyes are natural and fit the mood.

Finally, if you’re just plain uncomfortable doing something, then don’t do it. Especially something like eye contact. I don’t see (no pun intended) why this should ultimately be such a big deal. Especially in a world of group sex, peanut butter fetishes, and bloodplay.

Good luck!

57

I like short eye contact… too long bothers me a bit…

58

Thanks guys and girls for your posts on this. I am going to work up to it and hopefully my shyness will evaporate at the appropriate times. I hope what my SO sees will turn him on and not make him think I’m bored or disinterested, or even worse… funny-looking.

59

My eyes are usually closed. When they have been open, hers were closed, or partially closed, and not really looking at anything.

60

I am a female so can’t speak for the male mind. My husband though and one other previous SO did request (and of course my husband still does) eye contact during sex. It is incredibly intimate to look into the other person’s eyes whether during foreplay or sex. I can relate to the insecurity thing. I worry that he has been other more experience women than me and I am probably boring though. Of course he doesn’t say anything like that, always compliments me and tells me how hot and sexy I am, that he is happy, etc so I have to assume he is. I think a lot of female insecurity comes from magazines that tell you how you are suppose to act or watching adult films that make you feel like you should be that way , etc. In general though, I think most men would rather know you are having a good time being with them and living in that moment of intimate and yet primal pleasure.