A Poll: How Much Does Hell Want You?

Based on this photograph (that’s elsewhere on the Internet as well)

I’m somewhere between an 8 and an 11- it depends on whether I have to count the “lesbian pagan sports fan until graduation” phase I went through in college.

The nice thing is that rape and murder seem to be on the house now.

Well, shit. I’d better get to the gym if I want to fit into that handbasket, I guess. At least I’m not a child molester, psychic, pagan, lesbian, witch, or pot smoker. Or prostitute.

By the way, if you’re wondering what the difference is between a lesbian and a homosexual, it has to do with how they’re gestated. Lesbians grow from the top of the uterus down while homosexuals grow from the bottom up.

Eh, you’re still young. Just view it as a kind of Bucket List.

Sports fans? Might as well start packing the marshmallows and hot dogs now.

Depends whether golf counts as a sport for the purposes of eternal damnation.

I’ve only got a 9? That can’t be right. Hmm. Seems low.

I think my personal favorite is fornicators. They do know that like, 95% of people who get married have sex beforehand, right?

I’m at least 55% wanted by hell. Can heaven claim any of these people as well, or does hell always get the higher draft pick? Because if all the people who fit into any of the 22 categories all go to hell, then heaven must be a damn lonely place.

I liked that Hypocrites is on there. Otherwise: Porn-lovers and Masturbators? I’m only going to score myself 1 point for that pair. I mean, you’re not really LOVING your porn without the masturbation. Same with athiests and evolutionists.

So I’ll say maybe 5 points for me.

I suppose it’s theoretically possible to be an atheist creationist (you believe the universe was created by Leonardo da Vinci perhaps) who loves porn for its aesthetic value but doesn’t wank to it.

I lead a boring life - only 4. I’m not opposed to several of the other things - they just don’t float my boat.

Lucky 13! I assume if you did it once and haven’t repented doing it, it still counts.

OK, but then I insist this person score himself a point for hypocrite. Or maybe for liar.

I’m somewhere around 6.

At least a third of these boil down to “having fun without permission”. Several of the rest basically mean “thinking for yourself”. Two are “members of competing religions”. Only 4 or 5 are actually evil in my opinion.

That is a funny sign!

I feel sorry for all the psychics. They must know they’re hell bound, and all for having the gift – I mean CURSE of seeing the future.

God only watched the Superbowl for the commercials.

I’m so ashamed. I only got a 5. Shit!

I knew I should have taken up sports-watching. I don’t even get credit for sloth/gluttony/envy.

Clearly admission standards are getting tougher, and I’ve been coasting like it’s my back-up school.

Good to see all that hand-shaking counts, though.

Heheh. Sports fans. Wouldn’t that doom just about every Christian in America? I’ve never met a self-proclaimed Christian who wasn’t somewhat irrationally (from my perspective) into watching and following sports.

Not the record, but I scored 11!

For stuff like thief, I figured if I did it once, it counted (to them, anyway).

Missed the edit window, but I scored a 5. Not a sports fan so that helped. Whew! :slight_smile:

Hell, if that’s the standard we might have a lot more homosexuals.

Well, I only got a 4. But, since I still consider myself a Christian, I guess I can add hypocrite! So I’m a 5!

ETA: With 28 responses so far, we’ve got a nice bell curve going.