A really cool site, and guys that can't get laid

OK, a little background:
I was hanging out with my friend Steve tonight. He’s a really sweet guy, and I would so go out with him in a heartbeat if I weren’t already with the man of my dreams. But, he seems to have a lot of trouble getting a girl. He always talks to me about it (but not in a whiney “I’m so pathetic, feel sorry for me” kind of way) and I really wish I could help him out. I don’t know what to tell him, since I can’t fathom any girl not wanting him. (And actually, he’s had plenty of girls want him, but they never told him until too late.)
Anyway, we were talking, and he showed me this really awesome website, called Chicks Suck. I was kind of wary at first (what a title, huh?), but it turned out to be a really cool site about a guy just like Steve. He seems to be really sweet, but he can’t get a date to save his life. I feel really bad for him.
Anyway, I just thought that I’d share this site, maybe ask if anybody out there is having this problem, too, or what advice they might have. My only solution would be that I date Steve (I’d really like to!), but I think Carl would get upset! :slight_smile:


Why sex is better than religion: You can scream “Oh, God” during sex, but just trying saying “Oh, f***” in church!

Judging by the response to the Gary Coleman thread, I bet there are a lot of males around this site who might have something to add.

I do too, even though there was a time I used to have healthy romantic relationships. That was before all the single women were secretly abucted by aliens. Or else, a huge number of extra men were secretly planted on Earth by aliens.

The women I know who are most friendly and outgoing are the ones who are married or have serious boyfriends. If she is friendly and outgoing and seems definitely available, she still has a serious boyfriend. At least, she is serious about him. He might have a whole harem full of deluded women, which would explain how there can be so few single women in a population theoretically balanced between males and females.

The other scourage of my romantic undeath (I don’t call it a “romantic life” because it wouldn’t be accurate) is the semi-attached female - a woman who is not attached by her standards, but is quite unavailable by mine. If she has an ex-boyfriend in another city, who she visits and has sex with periodically, she isn’t really available. If she has broken up with someone, she is unavailable for several weeks at a minimum.

This of course means that by my standards, a women can be unavailable her whole life, since there are so many women who don’t really take a breather between boyfriends. I’ve known plenty of people - all female - who might date the same guy for several months. I’ll see her one weekend, think, If only she were single … then I’ll see her two weeks later, and she’s with a different guy. She might have theoretically been single for a few hours or even days in there somewhere, but it’s completely irrelevant.

Some of these things are mentioned on the website. I didn’t particularly like that site, since the individual who wrote it seems preoccupied with sex. Yeah whatever all guys are supposed to be preoccupied with sex well I’m not so put that in yer pipe and smoke it. Sure, I miss sex, but I also miss cuddling, looking at moonlight, giggling about nothing, backrubs, and phone calls to say nothing but I love you.

But then, I’m not a real man and I never claimed to be one, which might be why women find me so fun to ignore. I’m not saying women just want sex, but they pretty definitively just want men who just want sex.

Yeahyeah, I know that’s not true, since everybody says it’s not true, but my experience says exactly that - men who are purely interested in sex have vastly more success than idiots like myself who maintain some hope for fulfilling romantic love. There is absolutely no way to predict chemistry between a man and a woman, so in order to find a woman who is interested, a man needs to make dozens or hundreds of overtures, and thus must be able to take getting rejected dozens or hundreds of times.

Is it easier to face getting rejected by a hundred women you see as sex objects, or by a hundred women you see as human beings?

Nothing I write about any person or group should be applied to a larger group.

  • Boris Badenov

Boris, I am single by almost any standard you apply to me.

Will you marry me?

Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.–Coleridge

Apart from the having previous relationships, what Boris said!
To the letter!

Hero For A New Millennium!

The Legend Of PigeonMan - updates every Wed & Sat

I’ll marry you Michelle, but after the honeymoon’s over, one of us is going to be facing a hell of a commute every day.

The problem, as Boris describes, is that the overwhelming majority of good potential mates are already involved in a relationship. So someone, like me or Boris or Michelle or Guano, has to essentially be willing to step into and break up an existing relationship in order to find someone for ourselves.

Odds are that there are thousands, even millions of single women out there. Anyone know where they’re hiding ?

You’re so nice! I wish I had a boyfriend just like you! But not you… we’re too good of friends.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I’m trying to decide whether or not to visit that site. Except for the complete lack of romantic love in my life for the past few years, I’m pretty happy with my lot right now. If I open myself up to the misery of being nuable toeven find a date, I’m liable to start crying right here at work, and I’m supposed to be going out tonight to celebrate my new job.

I do have one non-manual sexual outlet, sort of – my best friend from college. We’re separated by half a country, but either of us can count on the other for sex when we’re together. I don’t like doing this, though. First, sex is much better when there’s love attached and, while I love her, it’s not that sort of love. Second, we have certain incompatibility issues that make it less enjoyable for me. Third, I don’t like using people, even willing people. Fourth, I don’t like needing a crutch.

I’m a nice guy. I have a good sense of humor. I’m not unattractive, though I’m not tall and I’m overweight. I dress reasonably well. I cook. I clean. I like animals. I want marriage and children. I have a good career going. Why can’t I find a mate? did I use up my chances with the last two women I was with?

Oh, add to the above list – I’m now quite depressed. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten into this discussion. I guess I’ll look at that website after all.

–Da Cap’n
“Playin’ solitaire 'til dawn
With a deck of fifty-one.”

Just read the site. Got me thinking. It seemed to me that the reason the guy wasnt getting any was that he was an egotistical, mysogynistic, bastard. Even if he was writing in jest, his bitterness was obvious. Calling chicks chicks, harping on how stupid chicks are… he may not talk like that in real life, but I’m sure it comes through.

My next thought is how much that sounds like me. I’m a little more realistic though… I don’t hate women, I hate myself for lacking the courage to be able to approach one. But even with that, I still get damn resentful every time I hear about one of my very platonic girlfriends talk about the jerk du jour hitting or screwing around on them, and how great the sex was the other night. It’s like the best way to keep a girl is to alternate between calling her beautiful and calling her a slut.

Another thing I hate about myself is how irrationally angry I get about the whole thing. I see a good looking girl hanging on some drunk jock, I want to go pound him. I see a group of girls giggling together and I stalk away mad at them for grouping up so that I can’t talk to one. And if god forbid I should muster the courage to say hi to someone, I invariably walk away beaten because I’m so terrified of the situation that I can’t even get words out straight.

The whole thing is so rediculous. I’m nice, girls befriend me. I get bitter, girls run away. I get a girl, I turn nice again and she runs.

I guess there’s hope… for some reason women in their 30’s love me, so perhaps women do eventually learn to like (usually) nice guys like me (then again, maybe it’s because I’m 10 years out of fashion, what with the long hair and all that). But really, at the rate that I’m going, by that time all I’ll care about is making money and screwing 18 year olds.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

There are people I meet on the internet, and then move up to phone calls, who say I’m the perfect male, and are amazed at how sweet and romantic and wonderful I am etc etc. And every single one of these women have never actually met me, and are unlikely to because they live on the opposite side of the planet to me.

Anyone local that I meet seems to slot me in the ‘let’s just be friends’ box immediately. Immediately!

And it’s not about sex, because if that’s all we wanted we could pay for it. It’s got nothing to do with that at all - it’s an intimate relationship we want. A girlfriend.

Hero For A New Millennium!

The Legend Of PigeonMan - updates every Wed & Sat

Gosh, I am single,and nobody is e-mailing ME! :wink:

Ah Cess, what a site. I can see why he’s not getting a girl. First, his name for them is
‘chicks’ second his assentment of them is
‘chicks suck.’ Plus he has lots of writing about his girl friends’ on the site, which is sure to piss them off if they ever read it [so don’t count on them coming back].

Not every guy needs to get laid, you know?

I debated joining this thread, but what the heckers, y’all don’t really know me past my username so here goes…

I have a really weird habit. I’ll meet a girl, and we’ll become friends. This girl usually already has a boyfriend, so I have no chance with her at first. Then she breaks up with her boyfriend. I of course, being a friend, help her get over him. Therefore I’m a nice guy. I hate being the nice guy. The nice guy gets no action. I sure would love to grab them, tell them what I feel and have everything hunky dory. Well, I tried goign that route once. Biiiiiig mistake. The ex tried to hunt me down and beat the shit out of me, and the girl doesn’t look at me the same anymore.

I thought college would bring more oppurtunities to meet girls (going to an all guy HS didn’t help much) and get to know them on non-‘nice’-guy relationship. I get depressed every so often because of this, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I don’t have the problem. They just can’t realize what they’re missing.

Sure, I’d like someone to suck face with, but who doesn’t? I’m looking for someone who’ll listen to me, can idulge in a civilized discussion that doesn’t concern clothes, money or school. I’m not overwieght, I’m in shape, I’ve been told that I’m attractive, but the only girls who want a piece of this are crazy stalker bitches who won’t leave me alone (not you orangecakes!). I’ve had girlfriends before, but they don’t usually last more then a couple weeks. So where are the girls who want to go out with a guy who will treat them right, won’t lie to them, and gets all the free steaks and milkshakes they could desire? (well, maybe not that… )

Dammit, now I’m pissed off. (Where’s that Jesse Jackson voo-doo doll I had?)

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
\/-------\ | |-----| |

I can relate to a lot of what’s being said here. The fact that I went to an all-male high school combined with the sheer terror I experience when I even think about deliberately going out of my way to meet new people means that up until I started university at the begininng of this year, I wasn’t meeting ANYONE through the usual ways (bars/clubs/talking to people on the bus etc.).

I’d like to whack a great big tangent down here and say the internet’s really helped this aspect of my social life. I’ve gone on to meet several people who I originally met online, and the resulting friendships more than make up for the cries of “nerrrrddd!!!” and “geek!” I’m subjected to by ‘normal’ people, due to my dependency on the internet for socialising.

Back on topic, then: so yes, I’m a guy who can’t seem to find a girlfriend, but it doesn’t bug me too much, when I think about it rationally. I’ve got several close (and equally antisocial) female friends who I can talk about all sorts of twisted perverted sex stuff with, and that seems to be good enough for me at the moment. I figure something’ll come along eventually. Maybe.

All I can say now is that I’m glad I’ve got both my hands, otherwise I’d go insane in a week. …oh, sorry, was that too much detail?

funneefarmer – we’re hiding right out here in the open. We usually get together on Friday night, strip down to our bras and panties and then have a pillow fight. We’d invite all the single men but we can’t seem to find them!


Byz…was that at your house this week or mine? I keep forgetting!

And cowgod…I started laughing reading your post…I swear, you are a male version of me. Been there, done that. Still doing it. I am every guy’s friend, and no one’s girlfriend. ::shrug:: Oh well.

“The point of a journey is not to arrive.”
-Neil Peart, Rush

Oh sure Byz. go ahead and put THAT image in my head. All day yesterday the same damn song has been running through my head because of this thread… David Lee Roth’s remake of “I Ain’t Got Nobody”, now it’s got a video track as well.

Now Michelle, are you forgetting about that Frenchman who flies you out to his chateau near Marseilles every summer? What about your ex-boyfriend in Key West? Oh, you’re “just friends”, huh? Yeah, right! And that fella at work who’s been telling everybody you two are going steady?

Just kidding. You all are lots of fun. I like all your posts. Now I feel less like a freak and more like somebody with a contagious disease…

As to the fella with the website, yeah, I don’t think he really deserves any female companionship. I mean, it’s good to know that there’s a lonely guy out there who really deserves it. Although I did really like that story where he asked that prostitute for free sexual favors. It made me smile. I mean, this guy’s idea of treating women well is to expect some prostitute to service him for free!

My new dating strategy is to always mentally picture myself dating some awesome woman. Oh, too bad, I can’t go out with that gorgeous genius, cause there’s my secret angel girlfriend who would be jealous. No, no, nobody knows about her, just me, I’ll just be this unavailable guy. Then, all the (non-fictitious) women will instantly fall in love with me, and try to assassinate my fictitious girlfriend, and when I uncover there nefarious plots I’ll know there interested.

Oh, no, my angelic girlfriend isn’t here for you to assassinate in a jealous plot. In fact, she just dumped me and flew back to Freedonia. Oh yes, I’m just heartbroken. If only someone could love me… the back of my hand brushes across my forehead passionately * suddenly I bear a striking resemblance to Ricky Martin Well, certainly I’d be willing to forgive your nefarious plot to assassinate my, err … girlfriend … if you’d be willing to go out with me!

It can’t fail!

Nothing I write about any person or group should be applied to a larger group.

  • Boris Badenov

The last time I checked, the ratio of gals to guys was 3 to 1. That means 3 girls for every guy! Now, you got to consider certain factors here in the availability. Firstly; eliminate all married girls. Not only can fooling with them cause you all sorts of frustration but hubby might find out-they occasionally have this tendency to TELL HIM to HURT HIM to see how much HE LOVES THEM - and hubby might get mildly irritated. If he is a big guy he might drop in to say hello and rearrange your bones just a tad.

Eliminate the lesbian factor. From what seems to be in the news media these days, 1/2 of all girls are lesbians. Don’t believe it. Still, it is best to check and see if any interesting girl you encounter has a long prison history and hangs with other chicks who tend to dress and act like men.

Then you have to consider the Ping-Pong factor. These are chicks who broke up with long term lovers and cling to you like a second coat of paint - but spend most of their time talking about the ex (even when humping you thoroughly). You will always be ‘so nice’ and comments like ‘why hasn’t any girl snatched you up before’ will be heard, especially when she gets a little tipsy. Shortly after, she will start seeing the ex again, leaving you to stew. Then, she will dump him and start seeing you because ‘you’re so special’. Eventually, she will be seeing both of you behind each others back. This is a situation to avoid.

Then there is the flake factor. Girls who have been with guys who seem to take great delight in abusing them until they get nuts. By the time you come along, you have a real case on your hands. Usually what happens here is that you’ll patiently spend months, weeks, perhaps years repairing the damage done to them by other guys and they will appreciate it ‘sooooo much’ and ‘love you dearly for standing by them.’ Eventually, just when it looks like you have managed to heal all of the wounds, they’ll dump you and jump at some other guy. Usually one who is much different from yourself and somewhat similar to their previous abusive boyfriends.

Did I mention the kid factor? Watch out for that. Young single mom’s have this determined, genetic drive to find some guy to be a father to her pups after the original one leaves. Some of these girls can come on so intensely that they could arouse a corpse! They’ll go straight for your ego by way of your sex drive and hump blisters onto your stiffy. Plus they’ll dress alternately like a temptress and a casual cutie. (Remember Audry Hepburn? She always looked cute even when painting a room. You think that was unplanned?) Once you are hooked, suddenly the kids start making more and more of an appearance and if they don’t get along with you, hell will seem like a quiet place in comparison. If they do and you get landed, suddenly all of the glamor and seductiveness of the Mom drops away. Silken panties get replaced by cotton. The stunning hair turns into a frizzy mass held in place by rubber bands and sex becomes something to do and get over or gets interrupted by nosy kids.

By the time you manage to get through all of these factors, the 3 to 1 ratio drops off considerably and gets worse the older you get. It would be nice if there was a good, cheap computer dating service out there – requiring current pictures of the applicants – that one could use. (Nothing worse than paying $20 to enroll, finding a great listing for some girl who describes herself as loving, petite, young at heart, cuddly and seductive and when you actually meet her discover she outweighs you by 100 pounds, has the face of a Mack truck driver and works as a bouncer in a local bar.)

It is not easy out there for a single guy these days. (Well, at least for some. I know these guys who seem to attract girls like a magnet attracts iron filings. They never share or if they do, the chick sneers at you and runs.)Now, personally, I don’t look like Harrison Ford. I don’t consider myself handsome nor ugly but at least dogs don’t howl and slink away when I walk by. I’ve come across many a great looking guy who has more chicks than he needs and dumps them like a dog sheds fleas. If you happen to get one such girl on the rebound, be careful.

The initial sex might be GREAT, because she wants to punish HIM. The comes the long period where you have to assure her that she’s a great gal and HE is the looser and scumbag. You’ll find out what she wished that HE would do but did not, and you will. Little cards, letters, flowers, small gifts, chicken soup when the girl is ill, Teddy Bears, Silly String fights, showing her how to eat King Crab legs and hours of back rubs or tickling her back lightly with a feather until she drops off into a pleasant, smiling sleep.(You’ll be lucky if she’ll rub your back for 4 minutes without complaining about how bored she is.)

After a period of time, weeks, or months, suddenly the great sex will drop to OK sex. Then, if you’re in the habit of going to a motel from time to time with her as a treat, she’ll start musing aloud about going there and ‘just talking, watching TV and cuddling.’ When that happens, check her purse for receipt’s of motels she might have paid for with another guy. Shortly after, she’ll start being busy and not seeing you very often or just wanting to stay home THAT weekend. Start looking for a strange car to show up around her place. (They can get guys to hide those things up to a block away - IN a construction lot - IN a mass of weeds or IN some all night store parking lot!) Eventually, you’ll discover HIM, some guy she met who is just ‘sooooo nice’ or just ‘a friend,’ but he’ll look better than you. Pull the plug and hang it up. She’s gone.

Nice guys, a friend once told me, finish last and I’ve begun to believe it. It seems that us nice guys are here to catch and patch up the battered chicks so they can go back out there and find someone else.

Nice guys can get into a fight over a chick with the ex-boyfriend and get their butts beaten and the chick will drag them concernedly from the fight, while screaming vulgarities at the ex. Later, while nursing the nice guys bruises - which he is determinedly acting like they hurt more than they do but doing a poor job of hiding it so he will appear manly and brave to the chick - she will appear distracted while cooing over him and helping him clean up.
Afterwards, she may boff him thoroughly in the sack, but after that, be thoughtful and distracted. Shortly after she will begin seeing the ex - ‘just as a friend’ and because she ‘knew him for so long’ or ‘he’s like a brother to her.’ Take your bruises and go home because she’s going back to him because he ‘fought for her.’ You did also, but that didn’t count.


Neither do I, but it happens – a lot.

“Think of it as Evolution in action.”

OK…all you single guys out there, update your resumes and picture portfolios, and send them on over to me for reviewing. Don’t worry about embellishing, I am very low maintenance and easy to please. My biological clock is NOT ticking, so you don’t have to worry about kids anytime soon. I’m pretty much part of the working poor, so you don’t have to worry about making a lot of money. As long as you make just a little more than me, and I am sure you do, we should do just fine. I am only average in the looks department, but hey, I have a nice personality! :slight_smile: Plus, I can get you discounted veterinary care for your pets. The only thing that I am firm about is that you love animals. If you don’t get along with all my pets, you’re outta here!

Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.–Coleridge