A really lame plea for relationship advice that yet alludes to dead animals

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Sigh…

I haven’t started a thread in ages. It feels frightening.
So…

I guess I have a boyfriend now. The very idea of such a thing is completely alien to me, seeing as i haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 18 and I’m 25 now.

Well, I’ve dated a lot of guys, but not one has ever agreed to go with the title of Boyfriend. Most never made it past either two weeks or two months.

I can’t yet bring myself to refer to this guy as “My Boyfriend”…it sounds too weird.

I won’t go into all the gushy details, but I think I might want this um- Boyfriend- to stick around for awhile.

You know when you’ve found someone good when not only does he tolerate and even celebrate your unusual taxidermy hobby, but he wants you to teach him how to make a flying rat. Now, THAT’S cool.
That, and we were at a party in which we were sitting together and someone, for some reason, asked a question to whomever was listening, saying “What’s the phylum name for flatworms, anway?” And me and The Boyfriend said “Platyhelmenthes” (sp?) in unison.
I thought that was remarkable in the nerdiest of ways. Man, we are SUCH dorks. It’s probably kinda cute, if you’re into that sort of thing.

My lame advice plea is this-

Seeing as I haven’t had a BOYFRIEND for seven years…I’m uh, not sure what people who are Boyfriend & Girlfriend do exactly.
Uh- they hang out and go places and have sex, right?

More specifically…what sort of things are Normal and Not Normal for a Girlfriend to do?
I don’t know how often I should call him, for example, because I want to sound like I dig him without sounding obsessive. Do we have to spend every weekend together unless there’s some unusual circumstance? And how much should I let him go off with his friends, or how often should I make a point to ditch him for my own friends in order to be sane and balanced and Not Obsessed or what have you? Are weekend dates implied or do I have to make sure we have plans?

Dear God, this is so confusing.

Are there any rules, some set of Do’s and Don’ts that anyone could provide?

I know intuitively that there really are no rules for this sort of thing, but sometimes you can’t help asking anyway.

Seeing as I’m not likely to find too many guys who like my cat fetus collection and are also Not Insane, and who know the scientific name for most amphibians we see when we go pond-mucking together, I really don’t want to screw this one up.

:slight_smile:

Ah…smilies. It’s been so long since I used one. I see you all have a new one, too-

That’s marvelous.

2

leechboy always called my Beautiful when we started dating as in he would call me and go “Hi Beautiful” e-mails and ICQ messages started the same way.

Made me go all weak at the knees (now we are married he doesn’t do it as often but when he does - no lustful grinning smiley yet).

So perhaps the male equivalent “Handsome”? “Cutie”

I had a b/f in my pre-leechboy life who loved to be called Sweetie or variations thereon.

Anyways thats my two bits worth on the name thing, as for dating advice, its been so long I can’t remember.

Leechbabe

3

Hmmmm… well, I think it’s important for couples to have space. I know that’s a cliche, but it’s true.

Make sure that you get time with your friends, and that he gets time with his friends. Meet them, of course, as you’ll learn alot about a man by the friends he keeps.

Eventually you’ll get it. Each man likes a different amount of ‘togetherness’. Each person takes to a relationship differently.

Congrats, and I’m sure you’ll get it right.

4

Let me say for the record I think this thread is cute, and I’m very happy for you Turpentine. Best of luck.
The following are just my opinions. Take them or leave them.

Q. - More specifically…what sort of things are Normal and Not Normal for a Girlfriend to do?
A. - Don’t pry into his past, you may not like what you hear. Don’t be too eager to meet his parents. Don’t try to run his life for him, i.e. act like his Mom. Don’t demand to get your own way all the time. Don’t expect him to change major aspects of his life that don’t involve you. Be patient, with him and yourself. Don’t EVER belittle his masculinity.

Q. - I don’t know how often I should call him, for example, because I want to sound like I dig him without sounding obsessive. Do we have to spend every weekend together unless there’s some unusual circumstance?
A. - Call him when you actually have something to talk about. If you have nothing to talk about, and just want to talk because you like talking with him, call him up and tell him that’s why you called. It’s very romantic, and if he a keeper he’ll appreciate it. But don’t do something like that more than once in a while.
You do not have to spend every weekend together.

Q. - And how much should I let him go off with his friends, or how often should I make a point to ditch him for my own friends in order to be sane and balanced and Not Obsessed or what have you?
A. - This is something important you’ll have to determine through trial and error. Just keep in mind there are NO set rules about this kind of thing. Not only that, but unless or until you guys are in a hard-core relationship (like, heading towards marriage) you have no greater right to his time than his friends. Do what feels comfortable. Don’t be pushy, and always COMMUNICATE VERY CLEARLY how you are feeling.

Q. - Are weekend dates implied or do I have to make sure we have plans?
A. - At this stage, I would make sure. Only if you start going steady should you start making assumptions.

Again, congrats and best wishes.

5

You go with the flow, you do what you want to do, you communicate with each other, and you Have A Nice Time.

There are no rules. Negotiate, don’t assume.

(By the way, he sounds like a lovely young man, especially as he thinks your hobby is cool. It’s lovely to have one’s hobbies admired and celebrated)

6

So, Turp, you’ve shown him your “cat fetus” and he wants to “make a flying rat” with you and you two go “pond-mucking”. So. Either these are sorta gross euphemisms, then: Good for you! Or, they aren’t and you two just sort of have the same interests and stuff, then: Even gooder for you!

“I’m uh, not sure what people who are Boyfriend & Girlfriend do exactly. Uh- they hang out and go places and have sex, right?”

Yeah, at least two of those three and you are a Couple. You both know the phylum name for flatworms, so how could you screw this relationship up? It’s Destiny! Destiny I say!
-Rue.

7

Turpentine

I feel like I’m in your shoes. I just started dating a guy a few weeks ago, and I’m still trying to decide whether to refer to him as “this guy I’ve been dating” or “my boyfriend.”

So I shall be watching this thread with interest.