A series of improbably bad fortune cookie fortunes

In honor of that American invention, the fortune cookie, I propose the construction of improbable fortunes. Your job as the next poster in this thread is to write a new fortune which includes one key word from the previous fortune.

So, if I were to write: An inexplicable noise will disrupt your sleep two nights from now

you might write a fortune that said:

You will buy noise-cancelling headphones soon but they will not work.

or perhaps:

While you are scrubbing your bathroom, an inexplicable odor will permeate your nostrils.

So I’ll go first:

The next time you pick up your car keys, they will be oddly sticky.

You will have many friends, but none of them will loan you money.


You will make money today but all of it will be uncomfortably sticky.

I’ll go off the OP sinnce the previous poster didn’t do it right.

The next time you come to this restaurant, you will order the sticky rice

You will eat in a restaurant that failed its health inspection.

You’re eating this food and fortune cookie, so your health aspects aren’t looking too good.

You will eat another fortune cookie after this one.

(I like @Grrr 's approach of bolding the word taken from the previous post.)

A tracking cookie will cause you minor inconvenience in the next few days.

You will experience a minor but exceptionally annoying injury to your left big toe.

One of your grandchildren will experience an injury relating to a somewhat frowsy-looking chicken.

You will have many grandchildren due to an accident at a fertility clinic.

Sadly, a mutant strain of mosquitoes with greatly enhanced fertility will invade your home and be impossible to eradicate.

Due to a miscommunication with your doctor, a part of your body will be enhanced without your consent.

Your doctor will give you a very pessimistic diagnosis.

You will soon receive a diagnosis of Wernberger-Chonk syndrome, which causes a progressively more intense tendency to burp at stoplights.

From now on stoplights hate you with an intensity strong enough to block out the sun.

I apologize for my failed first attempt… mea culpa.

In play:

The sun will come up, and so will this dinner.


You lack the will to live. Buy a dog.

If you love dogs, then you loved your dinner.

Sometime next week, your dinner companion will accuse you of embezzling.