"Bad Fortune Cookies" game

Okay…I’m going to try once again to “start” a thread…

If I (once again) get no responses for three months, until someone (who shall remain up high on a pedestal) pulls it
out of the garbage can and made people respond to it…
Well…sigh…then, I shall concede that I am a better follower than I am a leader. (Insert much sympathy here)

What I would like people to do is give me an example of a bad fortune to find in a fortune cookie…I’ll start:

Inspected by # 23

Fluffy didn’t really run away.

You ! Pay now and get out, round eyes.

That wasn’t chicken.

(Saw it in a print ad once–for what, I don’t remember. I just wanted to respond to your thread before the three-month time limit.)

** Cookie made from 100% recycled material **

1st side **How do you confuse Round Eye? Flip over **
2nd side **How do you confuse Round Eye? Flip over **

** Help! I am trapped in Cookie factory! **

One I actually got in a cookie:
To stay healthy, eat more chinese food.

I also got one once that was an ad for a 900 psychic hotline.

Later, from the same place, I got a fortune that was an offer for ad space on their fortunes. It even had a website! unfortunately I’ve forgotten the URL.

Sauce show colon good time Joe.

Even with bad fortune cookies, you must remember to add the words “in bed” to the end of the fortune. So:

**Inspected by # 23 in bed.

Fluffy didn’t really run away in bed.

You ! Pay now and get out, round eyes, in bed.**

And the best:

Sauce show colon good time Joe in bed.

You will start an affair with someone close to you

Received by me AND someone else in the party. Someone I could hardly stand to be around

<shudder>

See ya in an hour, round eye.

Good story, happy hour!
There is actually a backstory to that, but looking back on it, you really had to be there.

Against my better judgement I’m about to hit submit.

Gotta hijack my own thread here for a second…to tell you all a sad but true story:

After Auntnut posted her “Bad Fortune Cookie” thread, she chose to act grownup, and actually GOT OFFLINE…and got some chores done around the house. It felt a bit strange, but, after a while, she got the hang of being so far from her monitor…tho, she did glance longingly at it when she passed by on the way to the kitchen.
Auntnut was able to to continue this way for several hours, but was once again drawn to the blue screen. She fed the hampsters, greased their modem wheel, and even started it spinning for them…and, after another hour, was rewarded with those comforting sounds of:

“AAAAEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAEEERRRRRRSSSSQUEEEEEL…
WELCOME…!!!..YOU’VE GOT MAIL…!!!”
Ignoring her mailbox, and instead, running for the SDMB with feet of wings…she started slowly paging down…page 1…
page 2…page 3…and so on.
Auntnut had gone thru about 6 of the 13 pages that had appeared since the last Straight Dope Fix…and , had yet to find her thread…
Brave little soldier that she is, Auntnut didn’t give up hope…she JUST KNEW that someone had responded to her thread.
Page 7…page8…page9…her shoulders dropped, and she sighed a big sigh. Nothing…page 10…page 11…page12…
Still nothing…
Holding her breath, and crossing her stubby little fingers, Auntnut clicked on page 13…
Nothing.
Auntnut let out her breath in a big sad sigh…
“Ok…I guess that everyone might have been at work, and hasnt had a chance to see the boards yet” She said to herself…
'cept, 3/4 of the flippin’ people on this site, spend most of their time at work surfin’ the StraightDope boards (and where can I get a job like that people??!!??
“Ok…ok, I got it…the hurricane has prevented people from posting !!” (Nice attempt, but face it loser, no one likes you, they think you look funny, smell funny, and AREN’T funny…you goober)
So, after getting nowhere with the “look on the bright side” crap, Auntnut dejectedly went to check her Emails to see who else wanted to piss in her post tosties today…

And, LO AND BEHOLD…there were responses to her thread !!!
Because, you see…Auntnut is an idiot extrodinaire…and, somehow COMPLETELY MISSED SEEING HER BELOVED THREAD.

( I shouldn’t have been too suprised tho…earlier today, while talking online with a friend who lives in Virginia, right in the path of the hurricane, I asked him if his power was out. He wrote :
“No, or I wouldn’t be online instant messaging you, now would I?”
:smack:

So, THANK YOU ONE AND ALL for responding to me…all I can say is “They like me !!..they REALLY REALLY like me !”

You are a fool and everything you try will fail.
The ugly stupid child is the only one that is really yours.
She lied. She’s not on the pill.
17 9 32 57 23 HUT!

Next time, lock the door to your house.

Kind of a hijack here, but I know a woman who got a fortune cookie that said something along the lines of “Your hard work will pay off with a big promotion.” Next day when she got to work, she learned that her boss had had a stroke and subsequently died and she was eventually given his job. That would freak me out so much.
You will soon bow down to the porcelain god.

(Insert spouse’s name here) wasn’t really working late last night.

Ha, I remember you! You stiffed me for a tip last time you were here. The joke’s on you now, mister! mwahahaha

The poison control number is …

This is a 1920’s style death cookie.
(sorry, hadn’t used the death ray joke and thought I’d take it for a spin)

You’re eating people! Fortune cookies are made of people!

You will live a happy life…for the next ten seconds, then you will be killed by the puffer fish you ate.

It is a bad day to be superstitious.

Uh oh, too bad for you.

Size: L 100% cotton machine washable.

Congratulations! You just won 1,000,000 Dinars.

Please have a will made out as soon as possible.

You feeling lucky punk?

Out Of Order.

Wondering why is this called a fortune cookie? Because the bill is in here too.

Can you see your car from where you’re sitting?

Your date will not be calling you again.

You just ate last week’s buffet.

No one is thinking of you right now.

The lucky numbers on this fortune would have won yesterday’s lotto.

Duck.

**

Muhuhahahahah

Behind you!!

You Will Die Alone

After getting that one i now refuse to read fortune cookies.