This will not be a good week for you to give up smoking. Or cocaine. Or sniffing glue.
Love may be the glue that holds your relationship together, but you’re out of Elmer’s.
You will fall in love with someone who is either nothing like you, or worse yet, exactly like you.
Nothing good will ever happen to you. Your future is virtually non-existent.
You will find your next sweater after breaking into a Goodwill dropoff box.
Your life shall be forfeit before the next cuckoo of the clock.
A relative you have always dismissed as “cuckoo” will unexpectedly earn millions from their novel invention, but will vengefully use their newfound wealth to destroy your happiness.
In one day, you will unexpectedly lose your home, your job, your savings, your family, your friends and your health insurance. Then you’ll be diagnosed with an incurable disease.
This week you will be diagnosed as being on a spectrum, but no one will tell you what spectrum.
Believing your doctor wants to talk about about a spectrum, you will cheerfully enter her office, only to discover you misheard and she wants to use a speculum, in ways that cause you great discomfort.
You will win the lottery this week if you bet enough.
(I’m guessing you was supposed to be bolded)
Due to unannounced last-minute work demands, this week will be 8 days for you.
Seven days of nothing but rice makes one weak.
-“BB”-
You will see faint movement in your rice bowl out of the corner of your eye.
You will experience a movement somewhere in your body before you leave this restaurant.
The movement of your bowls will be sudden and intense.
You will experience an intense longing for Pepto-Bismal, but sadly, due to supply chain disruptions, all stores within a 50-mile radius will be sold out.
Someone who has been longing to meet you will be visiting a supermarket in your
town this week.
Your in-laws are visiting and you’re treating them to dinner here aren’t you? I can smell the sweat of frustration from inside the cookie layers.
You will make your way inside the labyrinthine maze that is your corporate heirarchy, only to find it is full of turkey vultures.