(sigh…) All right, y’all, this really IS a serious question, although there seems to be no way to come up with a title line that clearly outlines what the question is about and yet doesn’t sound like spam. Okay, how to put this…
I’m dating someone new and we’ve gotten to that intimate stage. And, well, John Holmes really has very little on this guy, as I found out. Eek. Owie. Is it possible for one to accustom oneself to unusual length in a partner? Are there some positions that work better than others? Any techniques that might be tried? Any advice? Once again, this truly IS meant seriously, and I would really appreciate some help here!!!
Anise
I’ve heard that there are donut-shaped devices that such a fellow can wear at the base of his appendage to prevent full penetration. I’ve also heard that doggie-style tends to get deeper penetration than missionary, so you might want to avoid that.
My partner is in the same category as your boyfriend. But since I’m male (and I assume you’re female) I can’t give you SPECIFIC advice.
Everybody is built uniquely, and body parts interact at different angles for different people. So you have to do some playful experimentation. Just try everything and see what works. But the important thing is to always give him feedback about what you’re feeling. If you’re getting uncomfortable, or if it’s painful, you have to let him know, so he can make an adjustment.
Chances are, your boyfriend isn’t a virgin, so he has some experience in dealing with this problem. Just keep communicating. Sex should be painful only if you want it to be.
It’s a problem at first, but like just about everything else, with time and patience, one learns to adjust. I’ve been with my SO for quite a long time now, so we’ve come to know the limits beyond which it becomes uncomfortable for her, and stay within them. Some positions, such as her being on top, give her better control of the entire program, which allows her to relax and get a little more into it. Hope this helps.
A lot of Japanese women are small, and have small bits to go along with it. As a guy, you learn to adjust, to not penetrate as deeply, to let them control a bit more, that sort of thing.
As Panache said, chances are your BF isn’t a virgin, and might have some experience in dealing with this… situation? Talk to him, be honest, sex should be fun for all involved. And yes, lube is a good thing (though only for width problems, not length ones)
Lube is also necessary for greater-than-average lengths. There’s more skin rubbing against skin, which creates friction. And most (but not all) guys who are extra-long have additional girth as well.
Oddly enough, reverse cowgirl was the only position where I have ever “bottomed out” with a girlfriend (which was painful for both of us!) I second the advise that you should do some playful experimentation.
Good advice so far. Just try not to be tense (I know, right) and take things slow. I actually find missionary to be the best position with a very long partner, but we may be built differently.
A tip for oral: put a little lube on one hand and use that to stimulate the bottom of the shaft while you have your mouth on the glans and top of the shaft. Much easier than choking yourself, and if you keep your hand near your lips, it feels really good, like you’re deep throating when you’re not.
I’m in a similar situation with my SO, being of average vaginal capacity and having a partner who has more length than average by a lot but not terrifyingly larger girth. There are a handful of things I can suggest, but the “positions” bit is usually variable so much that I’m not going to get into it.
Try a whole bunch of different positions and angles and make notes as to which ones work best.
If you’re initially having trouble getting it in, you two are going to have to work on more foreplay before penetration happens.
Have sex on a very regular basis, i.e. more than once per week. Back when Acid Lamp and I first started dating, we were on a “date/sleepover once per week” schedule, and found that more frequency reduced the number of “ouch” moments. We also noticed that, when we were doing the long distance thing, the not as frequent coital moments went from “ouch” to “whee!” in two, three or more sessions over a two to three day period. That said, you’re not going to permanently stretch out your girly bits, but it’s good if you have sex at least twice a week so that your body gets used to the way his fits with yours.
This is going to sound corny, but relates to #1: the Kama Sutra has a section dealing with differences in size compatibility between partners that might help, and you might also find this in regular sex advice books, but it should be of some use to figure out different ways to deal with the match-up that you two have. You’ll get different ideas of positions and angles to use, and eventually you and your partner may come up with a core set of positions that work very well for the both of you.
Also be aware that there is such a thing as too much lubrication, natural or otherwise, as certain positions make “slipping” and accidentally trying to re-enter into the other major orifice down there more likely and less fun. Just be careful if he comes out, as you may not want something that big in your butthole without warning. However, YMMV.
