A short walk sadly spoiled

[rowrrbazzle]

@araminty

Sorry if that hurts your feelings. What are you going to do about it?

I’ll stop offering women help. Sorry if you don’t like that. What are you doing to do about it?

[Quartz]

@Lamia

Quartz, I think you may have gone wrong with your thread title. My take on the actual text of your OP is that you felt sorry for the woman, and that you considered it sad that there are enough bad men in the world that she would feel frightened of you, someone who sincerely just wanted to assist her.

This is what I intended.

However, the thread title does leave room for an alternate interpretation: that you are sad because a man-hater spoiled your walk with her ungrateful behavior. It looks to me like several posters have taken your OP this way.

I fail to see how such a conclusion can be drawn from what I wrote, but, as you say, some seem to have done so.

[alexandra]

Personally I’d have refused your offer and it has nothing to do with fear. I would just find the situation thoroughly awkward. I don’t really like sharing an umbrella with anyone, even my partner, for reasons others have stated - it doesn’t work, especially if there is a height difference. And I wouldn’t like to have to make polite conversation with a stranger without knowing when it might end.
You say she “shrank away” in fear but could you have misinterpreted that? She may have been simply surprised, deep in thought, or felt bad about saying no.

[billfish678]

Personally I am quite offended at the OP’s blatant display of dry man’s privilege…

[LurkerInNJ]

@Corry_El

As a (late middle aged) NY area native I wouldn’t expect a positive reaction if I made such an offer and wouldn’t, to preempt awkwardness. Give somebody my umbrella who seemed much more troubled by the rain, OK; offer to share a cab I got to first in the rain, that I’ve done and most people have I think. It’s not as likely to be considered creepy, and you could always just say ‘well you take it’ if the share offer is declined. But also depends on age (I feel less tension in female strangers’ reaction to me as as I’ve aged), dress (less in a suit), etc.

I’m a late middle aged NYC native female and I’ve taken up people on their offer quite a few times over the years. Usually it comes down to 1) will we both fit and 2) am I in a hurry or can I wait this out. I’ve also made the offer myself a few times. I’m small enough to fit another person of my approximate size under the same umbrella so we both don’t ruin our blow-outs and get our blouses wet. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.

Declines have always been quick and polite on both ends. I usually say something along the lines of “Thanks for offering, but I’ll wait it out” or whatever is appropriate.

Shrinking away in fear is an unusual and extreme reaction to a simple offer.

[SciFiSam]

I think you cold come across as intimidating without meaning to, Quartz, due to your height and beard. Also, she could have just shrank back due to being in the rain and cold in Scotland in Autumn, not intending to mean it as a response to you, more your offer being a reminder of how cold and wet she was.

Also, if you were a different sort of man and did assault her, there would be people saying “why did she go under the umbrella with him then eh?” so it’s just safer for women to say no to help of that sort. It is sad but it is the state of play right now. And even a non-rapey man might use it as an excuse to try to come on to her. You likely wouldn’t, but she’s not to know that.

[Machine_Elf]

@Jackmannii

“Would you like to share my umbrella?” gives off creepy euphemism vibes. :dubious:

Would you like to verb my noun?