I am Venus. I didn’t say I was holding the rifle and rock salt, did I?
Since when is Richard Simmons a demon? He’s just a fruity, sweaty monkey in hotpants. And who would want to summon a demon anyway? I’ve got books full of such hackneyed magick. How pedestrian. We’re tryin’ something original man! And yes by all means bring the squid.
::tosses frozen turkey::
1975? No, man. The '63 calendar should do. It only has to be in the circle for about 20 minutes anyway. And I just happen to have a pack of smokes and a Happy Meal. Someone call the Captain.
You’re planning a summoning using chalk? CHALK? You are so gonna die a horrible and gruesome death. Salt, maybe. Iron filings, ok. A more experienced parctitioner would probably use magical ink containing silver and virgin’s blood, among other things. You never want to grab aholt of something you can’t turn loose…
He’s never killed anyone as far as I know. Well… except for that guy in Reno. But that doesn’t really count does it?
In that case, be sure the circle remains unbroken. A ring of fire would be better, I think…
And it burns, burns, burns
The ring of fire…
The ring of fire
Rules to live by #38. Never summon anything bigger than your head.
Chalk’s just fine. Prehistoric beasts, their bodies calcinified, sacrificed at your pleasure for your art.
Iron filings are better for control, and can be mixed with the chalk, but I wouldn’t use them to lay the primary circle down. They blow away too easily.
Remember, this isn’t to impress the rubes, so don’t bother with the fancy crap. Just what works. I’ve got the protractor and compass, and I’m ready to scribe the lines.
Iron filings and white bulls? We’re not summoning a 5th order demon here. How trite. How unoriginal. How boring.
Now, think of what truly magnificent creature could be summoned with a goat, and randy sheep, and a 1920’s-style Deathray. Now, that would be something to talk about!
I’ve got a pirated Beta version of “Death Becomes Her”.
A pirated movie? I love pirates! I like where your head is at. Gotta be something in there we could use right?
Fine, fine. I have a complete invocation translated into INTERCAL. I’m not sure what it invokes, exactly, because you’d have to understand INTERCAL to do that. And I’m afraid that way lies madness.
I also have a JFK-alike 1964 GI Joe Action Soldier.
Guys, guys. I appreciate all the obscure and arcane memorabilia from your attics, but you got to provide the ritual. GI Joe’s and 8-tracks are great, but what to we do with them? Burn them, eat them, liquify them and feltch them from the goat? Context and ritual my friends. This is a spell for Og’s sake.
Try this:
Start with a really strong shop vacuum and throughly clean the floor of your basement, garage, cave or handy dungeon.
Mop thoroughly with a 3:1 solution of holy water to bleach. Cleaning a roughly circular area with a diameter of 14 feet. Ensure you do not use metric system as it will cause unexpected results.
In a separate clean area, finely grind a mixture of 1 part platinum, 3 parts silver, 5 parts kiln dried chicken bone and 20 parts lead. Be careful to use good ventilation as we do not need any lead or heavy metal poisoning. You will need a final volume sufficient to mark out the pentagon contained in a 13 foot diameter circle.
Acquire a pack of colored chalk. You must have the ability to draw a rainbow.
You will need to make 7 vanilla and cinnamon scented candles that should be able to burn for at least 42 minutes. Each candle needs to match one color of the rainbow.
Draw a 13 foot diameter circle with seven colors of chalk with red being the inner most circle and working out to the 13 foot diameter with violet, following the rainbow pattern.
Draw the Pentagon within the red circle using the fine powder made earlier.
Determine the 7 equally spaced radii around the circle so that one point matched the top of the pentagon. Starting with this point place the red candle on the Violet circle and work your way around in reverse order of the rainbow so that the violet candle is on the red circle and having gone clockwise for the outermost red candle on the violet circle.
You are now ready for the Summoning…
Jim {This will of course deliver one magical unicorn to delight your daughter, niece or younger sister. This was for Excalibre}
It’s a good thing to know what is available to work with prior to working up the ritual. Otherwise, you could write up a great ritual only to have it blow up in your face because you were unable to obtain an unstriped zebra or some such.
I have a mug with a garishly colored calendar from 1999 and a copy of Howard the Duck.
I was going to let you use them, but under the circumstances you might end up summoning George Lucas and we’d end up with the SDMB SE.
Now that would be pure, unadulterated evil.
So Aerosmith on the eight-track is out?
Well, my plan had something to do with painting the invocation on the Joe, then having someone chant it.
DO ,1 <- #13
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #234
DO ,1 SUB #2 <- #112
DO ,1 SUB #3 <- #112
DO ,1 SUB #4 <- #0
DO ,1 SUB #5 <- #64
DO ,1 SUB #6 <- #194
DO ,1 SUB #7 <- #48
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #8 <- #22
DO ,1 SUB #9 <- #248
DO ,1 SUB #10 <- #168
DO ,1 SUB #11 <- #24
DO ,1 SUB #12 <- #16
DO ,1 SUB #13 <- #214
PLEASE READ OUT ,1
PLEASE GIVE UP
Aerosmith is definately out. I had heavy metal poisoning once (Megadeath) and it wasn’t pretty. I’m pretty sure that What Exit? is right about making the circle multi-colored, but I’m pretty sure that 13 feet is a hair too big. We’re trying for a different [supposedly] mythical entity. No pansy unicorns here. 'Cept for the stuffed one on my bed of course. Well, and the posters.
- So, we’ve got a multi-colored chalk circle (12 feet, not 13)
- The Captain & Tennille eating Happy Meal’s while competing with “Dance of the Sugar Plums” over the PA
- Shai’tan dancing madly around the circle in combat boots and boxer shorts (why is no one else dancing?)
- E-Sabbath chanting in INTERCAL, while reading the insanely small script of the back of a GI Joe.
- A calendar from 1963, an empty Yoohoo bottle, and some Jellie Bellies waiting to go in the circle.
And despite Bruce Willis’s brilliant performance in Death Becomes Her, I’m afraid its of no use other than as a reference for arcane rituals. Howard the Duck, though…
I dunno.
I think the Pentagon is wrong for a hooved animal; draw the Department Of Agriculture Building, instead.
You want a binding ward? Three words. Light emitting diodes. We can get every color of the visible spectrum plus infrared.
You want music? Theremins are the way to go.
Sheesh. Did Ghostbusters teach you nothing?
You do know that any sacrificial knife you use has to be a stone knife, don’t you? I see these fancy steel daggers they sell to the wankers and shake my head…
Also, for any really heavy duty summoning you need the three-dimensional equivalent of a pentacle: ten circles in a dodecahedral pattern, forming twelve pentagrams united in a sphere. This Rubik’s-type puzzle shows the geometry.