Whiterabbit’s thread was SO relatable! My rant’s a bit different though. I’m concentrating on why I’m pissed at OTHER reactions I get as a wheelchair-user in my early 20’s.
WHY do people stare at me? I don’t mind if kids stare - they don’t realize it’s rude. I’m mean grown/supposed to know better/didn’t mom tell you not to stare, ADULTS. Some people gape with no consideration for the gape-ee. Do they know not what they do? Do they not care? AND if they’re so curious, why not ask questions? Do they think it might be RUDE? If so, I wonder why they don’t think that boring into me with their eyes is not rude. I’d rather someone question me, so long as they pose the question sensitively. That’s for later on. Now, it’s storytime.
Recently, a friend & I were exiting a bus at a train station. We both use wheelchairs. I didn’t think our dark tanktop/pants combos & makeup would elicit stares - plenty of people club in NYC! As we came down on the ramp and passed in front of them, a group of about six people sat & STARED for five minutes. My friend & I only commented to each other after we’d passed them. What was THAT? Were they amazed that two disabled chicks were going out on their own to have a good time? Am I bitter?? Anyhow…Upon returning in the AM we waited for the bus inside the station. Looking out a window, my friend noticed a man sitting outside, craning his head to stare at us. The fifth time, I caught his eye and looked at him as if to say, “Do you want something?”. He stopped.
Another thing that annoys me is the mistaken idea some strangers have concerning my empathy levels. I’m annoyed and insulted by folks who tell me horrible stories without knowing anything about me other’n my first name. Do they see me and think, “Well, she’s in a wheelchair, her life must suck big time! She’ll understand my predicament”? I wonder. So far I’ve refrained from commenting - I don’t want to be insulting.
My last bitch has to do with the issue of sensitivity. Some disabled people don’t want to discuss their disabilities with anyone besides family, friends, and doctors. I respect that. I am willing to talk about my disability with a stranger, provided that they inquire respectfully. I’m not all that pleased if they don’t even introduce themselves first, but I can tolerate it. Here are different methods I’ve encountered and how I view them.
Correct: “Excuse me…I don’t want to be rude, and you don’t have to answer, but I was wondering why it is that you use a wheelchair”
I’d ask why their curiosity was piqued and hopefully a dialogue would ensue. I would explain things, of course.
INcorrect: “Hey, what’s wrong with your legs?” (unless asked by a child)
"Uh, what's wrong with you?"
"Why are you like that?"
There you have it. Rant done.