New this Christmas, the Der Trihs Hostile Atheist Doll !
The religious are fools.
Christianity ? I despise it.
Science is right, and you’re wrong. If you disagree, you’re just stupid.
God ? That’s silly.
Religion is contagious insanity.
Accessories to the Baker doll , such as dirty apron and hairnet, are part of the package. Baking utensils sold seperately.
Stupid cat!
*
Yes*, it’s fresh.
It’ll be ready to cut in five minutes.
Customers are idiots.
Why didn’t you tell me we were out of it?
Just in time for Boxing Day, it’s the new The Weird One action figure, now with new, weirder sayings!
“Hey! We’re in serious need of a lot of sticky rice for our problem!”
“Oh, just for the halibut.”
“James Spader is a sexy bitch.”
“Guten Nacht. Viel Spass.”
“If you’re going to kill me, at least kill me with a sheep so I can die with dignity.”
The Sublight doll:
“Nice.”
“I already did it that way. Now I wanna try it this way.”
“Well that’s different.”
“Is this something I need to care about?”
“You don’t really want to know.”
“Dripping, bloody stumps of the misbegotten rem… oh, hi there. What? No, nothing at all.”
The Official **Mr. Bus Guy ** Doll speaks:
“Go away and leave me alone til I have coffee”
“Seepytime” (Upon this, the doll rolls over and covers his head with a pillow)
“Why yes, I would like another beer thank you”
“Dats a good kitty. Kitty need food?”
“Scratch my butt would ya honey?”
-
Knock it off.
-
Seriously. Please stop pulling that.
-
Are you fucking deaf? I said to cut it out.
-
Oh, you are SO dead. Pull it again, motherfucker. I dare you. Pull it again!
-
So it’s that way, is it? I’m gonna kill you while you sleep.
“Nachos & Beer.”
“I already did.”
“QUITtin TIME, MARCH!”
Actually delivered to customers:
“Your car has gone into the light.”
“Well, I’m glad you survived that one, the Goldwing took one for the team, however.”
“I think we can fix your car…just kidding, it’s a mess.”
“Dude, where’s your car?”
“You installed nitrous on a Cavalier?”
“I understand that there were only 1,500 produced, now there are 1,499 left on the road.”
<ringing phone sound> Fuck Off, phone!
a lack of planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on my part
and why should i care?
i don’t know, why don’t you call <manufacturer>, they made it…
<nonsensical grumbling>
MacTech SMASH PHONE!
<deep, guttural voice>There is no MacTech, only Zuul
“Baron - DOWN”
“Baron - NO BITING”
“Yes, thanks”
“What did you do with the money I gave you YESTERDAY?”
“Are you up yet? You’re going to miss your bus!”
“No. I don’t need a reason.”
" I’ve been looking for Mr. Right for 13 years! Where is he?!!!?"
“Diet Coke, please.”
“No Mom, I am not married yet.”
“Balls.”
“THEY NEEDED THE ROOM!” (note: not related to the “Balls” reference.)
“Fucking Tennessee.”
“I long for the release that death will bring.”
“This job would be OK if it weren’t for the customers.”
“I’d quit, but I’ve grown accustomed to eating.”
“If I’m not back in a half-hour, I’ll be at my cabin, writing my manifesto.”
/ George Takei
“Oh my.”
/George Takei
“I kiss you!”
“What the fuck is wrong with these people?”
“Is this my stack?”
“You know, it’s like, you know? I don’t know.”
“Oh, I know!”
" Givvus a compliment? Just a tiny one? If you give me just one compliment, I won’ t ask again today"
" Not, that one doesn’t count. Another one."
" Weak tea with lots and lots of milk please."
" It’s spelled Tee-Ai-Yay-Eeh-Ennn."
:: whistles fragments of music, badly::
“Hi!”
Over and over, until it got really annoying and someone decided to burn the damn thing.
:rolleyes: 
-
OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS ON ME???!?!?!?
-
Yeah, you’ll have that.
-
Shit’ll buff out.
-
Honey, I’m almost always right.
-
I read it on the internet!
Yeah, well, the Eternal Grad Student Scribble Doll[sup]TM[/sup] says:
“Dead beetles, dead beetles, dead beetles…”
“Nope–it’s just me and the dead beetles.”
“There’s no way I could persuade you to go for dinner with me, is there?”
“It’s in the syllabus.”
“It’s in the syllabus.”
“It’s in the syllabus.”
“Snuggle?”
Are you my physics I proffesor?
The Terminus Est doll shall say:
“Woo-hoo! I’m masturbating like a motherfuck!”
and
“I burning your dog!”
and
“Hi Opal!”
I’m surprised by how many people have fast food orders in their top 5.
Mine would be
As long as your up, make me a martini.
Better lucky than good.
See?! That’s why I told you not to do that.
Yeah, I’ll put it on my to-do list.
Would you care to dance?
Parents should be cautioned against letting their children look directly at my dolls face, lest they be stricken blind. You would have to be 21 to buy my doll.
Son of bitch! Shit! (think* Stripes*)
Knock it off, dog.
I said, knock it off.
*Sarcastic *
Of course you do.
Yeah, right.
I’d rather drink a glass of hot spit.
Fuck that.
- annoyed*
What the Fuck, over?
What?
And so on.