Okay, I just finished watching “The Crying Game,” and even though I knew all about the main plot twist going in (“it’s not REALLY a man…”) how the movie handled it threw me for a loop. And it got me to thinking. Jaye Davidson’s character in the movie was technically a transvestite, since he still had male plumbing. Had he gone ahead and had the operation, nobody would have ever been able to tell he was a man in any way (making him a transsexual). But suppos YOU, gentle reader, unknowingly slept with such a person? (A transsexual, I mean.) How would you feel about it, if/when you found out? Would it bother you? Would you care?
This is open to both women and men, gay and straight.
Well, it wouldn’t bother me at all. I’m not the type of person who just sleeps with people for fun, or has sex for the sake of sex. To me, sex is not fun unless it’s making love. So if I’m taking the chance and the time to sleep with somebody it’ll be because I feel something real and strong for them, it won’t matter about their past.
Hmmm, did I explain that right?
I think it would bother me, but only because the person would have been decieving me by not being honest and telling me that they had been born a woman. I would feel I had no been allowed to make my choise based on all the facts. I can deal with almost anything, as long as there are no lies, no dishonesty.
I think you’re overestimating the overall success of trans surgery. In a lot of cases, yes, you can tell.
BTW, the character was a transsexual if they identified as female. Surgery isn’t necessarily a part of it.
At one point I briefly dated a transman (F to M). Morgan actually identified as a lesbian when we were dating, but came out as trans very soon after. It really threw a loop in my concept of happy lesbian sexual identity, if that makes any sense.
But honesty is key here. Yes, a trans person is attempting to live their life in the body they feel is right for them, but getting into a relationship with someone without filling them in on the backstory seems quite dishonest.
I’d be more annoyed that the person concealed the fact that he/she/whatever was indeed a transexual. If I felt that the person was malicious about it, then I’d probably decide to be angry. But only if there was malicious intent.
Gotta say I’m with Ayesha and SPOOFE (got it right this time .) I’m not into casual sex, and by the time of the “big moment” I would hope that there would have been ample opportunities to get to know each other and share all of the important aspects of our lives.
I can’t honestly say how I would feel if I had this knowledge up-front, I guess it would depend on the person as a whole, whether they were honest and caring, how I felt about them and how they made me feel about myself when I was with them.
But I can promise that if the subject only came up after sex, I would kick them to the curb so fast that their head would spin. I would consider this a complete betrayal of our trust and that’s something that I will never be able to tolerate. Whether you are a friend or a lover, the biggest gift I can give to you is honesty, and I expect no less in return. Sometimes it hurts, but in the long run it’s the only way.
Just FYI: This topic was discussed in this thread.
And just to clarify some things from the OP based on what I’ve read…a transsexual is “one whose primary sexual identification is with the opposite sex.” My understanding is that the primary difference between a transvestite and transsexual (or I’ve seen it as transgendered) person is that the former is (again dictionary) “a person who dresses and acts in a style or manner traditionally associated with the opposite sex” but does not necessarily have the desire or inclinationt to be the opposite gender while a transsexual does. Those having gender altering surgery are often referred to as post-op(erative) transsexuals. Therefore, the character in “The Crying Game” was a true transsexual–he wanted to be a woman but, for whatever reason, had not had surgery altering his gender.
I know a guy who got all drunk while out of town, picked up a willing lady at a bar and stumbled back to his motel room, all horny and ready for action. Said lady turns out to be a guy with knockers and male gear. Said friend thinks about it for a boozy moment and dives in.
Later said she/he looked pretty, felt nice, had great knockers and where he went in, he did not have to look at anything dangling. Said it felt fine to him, though next time he goes out, he’s going to ask a few questions before taking the girl home.
I also know a full transsexual, complete with surgical ‘adjustments’. Great breasts, pretty hair, nice, … uh, ‘package’ (one of the advantages of custom design) but has a man face and manbutt. Turns me off. Curiously enough, she/he prefers to fool with lesbians.
Now that’s interesting. As a guy, he was a chick magnet, but wanted to be a girl. So he gets the works, and still mainly prefers girls, though he/she does fool with a guy now and then. (I’m not one of them. I like a woman with a woman’s butt and a woman’s face, thank you.)
Keep in mind that sexual orientation and gender identity are two entirely different things. There are straight trans people, there are queer ones. So it’s not really that unusual.
Well, please don’t take this as me picking on you, merely clarifying:
You really ought to refer to her as “she”.
She may not have had any desire at all to be female - it may have been thrust upon her by birth, or by a combination of birth and life experience. This particular topic is the subject of numerous Great Debates, however, so feel free to disagree with me.
And now, for the IMO portion of our program:
TG persons who are female and lesbians can be explained by a couple possibilities, IMO. First, that person could be TG to start with, but may also have had terrible, sickening experiences with males and masculinity, and therefore seeks shelter and love only from females. Second, they may still be new enough to their realization of what they are that they still are uncertain about sexual preference, and having been in the male culture their whole life to that point they still are drawn to the female as desired partners. Or, they may simply be the “lesbian trapped in a man’s body” that is the fodder of comedians like Andrew Dice Clay. There are a couple other, more complex possibilities to explain the behavior as well, that are best left to a psychology major to explain.
.) I’m not into casual sex, and by the time of the “big moment” I would hope that there would have been ample opportunities to get to know each other and share all of the important aspects of our lives.