Not only am I stealing this MMP from mr. bus guy, I’m not even going to write one! Hah!
Some time ago I was invited to share some of my stored up Best of Straight Dope quotes in MMP format, so that’s what I’m going to do.
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim]
Ok, if I were disgustingly rich.
- I would have a dwarf in a cherub suit sprinnkling rose petals ahead of wherever I go.
- Not wanting to litter, I would have a crew following my path to pick up the rose petals. By hand, as vaccuum cleaner noise would disturb me.
- I will have two translaters with me at all times. I will direct them with subtle hand signals to occasionally begin simultaneous translations through bullhorns of my every word into these other languages; Vietnamese, Mandarin, Yiddish, and Hmong. Each succeeding sentence will be translated into two of these, and not the same two as the sentence before. As they speak, they will gesture wildly and shake their fists at their listeners, or each other. The purpose will be to intimidate visitors, most of whom don’t speak any of the languages.
- I’d have a couple of guys basically playing the role that Dennis Hopper played inApocalypse Now – people so overwhelmed by awe and LSD that they create bad poetry in their attempts to describe me.
- I will have another person accompanying me with a clipped British accent who says, “He’s right, you know” , after every declaration I make.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Askia]
Why you lazy kids, with your modern micro-oven waves and fancy-schmancy electrical refrigeration. Why in MY day, back in Kenya, we’d take sixteen gallon drums of cooked rice and force feed them to two gazelles, then we’d debone them and stuff them inside a deboned rhinocerous, which was stuffed inside a deboned pregnant elephant. We’d roast the whole durn abonination over a sixty foot spit and have twenty of our village’s greatest warriors dive down from a precipice with vines tied around their ankles and spears in their mouths so they could BASTE the animal with palm wine and peanut oil. Took thirty nine hours to cook, six more to cool off, and none of the 800 guests could even get a taste until after the first three hours of ceremonial dancing and praisesongs to the king. And that was the just appetizer on Mondays.
Turducken, furschmucken. You ain’t lived till you had roast gazrhinophant.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Mangetout]
Banana worms (I’ve mentioned them before).
These are the large (up to 12cm long) larvae of a large subtropical beetle - cases of infestation are incredibly common - perhaps as many as 60% of the bananas in a typical supermarket will contain a banana worm, yet they are almost never detected; the reason for this is that, when disturbed, they stop moving entirely, oh and because their flesh has a texture and taste that very closely matches that of a normal ripe banana.
If you’ve eaten bananas, you’ve eaten banana worms and enjoyed the experience.
Well, you would have, if they weren’t just a figment of my imagination.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Princhester]
The reason that Dweebles don’t believe in footlianism is, aside from the fact that it is based on gwivery and is by nature dwiverous, because it does not tzoober, and in fact it fails any tzoober spectacularly.
[/QUOTE]
I hope you all feel properly confused, now. Have a nice Monday!
) and then we had lunch at my sister’s. I left after lunch cause it was lookin’ kinda oogie like outside and I was hoping to escape driving in big storms, which I did by about an hour. Plus, my sinuses were hurtin’ something fierce! Anyways, I got home about four yesterday afternooon, took some sinus stuff and was lyin’ on my big sofa in the living room when it got really dark. I looked outside and yikes! big thunderstorm rollin’ in. I turned on TWC and sure enough there was a thunderstorm warning. Then all the sirens went off and the voice said “Attention! Thunderstorm warning! Seek cover immediately!” I love the voice from the sirens. So, it started raining, then thunder and lightning, then hail. Oh and a bunch of high winds for about an hour. After that, I decided I’d just call it a night, so I took more sinus stuff, went to bed and watched tv for about an hour before I drifted off to sleep. Mom got some good loot. Gift cards, a couple of nice rings, a nice necklace and a nice bracelet. Mom likes jewerly. Except for earrings. She won’t wear 'em.
You should see what I did to 
