I know I have been very fortunate in having a mother generous enough to allow me to get on my feet and give me a chance to move out and start my career with every advantage possible. For that, I am greatly appreciative. However, my mom really dropped the ball on me this evening.
She announced that her boyfriend’s daughter, a drug addict who had been spending the past couple of months in prison for shoplifting, will be coming to live with us for a while. I, for one, am not comfortable with the prospect of a meth addict who had spent the last 3 months doing drug deals out of a motel room coming to live with us.
It’s nothing personal. However, this woman has a way of getting trouble to follow her wherever she goes. I think that having her live here is bad news, and personally I am going to use it as a very strong incentive to find a means to get out of here ASAP.
My mother rightly justified the decision, pointing out that since I don’t pay the mortgage, I don’t have any say. Her boyfriend pays half of everything, and she can’t afford to live in the house if he bails. But I am rather surprised that my mom, having an ex-spouse who was a drug addict, would go along with this. I am disappointed about her decision, but then again, I’m the only one that seems to have a problem with it. :mad:
I guess it gives me a reason to look forward to going to the job fair in Santa Clara tomorrow…
If you don’t get out in time, see if you can get a lock on your room or better yety, get all your good stuff out of thetre and have nothing in your room so there is no place for a stash that could bring you down in there.
Be nice it the addict gets straight but it is not your job. Keep an open mind and cover yer ass as best you can.
You have good instincts. Be supportive on your mom when this situation goes to hell. Try to be pleasant about the young woman. Try privately to get your mother to lock up anything that has sentimental and intrinsic value.
Both my older sisters are addicts.
Get a good lock. Add identification to anything valuable. Advise your mother to get a good safe that only you and her know the combination to.
That’s pretty much all you can do. Drug addicts are people too.
Wow. You’re living at my house, aren’t you? And the one before that.
I feel for you, Incubus. I’ve had the meth addicted step sibling sharing the house with me and now have a meth addicted brother in law doing same. And I fourth getting a lock. And a sturdy, sturdy door.
So, your mom helping out a grown, capable, educated, and relatively normal kid is A-OK in your book, but when someone with real issues who needs real help comes along you “dissaprove”?
I imagine the difference lies in whether or not the girl in question actually wants help getting better.
If she truly wants to clean up her act, great.
If she just needs a place to crash cause she just got out of prison, is only staying there because has no where else to go, and doesn’t plan on cleaning up at all however, then i can pretty much promise that house will become a hell for everyone else concerned in pretty short order.
That’s true. The OP doesn’t specify anything other than that she’s been locked up for the last three months. I assumed she was coming right from jail to her fathers so there is a possibility that she’s currently clean and looking to break her cycle. If not, it will be readily apparent and her Dad can deal with it then.
Either way, if the OP’s mom is generous enough to support him I find it fairly hypocritical for him to turn around and be dissapointed that she’s backing up her spouse when he want to support his kid. I mean, dissapointed? As if she’s failed to live up to some standard of charity he expects her to meet? She can support a grown son so he can work petty jobs and play extended adolescence for just a bit longer, but giving help to the druggie stepdaughter is just not done. It bugs me. The only part of the OP I unconditionally agree with is the title.
Well, he admits in the OP that he’s the only one who seems to have a problem with it. As for meth addicts, yeah, she’s probably currently clean due to (hopefully) lack of supply in prison, but that can change very fast. Neither he nor his mom nor her father have any idea what she’s really going to be like or if she’ll be trustworthy, and that should be a concern.
I have a sister-in-law who’s been addicted to drugs on and off all her life, and even though her current usage is legal prescription drugs and she’s apparently got a doc who’ll feed her supply, I still protested heartily when my father-in-law wanted to push her off on my husband and I for a “temporary” stay. I love her, but she’s burned through her second (and third and more) chances when it comes to stuff like that.
Although I’ve never met a meth addict, I have met and dealt with addicts of other drugs. While there is a fair to good chance that the girl will go back to using, but having no where to go will direct her back into her old sphere of friends and will almost definately lead to her going back to using again.
While it isn’t a safe bet letting her live there, it is the best bet for her getting clean.
belladonna, the OP’s mother has a boyfriend who has a daughter, not a husband. That also makes a difference. I’d be rather upset too, but because it was someone who 3 months ago was selling drugs out of hotel rooms, and who is also addicted to meth and a convicted thief. If the police find meth, or crack in the house, everyone who lives in the house will likely go to jail for a time at least, and may face charges. That’s nothing I’d want to be mixed up in either.
I can understand if you’re worried your mom will be taken advantage of but, shit, she’s been housing you for free and you pit her for dropping the ball? Dropping the ball? Makes it sound like you were a team working toward a common goal of having you housed comfortably for as long as you wanted. You did your share by living there rent-free, but then MOM DROPPED THE BALL. I’m with belladonna, that’s obnoxious. Belladonna is always saying what I think.
The need for the OP to move out and get his own life is one.
the other is that I don’t know of anyone who would welcome such an explosive time bomb as what is coming to dinner and soon.
If this were my mom, I would worry for her very safety. If this girl isn’t clean and determined to stay so, she probably will attract a not so nice element into the house.
Whose hand shoots up in the air to volunteer for that? Not many people. I think it’s nice that Mom wants to “help”–but I think also that Mom doesn’t have a clue as to what she has signed on for. It could all be good, but the risk of it not is quite high. Locks are a must, as well as a safe.
Now, if Mom is having this girl in to act as an impetus for the OP to get a move on…that’s a whole 'nother thread!
After re-reading the OP, it occurs to me that perhaps Incubus meant “dropped the bomb on me” - surprised him with this news; rather than “dropped the ball” implying that she lost control of the situation. YMMV.
Meth addiction is some degree ‘worse’ in it’s claim to the user than say chewing gum or other addictions. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and have seen a thing or three. Kid has a good reason to worry. It is up to the one coming in that she is willing and is not a threat. Not the one there to welcome with open arms. She ain’t got the flu, but a people destroying problem that can and does and probably will suck down all those around her unless she is very lucky and works very hard and wants to be better with all he might. The odds are not good.
To those who look down on the OP’s ‘tude’, you got some moccasins to walk in a bit first because is seems pretty clear you ain’t got a clue. Now if you will offer up your home and kids to this girl, ( like that would happen ) then is different.
Without going into the whole sordid tale because, honestly, I doubt anyone would be interested, let me assure you that when it comes to drug addiction I have enough fucking clues to send Colonol Mustard to the gallows.
The mom and her man facing a long, hard struggle with this girl is entirely possible, even likely. But it’s their home and their decision, and whining about dissapointment and ball-dropping sounds pretty ridiculous coming from someone who’s suckling the same teat.
This may be a “whole new reason to move out ASAP.” But I doubt he will.
When his mother asks this 25 year old man share in the with the rent and other household expenses, that will be the day he * really * thinks about moving out.
I realize he referred to the man as a boyfriend in the OP, but a couple that cohabitates in a house where they each pay half the mortgage? If they live in a common law state, they’re not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, at least not so far as the government is concerned. That’s a serious level of commitment to a relationship, and I’m not sure it really suffers the distinction you want to introduce.
