Abortion Experiences

In My Humble Opinion
61

I am sorry to hear your friend is in this difficult situation.
Here is a webpage with advice to pregnant women from women who have had abortions and now suffer emotional problems because of it: PASS Support Site - "Best Advice" page
Some are pro-choice, some pro-life. There is a whole range of opinions and ideas there.

I really think she should tell her parents, if only because abortion is an invasive procedure which CAN result in complications that need to be treated. She needs to be able to go to her parents for help, rather than possibly delaying treatment to conceal the abortion, if there are physical or emotional problems that need to be treated. I think that, because she was raised in a religion that tends to be very pro-life (even if she doesn’t consider herself Catholic anymore), plus planning to abort without any support from her family and probably feeling like “it’s the only choice”, she is at risk for having a hard time coping with aborting.

Nobody should feel forced to abort for lack of other options, if this is a truly “pro-choice” (rather than pro-abortion) society. She found out she’s pregnant only a few days ago, so it isn’t much of a surprise that she isn’t ready to have a baby right now. Fortunately, pregnancy does last nine months. That is enough time to find help and resources.

Here are some places that can offer help with issues like telling her parents, finding a place to stay, school or work, arranging an adoption, etc. :
http://www.nurturingnetwork.org/
http://www.birthright.org/

http://www.pregnancycenters.org
http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/programs/

Below are some maternity homes that will offer shelter and other services to pregnant women, some which focus on adoption and some that don’t care whether or not the woman wants to choose adoption. Perhaps knowing that she doesn’t have to stay with her parents will make it easier to avoid feeling coerced to marry the guy.
http://www.gladney.org/html/pregnant/livewithus.html (this one has several locations in TX)
http://www.harborhouse.org/
http://members.door.net/smithlawn/ (another TX one)
http://www.maryelizabeth.net/
There are others out there–those are just some I found links to right away.

Please encourage her to think carefully about how having an abortion will affect her emotionally. I think, for teen girls in particular, it is tempting to want to think abortion will just “erase the problem” and put everything “back to normal”, but I have encountered so many women who experienced lasting effects from an abortion, I don’t think that is realistic. Pregnancy leaves a lifelong impression, whether it ends in a birth, a miscarriage, or an abortion.

62

Crispy - your friend is lucky to have you there with her.

Never had an abortion but have many friends who have. First was back in the dark ages before it was legal. My friend went to what was called a ‘back alley abortionist,’ and amid non-sterile conditions had the abortion performed. Several days later, still bleeding profusely, she called me for help. I phoned my own OB/GYN, explained the situation and he welcomed her to come in to have a D&C and repair the damage done. She emerged just fine.

Subsequent abortion stories from friends have run the gamut from pain and guilt to positive exhiliration that the nightmare was over.

Have noticed something about the guilt factor: women feel guilty when they have abortions; women feel guilty when they put their babies up for adotion; women feel guilty when they bring a child into an abusive relationship, into a fatherless situation, into a poverty situation. Women feel guilty about every damn thing imaginable.

She should do what is best for her, which now seems to have an abortion in the most supportive, excellent facility available. Please contact Planned Parenthood.

63

Crispy - your friend is lucky to have you there with her.

Never had an abortion but have many friends who have. First was back in the dark ages before it was legal. My friend went to what was called a ‘back alley abortionist,’ and amid non-sterile conditions had the abortion performed. Several days later, still bleeding profusely, she called me for help. I phoned my own OB/GYN, explained the situation and he welcomed her to come in to have a D&C and repair the damage done. She emerged just fine.

Subsequent abortion stories from friends have run the gamut from pain and guilt to positive exhiliration that the nightmare was over.

Have noticed something about the guilt factor: women feel guilty when they have abortions; women feel guilty when they put their babies up for adotion; women feel guilty when they bring a child into an abusive relationship, into a fatherless situation, into a poverty situation. Women feel guilty about every damn thing imaginable.

She should do what is best for her, which now seems to have an abortion in the most supportive, excellent facility available. Please contact Planned Parenthood.

64

My best friend in college had one after getting pregnant from a one-night stand. She didn’t tell me she was going to have it done until the day before. I begged her not to and told her I would take the baby (and no, I wasn’t just talking out of my ass, I would have, and could have, done it).

So she had it done. She said it was horribly painful and she was scared to death.

Afterwards she had a lot of psychological problems for a while (nightmares about the baby, guilt, etc.) so she ended up in counseling.

I’m glad to say she’s doing fine now and has moved on with her life. Pro-life as I am I cannot bear to see any woman beat herself up over having one. There is nothing you can do about it, you can’t get the baby back so you’ve got to forgive yourself and move on.

65

k2dave,

I am 33 going on 34 and I have no regrets about my decision. I don’t desire to have children, children are great but I would make a horrible mommy.

Also, I was adopted and have some issues with that which I have discussed on the SDMB in the past. It was a decision that I took to heart but I also know that in my heart it was the best decision I could make for me.

Some find it horrific and such that one would even make that decision. But when backed in a corner, a person will do what he/she can to do what is best for all involved.

For me, cats are the perfect “child” as they don’t require a lot of care, limited needs for attention and they shit in a box rather than in their diapers and needing their asses wiped. Kids are great, I love my neices and nephews but I would make a horrible mother.

I don’t regret my decision and I discussed it much with “God” and am comfortable with what I did to the extent that I learned a lot from it. I also have, recently, decided that my next sexual encounter will be with a man I am truly in love with and commited to. You’d be amazed at what an experience like that will do to change your mind about how you live your life. Even if it took me almost 10 years to realize that.

66

To the author: Could you explain why it is impossible to give the baby up for adoption? I have a cousin who was once in this situation and refused to get an abortion. Her parents, too, were devout Catholics. She was 17 and she hid her pregnancy (this is hard, I know, but it is very possible–girls do it every day) for the first sixth months until finally she broke down and told her parents. I assure you, if your friend really wanted to give this baby its rightful chance at life, she could do it. There are a trillion ways to arrange an adoption and I think it would be a good idea for her to explore these options. There are many families who are even willing for the woman to live with them until she gives birth. I just don’t want your friend to think she doesn’t have any options if she would really rather not have an abortion if there were any other way.

Please understand, I have a lot of sympathy for your friend--this is a terrible situation she is in.  I don't know...I'm 17 and if I were in this situation, knowing that so many couples are infertile and looking for a child to love, I would certainly give it up for adoption.  As it is, I do not know all the circumstances and am truly interested in why adoption is totally out of the question. 
  BTW, I'm not a Catholic, but I do know that abortion is considered an excommunicable sin.  I'm going to assume your friend isn't a staunch Catholic merely because she wouldn't be having premarital sex in the first place, but would she care about this fact?  
  I am 100% pro-life and would really urge your friend to talk to her parents.  My cousin's parents were extremely anal, straight-laced Catholics (not implying that all of them are like that ;) )--the kind that you could never step out of line with.  She was scared to death to tell them, but finally she felt she had to, and they were far and away more supportive than she ever imagined.  It is wonderful that she has a friend like you that is supporting her through this.  I'll be praying for God to lead her to the decision that is right, whatever that may be.  Peace and blessings...