Abortion Experiences

In My Humble Opinion
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Sue, thanks for noticing those two extra words in the link. That can make a huge difference. If she had one and then had her father told, he wouldn’t disown her. He’d just never give consent. Shae has been to PP and said they wouldn’t stop pushing adoption on her, and was very unhappy about it. I told her I’m dragging her ass up there Friday so she has to talk to them again.

Pussycat, I had no idea it was legal for a 17 year old to get an abortion in Texas! Why couldn’t I find that info…That suggestion has real potential, harm to myself be damnned.

TechchickOne of the first options we looked into was herbal abortion. But she’s significantly overweight and had doubts about how well it would work because of that. Especially since most of the pro-herbal websites said it was only about 50% effective. So for that reason, and the risks she decided that should only be a last resort.
As for involving a judge, it’s pretty hard to find sympathetic, pro-choice judges in Baton Rouge. That’s where she is, by the way. Even if she did find one, her father knows just about everyone in the parish court system. It’d be a miracle if he wasn’t told. So she;d be right bak where she started. Still no legal abortion and now her parents would know.

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Ugh, sorry about all the grammatical/spelling errors in that post. It’s early and I didn’t get much sleep…And I’m too lazy to hit preview :rolleyes:

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I had an abortion at the age of 18. To me that was one of the wisest decisions I made. My boyfriend ditched me after the words “I’m pregnant” were uttered from me. I took it upon myself to fix this situation I was in. I found an abortion clinic through the yellow pages. I made an appt. like I was making a hair cut appt. The only problem I had was getting to and from the clinic. I had a friend who said he’d drive me there and pick me up. Two days before the appt. he said what I was doing was wrong and he did not want to be a part of it. I had to beg my sister to drive me and not tell anybody about it. The whole process wasn’t that bad. I was just amazed at the amount of girls who got abortions everyday. I was scared because I was so alone. My sister wasn’t there because she had to leave work to drop me off. I sat there and cried because I was alone. Not for what I was doing. Overall it was very quick. I took a pregnancy test. Waited…waited. Then went into a little room. Doctor came in examined me. Wheeled me away. I paid $100 extra to not be awake during the procedure. I didn’t want to know what was going on. I was injected with some kind of drug that kind of made me not pass out…but not realize I was there. Next thing I know I’m in the recovery room and they’re asking me if i can get up and walk. Honestly, I had no guilt afterwards. I know I did the right thing for me. The only horrible part of the whole thing is those goddamn protesters. Screw them.

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Here’s my suggestion (btw I never had an abortion)

have her tell here parents. If they want to keep the baby, fine case closed. If not then when it’s close to the delivery time the family (excluding the 'absuive bf) go on a month’s vacation to parts unknown (another state - don’t tell anyone where you are going). Have the baby there and give in up for adoption.

If you want to visit NYC they have a policy that you can leave a newborne at a police or fire house (given to the staff - not just left at the doorstep) and walk away - no questions, no forms.

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Hey ** Crispy**, I was just kind of curious, If the father wants the baby, Why doesn’t your friend want to give it to him ?

It seems like an abortion is going to be difficult to get since she’s underage. If you already answered this, I apologize.

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Crispy:
Just wanted to wish your friend (and you!) some peace. hug

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I have two experiences to share, neither one happened to me -

My cousin, pregnant at 16 or 17 with an abusive boyfriends baby had an abortion. She was able to talk with her parents and they actually took her to the clinic. She says no regrets.

Your friend may want to research homes for unwed mothers in and around your area. I know a girl who stayed there until she gave birth. I just imagine your friend’s parents may have an easier time if she had a whole plan " I have found this place I can stay, it’s catholic, christian, non-denominational, whatever…" she should check into her legal rights and see if there is no way to put the baby up for adoption. She may, if the daddy doesn’t know, just eb able to “go away” for a while to visit “family from out of town”.

It’s just a thought.

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Crispy,
I think most of the advice given here has been good. Thogught I’d share my experience with you also.

My best friend (still is btw) had an abortion 3 years ago at age 19. I was the one who took her to the clinic. I didn’t even tell my parents what I was doing. I said I was going to a study group for a class I was in, no questions were asked, if they had been I would have lied. My friend only told me, a mutual good friend of ours and the guy she was dating at the time. She didn’t tell her parents until 3 months after the procedure. It was a Saturday and we went to a clinic where my friend paid $1500 cash (luckily she was working and had the money). She didn’t want me to go into the operating room with her, so I sat with the 4 other girls who looked to be high school age to me. That was a bad part for me, while my friend was having the procedure, I had to listen to the receptionist tell one girl she was too far along to get the procedure done at that clinic, she was about 14 and with her mother. I felt so bad for them. The other girls were in with friends, all seemed worried and restless waiting for thier friends to come out, like me. Luckily my friend had the first appointment of the day and we got to leave before all but one of the girls.

She was devastated afterwards but she didn’t regret doing it, still doesn’t. The guy who got her pregnent was a real asshole, she would’t leave him until later. The reason she had to have the abortion was that she was in danger of losing her own life if she carried the baby to term. Thank goodness I finally convinced her to leave the SOB! I was surprised she could keep it from her parents for so long, but she was not a minor as your friend is. Her parents were devastated that she didn’t tell them before she did this because they would have helped her through it.

As hard as it will be, I think your friend should tell at least one of her parents about her pregnancy. I also think she should get the abortion, but only by a reputable doctor. How much have your pursued talking to a judge? You may be surprised by a progressive judge who will sign that court order you talked about. I think you should persue all avenues before dismissing them. Just MHO. My friend is very happy that she has put her asshole, abusive ex out of her life. Without the abortion she would have never broken up with him. Without the procedure, she would have never been free to meet the wonderful guy I introduced her to and they wouldn’t be celebrating 1 year of wonderful marraige. Hope everything works out for you and your friend.

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Crispy has said at least twice that the BF is abusive. That’s as good a reason I can think of to not give him a baby.

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I wanted to add to my earlier post that, although I was only 17 at the time, I did not need parental consent or notification of any kind. That was in CA in 1985, I don’t know if the laws here have changed.

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To choose an abortion over letting the boyfriend have custody is essentially saying that children with abusive parents are better off dead. That’s a pretty hefty statement, regardless of your stance on the issue.

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Crispy,

I sent you a private email. I hope it is helpful. I find your compassion uplifting.
–pussycat

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I had a one night stand with an old girlfriend a year or so out of college, and she got pregnant. I didn’t have a real opinion on abortion then, but we were frightened to death, and it seemed like the wisest decision at the time, to my 23 year-old mind.

I was not there for the abortion (we lived in different states, she had come to visit for a few days), but she wrote a graphic letter about it that was the most searing thing I ever read. I acted very small, selfish, and cheesy, and told her I couldn’t deal with it, please don’t contact me again. I didn’t speak to her again until ten years later.

I was plunged into a 3-year depression (I’m kind of wired for that anyway), and I credit the woman who would become my wife for helping me pull out of that.

During those years, I used to imagine what a tow-headed boy we would have made, and I felt I had murdered him. I literally felt I killed my firstborn. It took a long, long time to accept that the blame was not mine alone, that it really was probably the wisest thing to do (short of adoption), and that yes I’m a flawed human being who can be quite selfish and small when the chips are down.

When my firstborn child (a boy) was born, I went with him into the hospital nursury. As I really took him in for the very first time, something very primal happened in my brain, and I just wept. I couldn’t help but feel that God had forgiven me, and given me a tow-headed boy again.

10 years or so after the abortion, I got an email from the old girlfriend, saying that she treated me badly, and to please forgive her. I did, and asked her to forgive me for being such a selfish person who treated her shabbily.

In the years since, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only people that understand abortion are the people who’ve actually been there. Everybody else (left and right) is an ideologue with an agenda, not people trying to help. This thread is unique in that most of the posters have been there. You’ll note that almost none of them are making moral judgements on the situation – they’ve been there, and know how emotionally wrenching it can be, and how murky the thought process can be.

The Catholic Church is for adoption, so perhaps with a priest’s intervention, she can convince her parents to send her far away where the boyfriend can’t reach her, to have her baby and give it up for adoption. Whatever she does, she needs to get away from the boyfriend for good. If adoption far far away isn’t an option, abortion is probably the right choice to make.

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Just something I noticed that I think I need to be point out.

In general (meaning it doesn’t apply to all), I have noticed (I’m not saying it’s a fact - just my personal experence) that people who say they have no regrets having an abortion change their minds and start regretting when they get into their 30’s.

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Thanks again for everyone’s input. I wish I could respond right now, but I’ve come down with three sicknesses at once. I do so love my immune system. :frowning:

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My wife became pregnant about a month after we were married, following a very short courtship, and we had just moved countries and jobs. It absolutely would have been a bad choice for us to go through with the pregnancy then. We got an abortion, and have never thought about it since. Absolutely no impact on how we feel about our daughter, and we are older parents. YMMV

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Since Cranky was brave enough to be the first to speak up, so will I. I am 43. I had an abortion at 24. I already had one child (8 months old) and have had two more since. I had “textbook” pregnancies all three times. No morning sickness, no problems whatsoever. I do not feel guilty. I do not feel remorse. IMHO it was the best thing to do and the only viable option at the time. Yes, I was mad at my DH (for being so dang fertile, and yes, I was on the pill) for a while, but the way things turned out a few years later (another story completely), it was actually a blessing.

There, now you all know something even my OB/GYN doesn’t know.

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k2dave, I am now in my thirties. My opinion hasn’t really changed. I will confess that once I experiences a wanted pregnancy, one we were joyous about, I felt bad that the earlier one had inspired such dread in me. I had a better sense of how precious even the tiniest little fertilized egg could be. But that doesn’t change how I felt about the decision I made.

I have to say that the only true grudge I really feel is against the fellow who washed his hands of me.

Thanks for others who have spoken up. Joltsucker’s post was so moving. I think you have to have been there to know (although everyone’s experience and circumstances are different).

Lyllyan, my friends had a similar experience–being married and stable and with one baby already, then finding themselves unexpectedly pregnant. They aborted (despite both being Catholic and never believing they’d do it) and later went on to have another beautiful child. In their case, their first child was only a few months old and the mom was in the throes of bad PPD. Her doctor and therapist told her they didn’t see how she’d make it through another pregnancy and birth without killing herself. They are the last people I would have EVER thought would do it (before I knew the situation) but it was also the right decision for them. You just can’t judge from outside.

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Visit this site

(According to them, Texas requires patients under 18 to notify one parent 48 hours before the procedure. Florida has no restrictions.)

I had an abortion at age 18. I had no regrets at the time, and I have no regrets now, at age 31. I have had two normal, easy pregnancies since. And regardless of anything anyone says here, whether they have personal experience or not, the decision is ultimately your friends to make.

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FWIW, I went with one of my friends when she had an abortion several years ago. She was already in her 2nd trimester before she even knew she was pregnant (she had lots of gyno problems, and had gone in for her annual pap smear), this baby was at high risk for birth defects due to her other health problems, and she’d been done with the father for some time when this happened. Her mentally unstable mom/grandma wanted to raise the baby, and had threatened her with bodily harm if she gave it up for adoption.

So this girl had these options: drop out of school and try to raise an unwanted baby with birth defects, either by herself or with this guy who left her long ago; put the baby up for adoption (since so many folks are dying to get biracial babies with birth defects) and wait for her mom to hurt her; let her crazy mom raise the baby; or have an abortion. It seemed cruel to her to put a child into any of these situations, so she had the abortion. She needed a support person, and no one else was willing to go with her, so off we went.

The process of getting in there was enough to break your heart. I’ve never seen such elaborate security measures, and it just killed me to think that anti-abortion people have made such things necessary. Like this isn’t a stressful enough situation without the intimidation tactics. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes abortion isn’t just about convenience; that sometimes it’s really the most humane thing for a kid. Hang in there, Crispy, and keep fighting for your friend. I understand her decision completely, and I’m damned proud of you for being there for her.