Ace's Apology

I beg to differ, Scylla. These are merely challenges to diplomacy.

I thought you should know that your mother and I are involved, in an intimate way. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.

Despite your obvious talent and prowess, I’m afraid that you won’t be moving on to the next round of our show. We’d very much like to encourage you to continue in your pursuit of show business success.

In the interest of full disclosure, I feel that it’s necessary for me to tell you that, unfortunately, I succumbed to a rather juvenile urge recently. It seems that I found you sleeping at one point, and couldn’t restrain myself; I gave in to the overwhelming urge to put my genitals on your face. Seeing that this momentous opportunity might never repeat itself, I decided to immortalize the occasion by taking a picture. And then, in a surge of generosity, I decided to share the event with the world via the internet. Specifically, the website for your corporation. I hope they appreciate it as much as I did.

Perhaps you should consider consuming your bodily secretia in a more private setting.

Dad?

We regret to inform you that your current submission does not meet our current need. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Psst. Hey, buddy. I’m afraid I saw you being rather indiscreet with the contents of your nostril. You might want to be more careful about that in the future.

Dad??

You’ve never said truer words.

Mr.visible:

Ok, now I’m pissed. Try this one:
-I am now lighting the fuse on a firecracker I’ve stuck in your ass.

or this:

-Now that the paralytic drug I’ve slipped you has taken effect you will be forced to remain there motionless while my savage sloths rend the flesh from your bones.

Ace:

Here’s a stepladder. Use it to get the fuck over yourself.

**
I regret to inform you that some experiments I’m performing in recombinant rectal fulmination may temporarily cause you some inconvienience. I apologize for any anal discomfort you may experience.

Did you know that savage sloths are an endangered species? As I know you’re an animal lover, I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear how you’re about to help with their continued survival…

Fenris

So, the apology was really for you in the end.

See. if it was for others, then you would not be focused on getting it off your chest, but waiting instead for the one(s) you are apologizing to be receptive.

It’s all still selfish self-aggrandizing behaviour from you.

Damn. Mr. Visible snuck in while I was working on my post. Good job Mr. V.

-My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

Perhaps you’ve noticed a certain amount of rectal discomfort recently. I assure you, the cause of that is about to be quickly and decisively removed.

In an effort to ensure your comfort and relaxation, we’ve taken the liberty of administering a drug that will allow you to remain in this particular position indefinitely. Meanwhile, we thought you might enjoy interacting with some of our specially imported wildlife.

Didja ever wonder if the six-fingered man from The Princess Bride was related to the one-armed man from The Fugitive?

And by the way: to all onlookers.

This is the second fucked up apology in so many weeks we’ve seen on the SDMB.

This needs to stop. Let ol’ Unca Fenris give anyone confused by the concept of an apology a quick lesson:

An apology is NOT:[ul]
[li]An excuse to repeat the original offense.[/li][li]The proper time and place to justify your grievances[/li][li]A good chance to get in a few cheap shots at other people[/li][li]A place to add all sorts of wenie qualifiers (“IF I said something that some people might be hurt by…”)[/li][/ul]

The easiest apology is three sentences long and fits most occasions:

“I’m sorry for what I did. I’m ashamed that I did so. I wll not do it again and I hope you forgive me.”

It sort of loses something when repeated over and over for the same offense, but still. Three little sentences. Remember, with apologies, longer is worse not better.

Three short steps: Admit to wrongdoing. Acknowlege the harm you’ve caused. Ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again.

It ain’t all that hard folks and will get a whole lot better reception from everyone than the sort of turgid attempts at desperate self-justification we’ve been getting.

Fenris

Dear Count Rugen. Remember that incident with an unpaied debt regarding a certain custom-built sword a few years back? I’m afraid I’m here to collect.

Ah, but your “Dad?” joke made me laugh for three minutes straight.
Then I laughed for a minute gay, but it didn’t feel natural, so I went back and laughed for a couple more minutes straight to make sure.

Reading Ace’s OPs is kinda like when you go to the zoo, and you visit the monkey house, and you notice they’re playing with their own shit, throwing it around like baseballs. Mildly amusing, but mostly revolting.

I believe that this has been noted by another poster, but I think it it’s worth mentioning again that while Ace has been extremely vocal in his support of Joe_Cool and Jersey Diamond, they have not bothered to chime in their reciprocal support for Ace. I guess there is, after all, no honor among villains.

I’ve decided that I no longer care, either way. Y’all can go on with the discussion, but it’s about to become moot, 'cause I’m agonna mute him.

Lynn

< Foghorn Leghorn >

Heh. “Moot”/“Mute”. That’s a witty!

< /Foghorn Leghorn >

God damn it, I had a thread written up, which the server ate, and then I came back and found he’s been banned and the thread locked.
:mad: :mad:

<droid> Thank the Maker! </droid>

Seriously, thanks. A more self-absorbed snot I don’t think I’ve ever seen.