Ace's Apology

OOH! OOH! OOH! PICK ME!

Fitting that, in an “apology” thread where he mentions one poster specifically by name (and you can bet I am fluffling from that like I had never fluffled before), I’m the one who pointed out that not even his sister and brother in Aceholery came to his rescue during his Last Hour of Pain on this Earth.

And now the question becomes: is this going to be locked soon due to the very real possibility of it becoming a pile-on, or is the inherent catharsis (altough I’ll admit there might not be much up for grabs … nobody was really all that offended in the other thread, to my knowledge) involved in keeping it open something we wish to pursue?

I think we’re above such needlessness, but I also think there’s an amusing avenue we can take with this thread. To that end, Mr Visible and Fenris, have at these:

“I could not maintain erection with you because I find you less desirable than rock salt in my eyes.”

“There is a shortage of people like you. I’ve always thanked God for that.”

“Hello, Mark Serlin!”

“…does it get bigger?”

“Sir, you just lost your bidat political office to a dead man. No, I’m not joking. The man is dead. He’s been dead a week.”

“Your mother licks rat scrotum for a living.”

“Hillary, I had an affair. Actually more than one. The women were all ugly and sucked my dick.”

How about

-I hate you! Die! Die! (while stabbing with knife)

doing the snoopy dance

I want to be Lynn Bodoni when I grow up.

Hmm. I’m thinking of starting a new thread…“Why was Acehole banned?” Because it is a complete mystery to me. What rule did he break? I don’t get it…

Hey, he-ey
Goodbye!

**
My darling, I must confess that I am unable to fulfill my duties as a man to you as I am a mineralophile: Sodium chloride is my one true love.

"You are so very special that were there more like you, the rest of us would seem far too dull. "

“Hillary’s ass is fat.”*

**

**
“…because if it does, I’ll have to get a shoehorn and axel grease”

**

**
“Sir, I’m afraid we underestimated the unity and motivation of the undead vote.”

**

**
“It must be rewarding to have a mother who takes such a personal approach towards animal husbandry.”

**

“Hillary? Mark Serlin is on the line for you.”

Fenris

*I’m gonna be real embarassed if Serlin isn’t the “Hillary’s fat ass” guy. It’s either him or Cyberian/John-John. I’ve been told which is which a half dozen times and I STILL get 'em confused.

Don’t even.

Fenris: It was John-John who had the obsession with posterior of the junior senator from New York.

Twas JohnJohn/FrJohn/Cyberian54

Serlin was the “I worked in a Sex Bookshop” in his last public incarnation.

“You have a veneral disease and you may well be dead before you leave this free clinic. Don’t touch the door knob on your way out; it’s spread that far.”

“wHy WaS i BaNnEd!!!1111~~~~~~~”

“I feel no need to change anything about my posting style. Y’all can just kiss off.”

“Your acting sucks so bad you would have gotten turned down for ‘Day of the Warrior’.”

“The VW beetle has a penis bigger than yours. Yes, that’s right, I’m leaving you for a car.”

“If you were any uglier I’d make a citizen’s arrest on you. Get the fuck out of my sight.”

“I would rather split my tongue from the tip to my throat with an anthrax-tipped wire coat hanger than date you.”

Peyote and Twisty: Thank you for the clarification. If I’m honest, however, the next time they come up, I’ll probably get them mixed again. I don’t know why I can’t keep 'em straight: their stchicks are totally different.

“Perkins, come into my office. I’m sure you know that we’ve been having some difficulty lately. There’s no easy way to say this, but I’ve just come back from a board meeting, and we all agree. The only solution is for you to die. I know that you’ve given long and valuable service to this firm, but I’m afraid we have no choice. No, don’t struggle, that will only make things worse. Believe me, this was a difficult decision for all of us. Now hold still while I find the carotid artery…”

Good question. Apparently the only rule that matters is “Make Lynn like you.” It’s obvious that Lynn has no concept of fairness, and just closes threads from anybody who doesn’t fit her mental image of the New! Improved! Kinder, gentler Straight Dope, where feelings matter more than facts.
Regarding the other crap:
The two threads Ace started here were not defending me, JD, or anybody else. In fact, when the standard jerks started bringing it all up, he deftly steered the discussion away from the topic, and indicated that he doesn’t want to rehash it.

Jerseydiamond was NOT insulting to Eve - I was. She stated an innocent opinion that was completely relevant to the thread it took place in and was grilled for it. In response to the vile things said to her (which were quite offensive, and which Lynn predictably turned a blind eye to :rolleyes: ), said she doesn’t care how the idiots at large felt about it. If you want to talk shit about somebody being insulting to Eve, remember that it was me, not her.

Regarding apologies:
You people are right. Defending the action being apologized for in the process of an apology is stupid and counters any good coming from the apology. So it’s a good thing that’s not what I did. I clearly outlined what I was apologizing for, and also what I was NOT apologizing for. Learn the difference.

Regarding Ace’s defense:
First, he defended himself well enough without my help. At least as far as any defense would have mattered. He steered the thread in the direction it was intended, despite the efforts of the insult-shouting morons in the chorus, but because he committed the cardinal sin of “Lynn not liking him”, he was silenced.

On that note, I joined this board to discuss two things: Facts, in General Questions, and Issues (including beliefs) in Great Debates. The purpose of GD has eroded, as Ace pointed out, into a roiling cauldron of self-congratulatory concern for hurt feelings and for enforcement-by-insult* of the required mindset for participation on the boards. The members of the board seem to spend more time wearing PC on their sleeves and talking about and avoiding hurt feelings than discussing issues and beliefs. This is stupid, but so be it.

At any rate, the reason I didn’t speak up sooner is that I’ve had better things to concern myself with than what insults a bunch of jerks with the combined intelligence of dirt have to offer to my wife and me. In other words, you idiots are far less important than you seem to think you are.

I’m sure I’ll be banned following this post, based on the elusive “offensive comments” standard, which the rest of you are not required to meet (a rule selectively enforced is not a rule - it’s an excuse), so go party up.

  • I also find it interesting that those who do nothing but spew useless crap and insults, rather than address the content of people’s posts (gobear, hastur/mockingbird, guinastasia, jarbaby, mrvisibe, fenris, etc) are turned loose to be insulting and offensive at will, while others are shut down simply for voicing opinions without an overbearing concern for whether their words can cause unintentional distress to the delicate persons who populate the board. If you fall to pieces at words that might make somebody sad, then you don’t belong in a debate forum. Or administering a board. But thanks, Lynn, for proving me right: Offensiveness and hate speech are A-OK here at the Straight Dope, just as long as they’re directed at “approved” people.

snatches Golden Stepladder from Ace’s banned fingers

Here Joe, you need this more.

:eek:

Jesus, you have your head so far up your ass your tailbone is hitting your bellybutton!

Crawl off the cross, Joe. You’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the stigmata already.

Oh, and Joe, if Jersey’s comment was merely an “innocent opinion”, then why didn’t she just ask Eve straight out to her face if she was transgendered, at said Dopefest, rather than whisper it to you on the side lines?

Hmmm?

We’re done.