If you suspected your SO was in some way significantly breaching the trust in your relationship, would you feel justified in using whatever means are at your disposal to monitor their activities?
I ask this because my wife has a spending addiction. I’m carrying every last cent of the household expenses, until I inevitably get tapped out at the end of a pay period and have to ask her for a few bucks to buy us food. She’s blown through literally half of our income for the past year on clothes, makeup, and useless knicknacks from QVC. While she admits to me that she has a problem, she doesn’t appear to be taking any concrete steps to deal with it. When I ask her about money directly, she tends to get very squirrely, and prevaricates about exactly how much she’s spent. In fact, in those conversations, I tend to get creamed for exacerbating her problems by not “supporting” her enough as she tries to get over the addiction. The truth is, she’s lying to me about it, but I’ve never really had any evidence.
There are other problems in our relationship, and you’re welcome to search for the thread in the Pit I started about it if you’re at all curious.
I recently realized that for every order she places, an order confirmation gets sent to her email account. Since I set her up with it, I know the password. You can probably guess where this is going.
I did something that I’ve never expected to do - I checked her email, and found out that she’s still blowing all of her money every month. Since she doesn’t have as much of pot of cash any more, she’s maxxing out her credit cards. She’s signing up for new credit cards, and maxxing those out. All the while, she’s been blaming me for not giving her the required number of “positive affirmations” she apparently needs to stop it, or pretending that she hasn’t bought any of this stuff.
I’m incredibly pissed off, but I feel like a complete asshole for invading her privacy this way. I know I’m eventually going to have to come out with it, and take my lumps for not trusting her, but I guess I’m not entirely convinced that the ends justified my means.
So what do you do when a SO is lying to you, and you know it?