So if it’s just a game between you, why were you so bent out of shape when you saw the URL? Wouldn’t you just consider it part of the game before jumping to any conclusions?
I wasn’t ‘bent out of shape’ when I saw it. I just though, ‘oh, another porn site.’ It wasn’t until someone mentioned the site a few weeks later and said it was a hook up site that it bothered me. I have no problem with him looking at porn, but hook-up sites is a big no no.
Welll… okay, but when you say something like
… that sounds kinda bent out of shape to me!
Anyway, you oughta know (now, anyway) that those hook-up sites are 99% scams, anyway. The more popular it is, the more likely it’s overrun by spammers and trolls. AFF falls under that category.
Well I was annoyed then, because i thought he’d been looking at at a hook up site, not just porn. When I had just though it was porn I wasn’t bothered.
“Some of these pages are pretty hot, but I believe it was real about as much as I believe anything that starts “Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it would happen to me…”.”
And you’d be wrong. My wife and I have met quite a few other couples from that site. If you knew what to look for, you could even find our profile.
And I thought **I ** was kinky! :eek:
Well its all just buying and selling and blowing 
My husband and I very recently joined that site and were wary. It does have the reputation of being fake.
We met a very nice couple there, so I think it has it’s fair share of real people. 
Angelic:
I’m glad it’s basically straightened out!
Oh? And you had a professional photographer take shots of your get-together and then posted a webpage saying how it was all due to Adult Friend Finder? Complete with all the cliches about how “I’d never done this before” and “my roommate walked in and decided to join us” and platitudes about how it was all because of AFF?
If that’s the case then I’m clearly wrong about the testimonial porn pages being fake. I never said it wasn’t possible to hook up through the site, just that there are lots of things one could get “adult friend finder” in their history while doing that has nothing to do with seeking a hook up.
Enjoy,
Steven
I dunno. It sounds like a game that isn’t really a game. Sounds like there’s some intent behind it, and your getting angry with him before even finding out what the site was about or whether he had accessed it on purpose bears that out.
And even if it’s just a game to you (which I doubt), why should he have to delete his files all the time so as to “not get caught out?” It’s a waste of his time, and deprives him of the chance to use his history if he needs to find something.
It also troubles me that you’ve set rules for his internet usage. You’ve given him permission to look at porn but not at hook-up sites? He’s your boyfriend, not your kid.
And so what if he was looking at hook-up sites? That doesn’t mean he wants to cheat on you. Maybe he was just curious. Maybe he finds it tittillating. If you’re worried about him cheating on you, then deal with the problem. Web surfing should not be taken at face value as evidence of anything.
You’re snooping. Plain and simple. Calling it a game doesn’t change that it’s a game that involves you snooping and him hiding.
And in a related anecdote:
I usually leave the my windows open when I step away from the computer. Sometimes the windows are open to some pretty odd things–usually stuff that relates to some discussion on this board. My husband is used to this, so doesn’t think anything of it when he sits down at the computer to find that I’m looking at sites like Jack Chick or the Real Doll.
But back in the heyday of Jack Dean Tyler,he was finding, over the course of several weeks, a lot of sites dealing with the horrors of circumcision and methods of foreskin reconstruction. And over and over, he was finding the best site of them all: The Tug Ahoy!
So he asked me “Are you trying to tell me something?”
I knew what the site was about. That was the problem!
Yes, I shouldn’t have gotten angry until I had found out exactly what was going on. But in my defence, when I spoke to him about it I wasn’t angry. I had calmed down and was being much more reasonable.
He’d delete his internet history whether I looked or not. As shown by the first time I used his computer. (Plus, he goes to lan parties. And after once forgeting to delete porn from his desktop, he has never left any evidence of porn since. )
I have never set rules for his internet usage. I have never told him , “You’re allowed to look at porn.” I just let him know I don’t have a problem with it. There’s a difference. As for hook-up sites, well, I don’t want my boyfriend cheating on me. But once again, I’ve never told him he’s not allowed to visit them. I’ve just let him know that if he ever cheated on me, I’d dump him.
This is why I asked him why he visited the site. I didn’t accuse him of trying to hook up with other people. I just asked him why he was on the site.
I disagree. If I was snooping he’d have a problem with it. And if he did he’d tell me, and I would stop.
And in a related anecdote:
I usually leave the my windows open when I step away from the computer. Sometimes the windows are open to some pretty odd things–usually stuff that relates to some discussion on this board. My husband is used to this, so doesn’t think anything of it when he sits down at the computer to find that I’m looking at sites like Jack Chick or the Real Doll.
But back in the heyday of Jack Dean Tyler,he was finding, over the course of several weeks, a lot of sites dealing with the horrors of circumcision and methods of foreskin reconstruction. And over and over, he was finding the best site of them all: The Tug Ahoy!
So he asked me “Are you trying to tell me something?”
[/QUOTE]
LMAO
Well, maybe he won’t, maybe he will just put up with it and let it fester in his mind that you are snooping on him and you don’t trust him. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy would do this (I am one) and it may just eventually wear him down until he has enough. I know this isn’t the most adult way to deal with the situation but I’m just telling you how he might be feeling.
We’ve been dateing for a year, and I’ve known him for 3 years. I know him well enough to know that if I was doing something that bugged him, he’d let me know.
FWIW, I use Hotmail for my email and when I use the web interface, the banner ads on the side of the page are more often than not for Adult Friend Finder. (And Jewish Friend Finder, Christian Friend Finder, Spring Fling Friend Finder etc etc.) So it’s entirely possible that the site was a banner ad he inadvertently clicked on.
Sigh! It’d be so nice to have a warm bodied SO’s insinuating jealousy weighing on my consciience. I need a foil for my porn surfing activities, I am unchecked. Anybody else like projectvoyeur?
Since I am a member of Adult FriendFinder I had to add my 2 cents …I joined the site back in 2000 after getting a divorce to meet adult people … used to chat on AOL and it was all teenagers … anyway … to make a long story short … I met my current husband there and we have been together for 3 yrs now and married for 1 . .we are still members of the site and attend parties …which are only meet and greets like you here on the SDMB have … what you do after you leave the gathering is your business … the peeps I have met on the site are the best of friends now and they are like family…
so before someone passes judgement on something they know nothing about , maybe you should check it out . . anyway. this miight not get posted … but I hope it does …
thanks for letting me post my thoughts…
look for me at AFF in the Texas chat room … :eek:
Boy am I glad my GF claims to have more porn on her computer than I do (she doesn’t, I have 20X the HD space she does! ). I don’t have to deal with a SO who even cares what I look at.
And I am one of those guys who wouldn’t normally say what’s bothering them until things come to a head. So you might want to triple check to make sure he’s ok with your snooping. Hell, LAN parties in my days used to be about trading good porn between games!
Somebody’s got a dodgy IE History, heh heh heh…
You have a husband, and you have a boyfriend, and you are worried about your boyfriend cheating on you?
Memo to self - Preview is your friend.
That should have been in a quote box. I have no husband. And only one boyfriend.