Can some rational people give me some feedback??
Okay, so, a couple weeks ago, while I was fixing the internet on my boyfriend’s computer, I noticed that, in his “recently opened items” list, there were a bunch of personal-ad webpages from this one site, having been opened within the last day or so from when I was there. Now, we happened to meet on that site, and a lot of it is simply women trolling for sex, so I got a bit nervous, even though our relationship is going relatively smoothly. Later that day, I asked my bf if he ever goes back to that specific site. “Never,” he said, “not in months. It’s disgusting.” I also noticed, at the time, that this site didn’t show up in his internet history- therefore, it looked like he went there and opened them up, and deleted it from his browser. He’s not too good with computers, though, so he wouldn’t even think to check his recently-opened items folder- he probably doesn’t even know it exists.
Anyway, I came up with two explanations for why he was lying: a) he’s cheating on me, or planning to, or b) he’s browsing around for some pornographic pleasure but embarrassed about it (as he’s very outspokenly anti-porn, and I’ve never been able to figure out why- he just insists it does nothing for him and all the women are ugly). Since there was absolutely no other evidence for choice “a”, even after I kept my eyes open for the next couple of weeks and paid extra-close attention to everything, I decided to choose explanation b, and not to confront him about it.
So, the other day, we were having a talk about our relationship, and discussing a lot of things, so I decided to bite the bullet and get this out in the open, partially because I was feeling guilty and spy-like for having kept it a secret. I said something like, “honey, the other day when I was fixing your computer, I saw internet history about you going to X site, but when I asked you, you said you hadn’t, and it made me a little nervous, I don’t understand the discrepancy”.
Him: “I have not been on that site in months.”
Me: “Well, there’s a file on your computer that keeps track of everything you open, which you probably don’t know about, but not only does it tell me you went there, it tells me you saved pages from it to specific folder, and then deleted them afterwards.”
Him: “It must be a mistake. I’ve had that computer for four years and I dated from that site a lot a couple years ago. It must be those old records you saw, because I don’t know how to delete those computer records, you know that. There’s four years of junk.”
Me: “It’s pretty clear that they’re recent…”
Him: “I haven’t been on that site in MONTHS. Since we started dating. Since about a year ago.”
Me: “Your computer says differently.”
Him: “I haven’t been on it in months. It must be a glitch in the computer. I am not seing anyone but you, I don’t want to see anyone but you, blah blah blah.”
So we were at an impasse. I said, fine, okay, maybe I did misread it. And we moved on.
Fast forward to yesterday, a day after our discussion, and we’re rehashing a few of the points on the phone. He brings up the website, and I say, “I thought we’d gone through that already…”
THEN he proceeds to tell me, “Actually, I have undeniable proof that YOU went on that site, on my computer.”
Huh? I didn’t. “Huh? No, I didn’t.”
Him: “Yes you did, don’t lie.”
Me: “No, I didn’t!”
Him: “Yes you did, don’t lie. YOU went on that site, and I have PROOF you did, and THAT’S why it was in the internet history, and you have such a bad memory that, when you noticed it in the internet history, you forgot you had gone on it, and automatically blamed me!”
At this point, I’m completely floored. No protestation of mine that I didn’t go on this site will be entertained. He’s convinced, or convinced that he’s convinced.
I finally give up denying it, b/c he keeps insisting he has proof, and say, “Okay, it’s possible I forgot, next time I come over, I’d like to see the proof.” He says, “That’s not the point, I’m telling you it’s there, and I never lie.” I say, “Okay, but I still want to see this proof.”
Him: “No, that’s not the point, you don’t need to see the proof, I’m telling you it’s there.”
Me: “Okay, but I want to see it anyway.”
Him: “It’s there, you don’t need to see it.”
This back-and-forth goes on for about 10 minutes straight.
So now… I’m beyond confused.
This isn’t the previous, “I’m not lying, trust me, you made a mistake,” which is a normal thing to say.
This is, “Not only am I not lying, but YOU’RE lying, you’ve only forgotten that you’re
lying!”
This sounds absurd! Loony! Absolutely nuts! Who the hell could possibly do this?
Has anyone EVER heard anything like this?
I don’t buy any of it, not for one second, and especially because, if this was actually true, he would have brought it up when we first talked about it (“I went on this site? I thought YOU went on the site!”). Instead, he spent a whole day concocting this bizarre theory and then presenting it to me as undeniable
gospel. The whole of the above? It sort of scares me shitless, because it seems like only someone mentally-disturbed would actually come up with a story like this, the “you actually did exactly what you’re accusing me of, only you’ve forgotten about it”.
Does this mean he’s psycho? That he’s cheating on me? That he actually did lie and now he’ll come up with ANYTHING so as to get out of it? Am I right that this explanation is more disturbing than the possibility of him cheating on me?
How should I react?? Does this warrant an immediate dumping?