He has recently discovered chat rooms and it seems like he’s in them all the time and he’s very secretive about it. If I walk by the computer he clicks on a different window so I can’t see who he’s chatting with. I know he’s been going in the flirt rooms and love rooms and it’s kind of starting to bother me. Should I be worried that he’s chatting for 2 hours at a time with someone named sexyangel in a love chat room? Is this just harmless flirting with a stranger on the internet or should I be worried? It wouldn’t bother me so much if he would’nt be so secretive about it but it’s almost as if he feels like he’s doing something he shouldn’t be and he doesn’t want me finding out about it. What do you guys think? Am I just being paranoid or should I tell him I don’t like what he’s doing?
walk into the room naked and if he dosent notice, worry 
Talk to him. don’t argue, but let him know that it bothers you.
{hijack] say hello to the Kidelles for me!
Ugh, that sucks Rachelle. A little harmless flirting and exploring on the Net is well, harmless, but two hour conversations with someone and being secretive about it is bordering on icky. A lot of people get sucked in when they first get on, so it could just be a phase that he’ll be bored with in a week or 2.
I don’t claim to be any kind of expert on men, but the ones I do know HATE confrontation. If you confront him his reaction will probably be to deny, get defensive, and get back into chat the first chance he gets, looking for sexy adventures and female sympathy free of complications.
I can’t tell you what I’d do, what I’d do would most likely be WRONG (I’d confront, there would be a scene), but I can tell you what my good friend Molly, Manager of Men would do:
Betray ZERO insecurity.
DON’T get bitchy about it and try to bring it up in backhanded ways in other fights or issues, ie “When you and sxyangel are done, could you take out the trash?”
Be super nice to him - initiate sex, be flirtatious - be “good happy nice fun girlfriend”
DON’T hover over him when he’s at the computer - go do your own thing.
Did I mention initiating sex? If he would rather be on the computer than have actual sex, then you DEFINITELY have a problem.
In other words, make him feel GUILTY about it. 
Try this approach for a few days. If his net addiction is innocent and short-lived, this should work. If his obsession is icky, you’ll figure it out, and then you can confront.
Rachelle, I’m no expert on anything, but if it were me, it’s the secretive stuff I’d be concerned with. Since he’s hiding it, he appears to think that he’s doing something he shouldn’t be, if that makes any sense at all. If you don’t like it, I’d talk to him.
My best friend did that too, but she didn’t cover the screen when I walked near it, about a year ago. It was a married guy she was chatting with ( she would say, ‘its okay he is married & has a son’) but it seemed to make her happy so I would make sure the computer could use the chat room. Got her a computer that could. Also set up several chat rooms so they could chat privately as it did make her happy.
You won’t believe this, but she married the guy about two weeks ago. nuts.
He just started on the chat rooms last Thursday and was online almost all day Friday and off and on Saturday and Sunday. I’ve been home sick since Thursday and haven’t felt like doing anything… I think we’ve only had sex twice in the last 4 days which is unusual for us but… I’ve been sick. I’m hoping it’s just a phase but you never know. I think it bothers me so much because I have no desire to get online and flirt with strangers. It just has no appeal to me. Why should I chat with a faceless stranger when I have someone sitting two feet away from me that I can talk to and flirt with. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been sick and hibernating in the bedroom for the last 4 days and now that I’m better things will get back to normal. If it continues though… he’s gonna hear about it.
If it makes you feel any better, if he is in a love chat room talking to someone named “sexyangel” then chances are he is talking to a guy anyway.
" think we’ve only had sex twice in the last 4 days which is unusual for us"
So you rate his love for you by how frequent the sex is?
I should probably shut my mouth, but I hope everyone notices this is coming from someone who is the Official SDMB Stripper Pimp. ( I mean this in a funny, ironic sort of way)
I will go back to hiding in the shadows now.
-N
You lost me. Where else are you in this thread? I fail to see any Irony.
Kvallulf sez:
From the American Century Dictionary:
Irony: (noun) 2. Event or circumstance that is opposite from what is expected.
What I see as ironic is that Rachelle is concerned about her SO’s flirty and romantic behavior on the net when she herself is the SDMB Offical Stripper Pimp, a rather sexual and dubious distinction in my mind. I know it’s not an astounding thing, and I am not pointing this out to cause trouble or anything, I just thought it was funny.
Kvallulf also sez:
You are right, I am no where mentioned nor have I previously posted in this particular thread. What the hell does that have to do with me making a post containing what I found to be a humerous, though others may not agree, remark?
-N
A chat room junkie I used to be, better am I now. What you are talking about I know. Passed it did for me, but different may be others. Talk about it to him, and respond should he. If not, worried should you be.
All my wisdom that is, use it well.
Rachelle, it’s a problem if you have a problem with it. All couples have their boundaries and if this makes you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to ask him to stop. Frankly, this is not something I would want MisterTot to do, but I am a bit on the “keep away from my man, bitch, even in cyberspace or I’m going to bitch slap you from here to Wisconsin” Other people might not have these issues.
If it’s the secrecy that bothers you, maybe he’s one of those people who can not stand people reading over their shoulders? I, for one, can not stand this, even more than I hate skanks going after my man. This used to bother MisterTot as he thought I was keeping secrets, but since I’ve been more than honest with him, and everything is open on the computer, so that if he wanted too he could read my chat transcripts, ect, it’s cool. Just the fact that I’m so open about it takes away his urge to spy.
Now, he’s more like “Oh, your talking to your Dutch friend today? He’s the one who likes Rush? Whatta dork.”
I had a point here, but I think I lost it. Sorry. Glad to hear you’re feeling better, though.
If he weren’t so secretive about it it wouldn’t bother me but he clicks out of his private chat window when I walk by. If he was just chatting with someone about t.v. or movies or something he wouldn’t need to hide it from me. He positions himself in front of the computer so I can’t see the screen from the couch and I know he’s not comfortable sitting that way but he also knows I can’t see the screen so that’s why he sits that way. When I’m online chatting with someone he can see everything… I don’t try to hide it. Most of the people I chat with are people that he’s met and they are friends of ours so it’s not a big deal. He’s chatting with someone he’s never seen or met and obviously they’re talking about stuff he doesn’t want me to see or else he wouldn’t feel the need to hide it. So how long should I wait before I say something to him? It’s only been about 4-5 days… I think that’s long enough!
Rachelle,
Definately talk to him about it. A similar thing happened to a friend of mine who went overboard with the Internet. As far as I know, he didn’t get into any of the “Love” discussion channels, but he did lots and LOTS of chat and IM’s with people… to the point it was drastically affecting his marriage. He ended up getting a divorce and losing his kids.
Just my 2 cents worth.
“4-5 days”
You should talk to a guy ASAP. So he knows how you are feeling about what he is doing.
Maybe you could set up another computer & logon the chat room & chat with him?