She could have gotten her own cigarettes, but she was too drunk to start her own car. If she had her shit together, she probably wouldn’t be choosing to partner with a douchebag asshole. If he wasn’t a douchebag asshole, he probably wouldn’t be choosing to partner with an emotionally erratic crazybitch. Each has problems entirely of their own making.
There is an honest debate tactic. If you defend that, you must be guilty of that.
You’re defending him so you must be a wife abuser/beater.
:rolleyes:
It doesn’t matter that she can’t drive to get her own cigarettes. If you have someone in your vehicle, and they want to get out, you should let them out. If they want to get out at a corner store, the right thing to do is to let them out at a corner store. You don’t HAVE to let them out at a corner store, but you should CERTAINLY give them the option to leave your vehicle if they are freaking out and asking to be let out, for cigarettes or whatever else.
I do NOT understand this thing I have noticed on the SDMB that one must argue only ONE side of an argument and NEVER concede obvious points on the other side. The woman was a childish basket case. The dud was a smug asshole, but for me, who cares, I kind of like smug assholes, they amuse me. But when it came to the cigarette part, he was in the clear wrong. Why do so many gymnastics, bringing up her DWIs and such to avoid conceding that tiny point. Come on.
ETA: Ibanez, that’s weak tea. If it was just a case of “no stores that sell smokes” then he would have said, “calm the fuck down, we’ll get your damn smokes when I find a store.” It was a matter of exploiting that bit of control that he had that was indisputable. She may be able to go to the lake later, without him, if she REALLY wanted to. But she couldn’t get out of that car in that moment to get her smokes, without him letting her.
[QUOTE=Nzinga, seated]
If you have someone in your vehicle, and they want to get out, you should let them out
[/QUOTE]
shoulda, woulda, coulda…
This is not her first encounter with her husband. I think it’s likely a similar dynamic has come into play before, based on her rants. I wonder how many times a person needs to find themselves in the same bad situation before they begin to learn to avoid putting themselves there. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
Of course it does.
Where I’ve lived, in several states, there were only a VERY few places where one couldn’t find a corner store within five or ten minutes worth of driving. I used to drive through Oklahoma and Arkansas half a dozen times a year, and even in flyover country, there’s still little gas stations where you can get gas, soda, snacks, lottery tickets, and the essential cigs. I used to live way out in the boonies…and there was a convenience store and a within a couple of miles of me. All those farmers wanted a place to get some smokes and listen to some music, too.
He’s an abusive husband because he has her trapped in the car, and he won’t let her out.
People are so hypocritical when judging others. It is almost as if they think that if they keep SAYING shit like, “Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me.. you can’t get fooled again.” that we will all believe that they don’t have the same stupid fights with their boyfriends like the rest of us, over and over.
[QUOTE=Nzinga,seated]
People are so hypocritical when judging others. It is almost as if they think that if they keep SAYING shit like, “Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me.. you can’t get fooled again.” that we will all believe that they don’t have the same stupid fights with their boyfriends like the rest of us, over and over.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah because everyone knows that anyone who says they don’t have stupid fights with their significant others and claims that they at least attempt to communicate effectively with a loved one is a BIG FAT LIAR. Everyone secretly acts like that, then tries to pretend like they don’t. Duh.
My partner would treat me like that man in the video once. Once. After that, I wouldn’t give him the opportunity to do it again. If I did allow it again, then I would need to shut my own fucking mouth and not bitch about the horrible predicament that I knowingly placed myself in.
I don’t think you act like anyone in that video. That woman has issues that I don’t think most women share. But I DO think that people that claim they only put up with asshole behavior like the man is displaying ONCE is lying. Takes a few episodes to realize what kind of situation we are dealing with. People don’t go around just giving people one…ONE! chance. We just say stuff like that because it sounds tough.
A relationship tends to deteriorate in stages. It’s not like everything goes perfectly and then your partner acts like a smug asshole ONE TIME and you are all like, “I’m calling my lawyer”.
I had issues like that. Then I stopped being a drunk bitch and presto! I stopped repeatedly finding myself in situations where others either had control over me, or treated me poorly.
My point is I think that people should quit their bitching about how other people “should” behave towards them and spend time with people who actually consistently treat them in a manner that they find acceptable and even enjoyable. I mean what the fuck, it’s not rocket science. People tell you who they are fairly quickly by their actions. So who is “right” or “wrong” in this couple’s scenario? That’s subjective. But one thing I know is, if you don’t like your situation then change it. Or shut the fuck up about it.
You don’t go into the ice cream shop and order strawberry, then act all pissed off that it doesn’t taste like butter pecan.
Uh, Girlundone, I think we got off track somewhere. If your point is that people should find mates who treat them “in a manner that they find acceptable and even enjoyable” then I think we actually agree after all. I guess I didn’t realize that was your point until you just said it was. My mistake.
Well I am old enough and have been in more than one relationship that mirrors the video, so yeah, actually I do “go around doing that”.
My point has pretty much been the same since I first weighed in on this thread, except when I meandered off into freakyville in my posts with schism.
Adults totally throw temper tantrums, they just look different then kids.
So what would you call the person running off on a bender if not a tantrum?
‘‘Fool me 8 or more times…’’
/Amy Wong
I agree with you to a point, but in order for things to have gotten to that crazypants display of an outright meltdown, while he films it and laughs at her, there had to have been some wildly waving red flags planted directly in both foreheads. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I would never, ever, EVER allow it to get anywhere close to that point. I would hope that before my feelings for my partner reached a level of contempt so deep that I would deliberately provoke and then laugh at and then FILM the tantrum for the world to see, I’d bail. For his sake and mine.
I am not excusing her behavior. She’s an irresponsible and self-entitled shriekhag with a probable chemical dependency issue. Just saying, his, while calm and cool and collected (as if he’s speaking to a 2-year-old) taunting is just as disturbing to watch.
If she didn’t want to be treated like a 2-year-old, she shouldn’t have acted like one. Just saying.
I’m pretty sure this is the best takeaway, here.
Wouldn’t a more mature, and less douchey approach, have been to just tell her, “you’re behaving like a child and I am not going to discuss anything with you until you can get yourself under control” and then commence to ignoring, while stopping so she could get those almighty important cigarettes, then dumping her off at home … And driving to the nearest divorce attorney? There is no question in my mind that he was deliberately provoking her so he could film it. That’s reprehensible.
I’m not saying that anybody defending her is guilty of the same thing. But people who are like “Yeah what she did looks bad, but nobody’s perfect, …” or similar statements, seem to be people who have done similar things in the past (because excusing such aberrant behavior with “nobody’s perfect” seems off). Maybe I’m wrong, that’s why I asked if others felt the same way.
I’m not defending him. In post 127 I said he was an asshole because (1) he didn’t take her to a fun afternoon on the lake for the lame reason that he “had” to get his tires rotated and (2) he posted this video on the web for the world to see.
Thanks for playing, please try again.
I agree a bazillion percent. I’m not so sure this is a set up, because I have known some girls like that, it makes me see red!!! Because THAT is the kind of girl that have men terrified of the rest of us. And who could blame them? Who wants to end up in a relationship like that with some psycho bitch from hell?
I agree wholeheartedly with what Sateyrn says, this is probably the thousandth time she’s pulled that crap, and that was probably the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Yeah, because he didn’t stop the car to get cigarettes within the three minutes of the video (that you state you haven’t even seen), he is literally worse than Hilter :rolleyes:
I don’t know why so many people in this thread are hanging their hats on this not-stopping-for-cigarettes nonsense. We don’t know where they are, we don’t know if there is a store with cigarettes in the vicinity at the instant she makes her request, we don’t know if they just arrived home at the end of the video, etc. There is so much we don’t know regarding the cigarette situation, that, to use this to paint him in a bad light is stupid.
There already clearly-established facts that make him out to be a jerk (major one being posting this on the web for all the world to laugh at his wife), I don’t know why you guys are hung up on the cigarette thing, when we don’t know enough to qualify this as a definitive case of bad behavior.