Adults who still whine about how mean their mommy is

[Malacandra]

@Telperien

Ah, but they didn’t give birth, did they?

No, but they impregnated, which ought to be roughly as definitive. Sauce for the goose and all that.

[Sapo]

@Thudlow Boink

But… then who buys all those “WORLD’S BEST DAD” and “#1 MOM” coffee mugs?

Well, if there were perfect parents, they would all be tied for first on the #1 Mom and World’s Best Dad competitions. It is the imperfections that make the ranking possible. What I don’t get is why did they make more than one of those.

[Cheesesteak]

@Dangerosa

In this case, she’s someone that he is still choosing to have in his life (I’ve met a few folks raised by mom where she was so physically or emotionally abusive that they skipped out the moment they could and don’t use the word either - that also seems fair) who is still making him sandwiches into his twenties.

She also has interest in his life, and tries to make it better. He got a job that required clothing he neither had nor had the money to buy. Mom, entirely on her own accord, goes out and buys him 11 suits and arranges to have them tailored, so that he can be properly dressed.

His response? To complain that he has to “make some damned room” for the suits and to complain that mom was taking advantage of the seamstress.

My response? Go make some damned room in your own apartment, and buy yourself some fucking suits with the money you don’t have. What a miserable ingrate.

[Telperien]

Question: is it OK to post about still living with your mom if you don’t insult her?

[Sapo]

@Telperien

Question: is it OK to post about still living with your mom if you don’t insult her?

Yes, but you need to add “hrmpf” every time you say “my loving mother with whom I live”

[Jodi]

@Telperien

Question: is it OK to post about still living with your mom if you don’t insult her?

It appears the general consensus is that:

1. You may insult your own mother (living with her) but only to the extent that is consistent with recognizing that you are still agreeing to share a house with her and she is still contributing to your life (or trying to). Thus, you cannot display open contempt of her, or use terms displaying consistent contempt for her, because this makes you look like a big ol’ hypocrite. You may escape the accusation of hypocrisy and still post “holy shit, my mother is Satan’s minion” if and only if you are taking substantial steps to get the hell out of there ASAP.

2. You may insult your own mother (living somewhere else) freely, though people will assume that either she was a complete bitch or you are.

3. You may not insult other people’s mothers. As always.

[Dangerosa]

@Telperien

Question: is it OK to post about still living with your mom if you don’t insult her?

That depends on how much Star Trek you’ve watched in your lifetime, if you are heterosexual, and if there are any extenuating circumstancing regarding your health or hers.

But not if you live with your Mom because you can’t afford to move out once you are done with college or if you live with your Mom because its easier on both of you when she does your laundry not to have to drive it over to her place and back.

[Telperien]

Are the rules different for women? Or if you pay a proportion of the bills and otherwise contribute, such as doing housework and making sure the parental units don’t forget to take their medication?

[Freudian_Slit]

@monstro

It’s kind of like a poster referring to his wife as The Bitch when talking about trivial things she did at the family picnic. That nickname may be quite apt, but based on the information provided it doesn’t seem that way. I don’t know about others, but I don’t want to refer to people’s mothers in a disrespectful way unless I feel that she’s deserving. Where I grew up, talking bad about someone’s mother was enough to earn a beat-down. Talk about anyone else and it’s okay, but don’t talk about Mama. I guess I’m old school.

I agree. If a poster was going on about his wife because, “She made a bunch of sandwiches for the picnic and then accidentally sat on them…She tries, but common sense really isn’t her strong point” he’d come off like the most obnoxious ingrate ever.

And I agree with monstro’s opinion that talking shit about your mom is pretty low.

[Dangerosa]

I think the rules for adults in a household are the same regardless of gender or relationship…i.e. they hold for roommates, and spouses, and parents and children.

Contribute to the household as an adult
Respect the other members of the household
Follow the rules of the household

Rules of the household are determined in an equal relationship (most roommate situations, many marriages and any marriage I’d choose to be in) by consensus, but not all relationships are equal. If I’m letting another adult live in MY house (one on which I pay the mortgage and have legal title), I get to establish the rules, and I get to decide that not all those rules apply to me. i.e. I can decide that I can have a cat, but that YOU cannot.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Dangerosa

<snip>If I’m letting another adult live in MY house (one on which I pay the mortgage and have legal title), I get to establish the rules, and I get to decide that not all those rules apply to me. i.e. I can decide that I can have a cat, but that YOU cannot.

Absolutely. And this is one of the big reasons why adult children don’t still live with their parents - you’re an adult, for heaven’s sake. Get out on your own, get your own place, and make your OWN rules*. It’s what you’re supposed to do.

*And pay your own bills, and make your own food, and buy your own groceries, and do your own laundry, and clean your own living space…

[Jodi]

@Dangerosa

I think the rules for adults in a household are the same regardless of gender or relationship…i.e. they hold for roommates, and spouses, and parents and children.

Contribute to the household as an adult
Respect the other members of the household
Follow the rules of the household

There is also the unwritten rule that while you may fight like cats and dogs with the doors closed, you don’t dis your own family in public.

[Trunk]

@Least Original User Name Ever

I don’t disagree with you at all. Like I’ve also said on many occasions, I’m in the beginning stages of getting out. I just need some cash on a consistent basis. I would love to get out and get life going, but it’s been abnormally difficult do to so given the circumstances.

What the hell does this all mean?

You need “cash on a consistent basis”? You mean a “job”.

And what do you mean “abnormally difficult to do (ed.) so given the circumstances”? Did the doctor forget to cut the umbilical cord? That would make it abnormally difficult.

Still, the OP refers to “adults” and their mom complaints. You’re far from the only person around here who seems to do to. Start a group.

[Lord_Ashtar]

@Malacandra

Nonsense. I can name two Dopers off the top of my head who have provided the sperm for at least one child apiece, at least one of whom was considered by both participants in the procreative act to be female at the time of said act, so you can’t just go around defining male and female in terms of reproductive roles. Fercryinoutloud, do try to keep up. :rolleyes:

Yes, you can.

[Freudian_Slit]

@Malacandra

Nonsense. I can name two Dopers off the top of my head who have provided the sperm for at least one child apiece, at least one of whom was considered by both participants in the procreative act to be female at the time of said act, so you can’t just go around defining male and female in terms of reproductive roles. Fercryinoutloud, do try to keep up. :rolleyes:

TWO dopers? I just know of one. Damned woman sperm…I can’t keep up with it all!

[Wee_Bairn]

I agree with the OP- you don’t like something anyone in the world has done to you, or just don’t like them, period, and you’re over 18, fuck em, don’t deal with them.

[Siam_Sam]

@Malacandra

Nonsense. I can name two Dopers off the top of my head who have provided the sperm for at least one child apiece, at least one of whom was considered by both participants in the procreative act to be female at the time of said act, so you can’t just go around defining male and female in terms of reproductive roles. Fercryinoutloud, do try to keep up. :rolleyes:

I move that from this point forward on the board, fathers be referred to as “sperm givers.”

[Cervaise]

@Rubystreak

Will fessie’s kids be posting threads about their female birth giver letting them OD on candy and go into insulin shock on November 1, lying to them about Santa, and not teaching them how to behave in bookstores?

Probably, but she can reduce the risk if she also gives them large plastic bags to play with.

[levdrakon]

@lavenderviolet

Once you’re an adult, it’s no longer your mommy’s fault if you’re still a fuck-up.

Oh bullshit. If your kid leaves home at 16, works his way through college, grad school, medical school and becomes a world-reknowned brain surgeon you can bet you’re sweet patootie you’re going to brag to your friends and take credit for it all every chance you get to bore your friends with the same stories over and over and over and over. You’re certainly not going to say “gosh, I have no idea why he’s so successful, it’s certainly nothing I did as a parent.”

So if you find yourself with a twenty or thirty-something still living at home don’t wash your hands of it with a “once he was 18, it wasn’t my fault.” Yeah, it is your fault and apparently you suck as a parent.

All us kids found our own ways of getting the fuck out of dodge by 16. Mommy would have loved it if we all stayed home forever and kept her company and took care of her. I guess that’s why we all ran so fast.

I have no idea why the guy the OP is about is still living with mom, but if he is, she’s as much to blame as he is, I’d bet.

[DiosaBellissima]

levdrakon, while I have no particular opinion about the specific instance this thread is about, your last post sticks out to me.

Sure, in the grand scheme of things Mom and Dad are to blame in some abstract way that 30 year old Junior is living in the basement sucking down cheese-doodles that Mom bought and posting to a message board on the internet connection Dad pays for. Obviously something went wrong along the way during Junior’s upbringing that lead to him not being able to act as a functional adult in our society.

But it comes to a point in our lives when we simply cannot blame everything on how screwed up our parents made us. Once you’re a grown up, you have to accept that the past is the past and nothing will change that, but it is your job to make sure you have a successful future.

I’m 21 and I hear my friends all the time whining about how it was “OMG so my mom’s fault for being so selfish and leaving my dad when I was a kid that I got a C in English 243 last quarter!” No, it was your fault for not studying. No, it isn’t because you didn’t learn coping mechanisms because of Mom that you got a C; I mean, obviously if you can consciously pin point something that has caused grief in your life, you also can actively work to better yourself even with that hindrance.