[QUOTE=Cervaise]
Probably, but she can reduce the risk if she also gives them large plastic bags to play with.
[/QUOTE]
When I was a kid, my mom tried to get me to play with a K-Mart bag, and I was so upset I nearly cried. All of my friends had Polo bags, and one was even allowed to huff glue inside of a really nice heavyweight Guess bag. I was so embarrassed of my K-Mart bag that I never did play with it.
[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]
[
I’m 21 and I hear my friends all the time whining about how it was “OMG so my mom’s fault for being so selfish and leaving my dad when I was a kid that I got a C in English 243 last quarter!” No, it was your fault for not studying. No, it isn’t because you didn’t learn coping mechanisms because of Mom that you got a C; I mean, obviously if you can consciously pin point something that has caused grief in your life, you also can actively work to better yourself even with that hindrance.
[/QUOTE]
I got to do “family week at rehab” with my sister. You haven’t seen 40 adults blaming their parents (many of whom are shelling out $50,000 for five weeks at rehab) for screwing up their life until you’ve been to family week.
Yes, there was some ‘you let my stepfather sexually abuse me’ - hey, they can carry guilt for that one - but in so many of these cases it was normal kid bullshit - “I’m hurt because you didn’t get me a pony and that’s why I’m a huge cokehead.”
[QUOTE=xcheopis]
Ok. It sounds as if your mother’s first mistake was that she fed you.
[/QUOTE]
Nah, her first mistake was in not swallowing when given the option. 
[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]
But it comes to a point in our lives when we simply cannot blame everything on how screwed up our parents made us. Once you’re a grown up, you have to accept that the past is the past and nothing will change that, but it is your job to make sure you have a successful future.
[/QUOTE]
You’re right of course.
To me, it’s one thing to tell an 18-year-old, “suck it up, you’re an adult now,” and another for a parent to say “you’re 18 now, not my fault you’re a fuck up.”
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
Oh bullshit. If your kid leaves home at 16, works his way through college, grad school, medical school and becomes a world-reknowned brain surgeon you can bet you’re sweet patootie you’re going to brag to your friends and take credit for it all every chance you get to bore your friends with the same stories over and over and over and over. You’re certainly not going to say “gosh, I have no idea why he’s so successful, it’s certainly nothing I did as a parent.”
So if you find yourself with a twenty or thirty-something still living at home don’t wash your hands of it with a “once he was 18, it wasn’t my fault.” Yeah, it is your fault and apparently you suck as a parent.
All us kids found our own ways of getting the fuck out of dodge by 16. Mommy would have loved it if we all stayed home forever and kept her company and took care of her. I guess that’s why we all ran so fast.
I have no idea why the guy the OP is about is still living with mom, but if he is, she’s as much to blame as he is, I’d bet.
[/QUOTE]
His father, of course, is entirely blameless, poor helpless man that he is.
[QUOTE=Jodi]
There is also the unwritten rule that while you may fight like cats and dogs with the doors closed, you don’t dis your own family in public.
[/QUOTE]
That is actually dangerous, abused kids need to be heard. There are more of them than you think.
[QUOTE=xcheopis]
His father, of course, is entirely blameless, poor helpless man that he is.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t know what dad’s status is. I heard mention that there is a dad, and he apparently walks on water.
But I’m willing to blame both parents, if that’s what you’re concerned about.
I have a cat. He lets me think that I make the rules.
Fortunately, he doesn’t go dissing me to his doggie pals.
[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
If she is so abusive she doesn’t deserve the word than WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING THERE.
[/QUOTE]
Sponging and disrespecting.
Some kids help their parents.
Some kids ignore their parents.
Some kids sponge and disrespect their parents.
Maybe he’s hoping that if he does the “right” thing, she’ll become a “good” mom?
[QUOTE=Muffin]
Sponging and disrespecting.
Some kids help their parents.
Some kids ignore their parents.
Some kids sponge and disrespect their parents.
[/QUOTE]
Sometimes one adult gets to sit on the couch eating bon-bons while the other adult makes all the money and lets the other adult sit on the couch eating bon-bons. We call this “trophy wife/boy-toy.”
Then come divorce time the bon-bon eating spouse gets a lawyer and the judge says, "well we, as a society, have decided if you let this other adult get accustomed to a life of bon-bon eating, you have a responsibility to pay alimony/palimony etc.
So, sometimes adults get into a co-dependent relationship and the one holding the pursestrings doesn’t get to not get complained about.
[QUOTE=lifeslikethat]
That is actually dangerous, abused kids need to be heard. There are more of them than you think.
[/QUOTE]
I think Jodi is referring to adult family members.
[QUOTE=threnodyangelfire]
On my brother’s birth certificate, I’m listed as “Other Issue” :eek:
[/QUOTE]
I wonder, if you had half-siblings, would they listed as “Other Volume?”
I think the OP is a whiny little self-entitled feeling punk who needs to be kicked to the fucking curb.
[QUOTE=Klaatu]
I think the OP is a whiny little self-entitled feeling punk who needs to be kicked to the fucking curb.
[/QUOTE]
Do you mean the OP, or the Pitee?
Count me in with the “shit or get off the pot” crowd.
I hated my mum in my teenage years. She’d made no secret of the fact that I was an accident, and if it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t have married my father and her life wouldn’t have been the single-mother-to-two-kids shithole that it was.
So at 17, with 9 months full time work and a couple of hundred dollars savings under my belt I got the fuck out of there and got my own (share) place in another city.
And you know what? I grew up. And started to appreciate what my mum was going through - sure, some of the things she said to me when I was a teen were pretty nasty, but I was pretty nasty myself. Moving out, having to be responsible for my own fucking self and my own life and bills made me realise that I’d had it pretty sweet at home. Mum and I started getting on better, and I moved back to my home town. I now live about 10 minutes drive away from her and we see each other at least once a week, and keep in contact by email and phone nearly daily. We’re actually friends now.
You say there’s a lot going on that we “don’t understand or know about”. All we see is what you tell us. And what we see is someone in his 20s who hasn’t got the nous to find himself a real job, complaining because his mom is trying to help him by making sandwiches and finding/tailoring suits for him to try and get a job.
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
Sometimes one adult gets to sit on the couch eating bon-bons while the other adult makes all the money and lets the other adult sit on the couch eating bon-bons. We call this “trophy wife/boy-toy.”
Then come divorce time the bon-bon eating spouse gets a lawyer and the judge says, "well we, as a society, have decided if you let this other adult get accustomed to a life of bon-bon eating, you have a responsibility to pay alimony/palimony etc.
So, sometimes adults get into a co-dependent relationship and the one holding the pursestrings doesn’t get to not get complained about.
[/QUOTE]
I’d pit that person as well. Eating bon-bons through a marriage should not entitle you to alimony (and in many states it doesn’t).
Sure, Mom (and probably Dad) is partly to blame for letting the OP not grow up. But Mom isn’t bitching about the situation - if she was, most of the Dopers telling LOUNE he is a disrespectful sponge would be telling Mom “hey, what’s your part in this - stop fixing him his damn sandwiches and give him 30 days to move out - or at least tell him ‘while you live in my house you will treat me with respect - or you can go sleep on someone’s couch’.”
[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
I got to do “family week at rehab” with my sister. You haven’t seen 40 adults blaming their parents (many of whom are shelling out $50,000 for five weeks at rehab) for screwing up their life until you’ve been to family week.
Yes, there was some ‘you let my stepfather sexually abuse me’ - hey, they can carry guilt for that one - but in so many of these cases it was normal kid bullshit - “I’m hurt because you didn’t get me a pony and that’s why I’m a huge cokehead.”
[/QUOTE]
Have you seen the movie “Spanglish” with Adam Sandler, Téa Leoni, and Paz Vega? (A surprisingly not completely sucky movie, by the way.) Téa Leoni’s character is a perfect example of what you’re describing here - she’s a horrible person who does horrible things, and when the shit hits the fan, everything is her mother’s fault. It’s a stupid, powerless way to live your life; if you take no responsibility, you get no power.
Let me clear up the score card here. Least Original User Name Ever, you may never openly insult the person who is supporting you. Either you look like an inconsiderate asshole or a selfish asshole…either way, you know. Get a job, get a life, get off the boards if you need too.
[QUOTE=Bear_Nenno]
Wait a sec. You’re blaming the fact that you still live at home on a concern for the well being of your parents? As if they somehow need you to be a freeloader? Am I reading this right? Hell, now I’m interested in hearing the whole story (or at least enough of it).
Otherwise, you might just end up living at home in your fifties–still bitching about your mother and using the same tired excuse about how you can’t move out because they need you. You dont want to end up like Bosda, do you?
[/QUOTE]
Well, that’s not my case, but I’ve known plenty of elderly individuals who had to live with their children. My great-grandfather lived with my mother’s family towards the end of his life-he switched back and forth between my grandmother’s house and her elder sister’s. I also have a friend at work who had to move back home to help take care of his parents.
Now, in MY case, well, I confess-I’m still living at home and I’m almost thirty. Yeah, maybe it is pathetic. But quite frankly, it’s also none of your damned business.