By a fortunate coincidence I’m going to be in San Francisco for the No-Cal Straight Dope Convention this Saturday. It turns out I will be attending the JavaOne Conference in SF the next week (on the company’s dime) and it happens that I will be there Saturday afternoon, in time for the big bash.
However – it occurs to me that these get-togethers are frequently followed up by rather unabridged reports of goings-on and by embarassing photos. I would like to state, for the record, that any such reports or pictures concerning me will be fabrications. I am always a model of propriety and deportment.
Unfortunately, while at the JavaOne Conference I will be away from my computers both at home and at work. I could take a company laptop, I suppose, but I don’t want to lug it all over the place. At any rate, I will be unable to access the SDMB and defend myself against libelous and defamatory statements invented by other attendees. So I have prepared the following list of dos and don’ts for those wishing to report on the proceedings:
Phrases you may use while describing pluto:
scholarly
well-read
quietly dignified
impressive
wryly humorous
subtly attractive
better looking than his picture
…than I imagined
…than Tom Selleck
…than I thought humanly possible
just plain good looking!
Phrases you must not use while describing pluto:
incessantly whining
attention-grabbing
buttinsky
dweeb, geek, nerd, brainiac
slovenly, unkempt, disheveled
odd, peculiar, strange, curious
bizarre
Thank you in advance for your cooperation. I will be monitoring your compliance. I work for a defense company. I have access codes.
