Hi everyone! Just thought I would jump in here and introduce myself. A friend of mine told me about the SDMB and I have been lurking for awhile. You seem like a fun bunch of people. So, any advice for me? And please be nice, I am a frail little lady. 
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Check out posts by MichaelMasterson and Jayburner/2sexy.
Don’t do that.
basicly, just “don’t be a jerk” or if you must be a jerk, make sure that you aren’t the only one.
<sucking up>oh, and be Reeelll nice to the mods, they’re great aren’t they?</sucking up>
eggo
My Web Page:SMITE WARNING it may offend you.
Who was the friend?
Please dont be like those mentioned above…or sandycane/john-john.
PLEEEEEEESE!!
Well, if you live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area & haven’t noticed this thread before, check it out: http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005415.html
In fact, Ducky, don’t be like anyone. Be yourself. That will be just fine.
Welcome to our parlor…
Now with 1000 posts of pure wisdom!
(or something)
JustDucky:
Wear sunscreen…
The long term benfits of–just kidding. Really, here’s what you can do:
Ask if you can check out the teeming millions home page (might want to just check it out and forget about asking! ) and that way you’ll get a feel for what flies and what does not. If I was not so new myself, I would leave you a link to it. Any regs wanna help the duck out?
Don’t be rude, uncouth, stuck-up, immature or confrontational. This will allow you to garner constructive criticism and be able to put it to good use.
If you think that maybe you shouldn’t post something, don’t. I put my foot in my mouth bigtime at least once, and I hated it. (Sorry, Val, I still feel kinda bad!) Better to think before your post.
But trust me, on the sunscreen…
“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”
Welcome JD (hmmmm…) My advice is to come hang out in chat so you can listen to people talk about all the other posters.
(That’ll get people into the chat room fast.)
Run to the bedroom,
In the suitcase on the left
You’ll find my favorite axe.
Oh, and you have to send a bucket of goat’s blood to Opalcat, our board goddess.
Grow a thick layer of skin and you should be ok. It’s hard to post thoughts and emotions on a MB. Lots of times what you think you are saying comes across to someone else entirely different. If in doubt, ask.
Welcome to the board. Just don’t upset Kellibelli (for Wally).
I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
Welcome to the board, Ducky. I haven’t been posting here too long myself, but the cardinal rule seems to be “Don’t act like a jerk.” Stick with that and you’ll be just fine. Glad you decided to join the Teeming Millions!!
“There are more things you don’t know than there are things that I do know. I despair of the imbalance.” – Dr. Morgenes, The Dragonbone Chair
Except Opal’s a vegetarian and would be really grossed out by a bucket of goat’s blood. I don’t really think she’d appreciate the gesture all that much.
By the way, the teeming millions home page can be found at www.fathom.org/teemingmillions . Did that work?
There’s also a Teeming Millions Web Ring. If you want to get to know some of the Dopers a little better, you can click around their webpages.
Welcome!
~Harborina
“Don’t Do It.”
Welcome, JustDucky!! I like the name. 
As for advice, send me all those funny pieces of green paper in your wallet; you know, the one with the pictures of Presidents on them!This deed will instantly gain you universal admiration on this board. That’s a promise (from Krispy Original). Would he lie to you? 
You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment."-Bill Hicks
“You should tell the lies, live the truth and expose yourself.” - Bill Clinton
I’ll state the obvious:
No questions about words ending in -gry.
No questions about felching.
No questions about Loverock.
Don’t piss off kellibelli.
Don’t take anyone here too seriously.
Welcome to a fellow Texan!
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
*Sealemom
Okay, this is partly because you said not to (i.e., semi-jokingly), but really because I’ve been curious about a couple of things.
What’s “felching”? I don’t travel in the circles that would allow me to know, although I think it has to do with “going in through the out door”.
Also, what’s a “sock puppet”? Is a “troll” an ogre looking for a fight; or is it someone trolling for a response?
Hey, I’ve only been here since January, so I’m a little unclear…
Wow! Thanks for the warm welcome and advice. Nice to meet you all.
[taking notes]
1)Don’t look at threads by MichaelMasterson, jayburner/2sexy. [check]
2)Don’t be a jerk. (I think I am a nice person) [check]
3)Don’t be like sandycane/john-john & those mentioned above. (this one is probably under 'don’t be a jerk catagory) [check]
Side note to kellibelli: my friend is in Alabama and I don’t think she posts here, she is a professional lurker
4)Be myself. (shouldn’t be too hard if I take my medicine and keep the people in my head from bothering me while at the computer) [check]
5)SUNSCREEN (better make a trip to Wally World today) [check]
6)Don’t be rude, uncouth, stuck up, immature or confrontational. (also under ‘jerk’ catagory) [check]
7)Keep foot OUT of mouth.(good advice there!) [check]
8)Hang out in chat. (don’t know where that is but I bet I can find it) [check]
9)Bucket of goats blood to OpalCat. (Damn! note to self catch mailman before package is delivered to mom-in-law) [check]
10)Grow thick layer of skin & don’t upset kellibelli. ( eeeepp!!) [check]
11)Again, don’t be a jerk. [check]
12)Check out homepage. (thanks for the link Kyla) [check]
Bosda Di’Chi of tricor- you aren’t from the IRS are you?
13)Don’t ask questions about words ending -gry, about felching, loverock (tempting)and don’t piss off kellibelli(I better be damn nice to kellibelli) [check] fellow texan
[/taking notes]
Great advice, thanks. Hope to get to know you all better.
Ducky
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Welcome to our world Ducky!
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
Johnny L.A., you should search first but since you didn’t, Im going to show you why you should…
Felching is when a man has anal sex with a woman or another guy, comes in their butt, sticks a straw in the butt & sucks out the cum & the blood & whatever else is in there.
Some don’t even use a straw.
Now, don’t you wish you searched first?
First of all- handy…EWWWW!!
14)Search first!!
Thanks PurpleCrackwhore!
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Ducky,
You’re funny (tee-hee)
Mmm, sure…listen…
Do you think I could interest you in a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers?