Last summer, I was going through a pretty rough set of depressing circumstances…I’ll spare you the details. I’ve been fine for about 2-3 months now, but I was recently thinking about something. During my down period, I went to a concert with my friends that was really fun, and it acted sort of like a relief from my troubles. The issue I have now is that every time I look back at that time, the bad memories of the general period intertwine with those brighter moments. During the concert’s halftime, when nothing was happening, the depression sort of came out of left field and bogged me down for a while, and when the music came back on, I kept telling myself “Just enjoy the show!” to avoid any further problems. There were some really great memories I have of that show that I’d like to recall from time to time, but I’d rather not think about it if they just resurface old feelings I’ve since gotten over. Any suggestions? Thanks, by the way.
Hi,
I’m glad you’re feeling better. I think you’ll find that given enough time, you’ll probably be able to someday enjoy the good without summoning the bad. That has been my experience anyway. I think 2-3 months is probably just too soon. As for not thinking about it now, that takes effort on your part. Try to stay busy, create new fun memories and know that time really does help.
Good luck. I hope things continue to improve for you.
Good luck.
Maybe you need more fun experiences - was that concert the last time you went out with friends, or did something that got you outside of yourself?
Since you’re looking for advice, I’ll move this to IMHO.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
Well, like I said I’ve pretty much overcome my negativity, mostly through doing things with family and friends and a lot of helpful reading. The concert I mentioned in the OP was just a great flash of light in those otherwise darker times; I had been to many concerts before this one, but this one was a very memorable one that just happened to occur at a less-than-perfect time. Wheras I can remember previous concerts without any concerns, the circumstances surrounding the time of the one I speak of make it harder to enjoy thinking about. However, I’m sure with time that I’ll get over it.
TO EVERYONE: Thanks for your advice and for taking the time to respond to my post. I haven’t been on StraightDope.com for long, but so far I am very happy with what I’ve found and witnessed on the message boards. You’re good people, keep up the good work!
Saving my own sob story, I went through a similar period a few years ago, and lesser ones since then. For a time, its difficult to separate these thing, but I think it’s largely just a matter of time and they can sort of compartmentalize as the wounds heal.
To use a generic example, after the death of a loved one, every time a memory of that person comes up it inevitably brings up the recent pain of their death, which can often bring up other attached pain, like certain regrets. But over time, as it heals and you grieve, those connections become weaker. After some period of time, it’s a lot easier to remember good memories associated with that person without being overwhelmed with the sadness.
In short, it seems to me that its more or less a natural part of the grieving process, and if your situation was bad enough to put you into a funk for that long of a time, being just a couple months removed into “okay” means there’s probably still some level of healing to do. The pains will come up less often, but they’ll still come up. It’s sort of like pulling a muscle in your back, and the first week or so, you’re realize just how much you use that muscle, and the next week it seems to be feeling better, but all it takes is a little too much in the wrong direction and you remember that pain all over again.
So for my advice from relating to my own situation, you just have to be patient. Even after I got through the brunt of my grief, there were still a few somewhat common situations that would quickly bring back the pain and make it difficult to focus on anything for a while. And they took a long time to go away, but now only the very strongest reminder really makes me at all sad, or if I’m actually straight up thinking about those things for some reason, like telling the story to someone who didn’t know it.
And its difficult to put any sort of timeline on grief either. It takes as long as it needs to. For me, sometimes things that I’d think should be difficult to get over have relatively low impact, and sometimes things seem to take a lot longer than I’d have thought. If you try to rush it, you end up not really going through it and needing to do it again and again until you do, so it just takes longer. But at the same time, it’s just as easy to get stuck in the process and not move on either.
It’s hard to give more pointed advice than that other than to just try to say trust your feelings. Try to forgive those who you feel wronged you or, if you can’t, figure out what you need to do to to be able to reach that point. Similarly, and just as important, try to apologize to those you feel you wronged, and if you can’t, figure out what you need to do to be at that point. Neither needs to actually be said to the person or accepted, it’s the grace around the situation that’s important.
I hope for you the best in recovering.
It’s maybe not the answer that you want to hear, but time heals all (or at least, most) wounds. I’ve been there before, when whatever emotional baggage I was carrying at the time surfaced to make an otherwise enjoyable time less so.
For instance, when I was much younger (20 or so) I was suffering from pretty bad depression, and as a consequence, would develop really intense attachments to female acquaintances. Not stalker-y, but pretty serious.
I went to a Metallica show (the first leg of the Black Album tour) that really kicked major ass, with a bunch of friends, including my crush du jour. While I had a ton of fun most of the time, she was there with a new boyfriend, and whenever I happened to notice them, it got me down. Like way down. And for months afterward, I couldn’t think about that concert without generally getting into a funk.
Now, 20 years later (damn, did I just type that out loud?), I have absolutely no negative emotions associated with that show, only great memories (they played a way longer version of “Run to the Hills” than they normally did after “Green Hell”; Newsted played two amazing solos; one of my friends caught a drumstick from Lars). In fact, I’d say all the negativity was purged from that memory within a couple years.
Thanks for the additional replies. This website has more helpful people on it than any other I believe I’ve ever come across. I always suspected that it was just a matter of time when it came to forgetting bad feelings, but I suppose that I’ve been a little too hasty. I guess that’s why they say patience is a virtue.
Just out of curiousity, was Metallica really playing Iron Maiden covers that night? I didn’t know they did such a thing. Also, you’re a lucky bum, getting to see them in their heyday!
No, they played the intro to “Run to the Hills” as the ending to “Green Hell/Last Caress” on The $5.98 EP. It’s only a couple bars long, out-of-tune, and very obviously a joke.
I’ve only seen them play it live a couple other times out of the dozen or so times I’ve seen them (between '86 to just last year), but those times they played it just as they played it on the album - a few seconds of tossed off, out-of-tune guitar harmonies.
But this night, they played “Run to the Hills” for quite a bit longer, and spot on in tune, with Hetfield running around the stage getting the crowd riled up. Then, if memory serves, they went right into “The Four Horsemen” without missing a beat. It was pretty fucking badass.