Advice for unattractive women vs. advice for unattractive men

[Senegoid]

This

@Benjamin Franklin

[W]hen Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

[Small_Hen]

@Senegoid

This

Yeah, but Ben Franklin cheated on his wife like it was a hobby.

[Senegoid]

@GuanoLad

The advice I always got was “Be yourself! But dress differently. And don’t slouch. And don’t talk about that stuff. And clean yourself up. And don’t do that weird thing you do all the time. And best not mention that. But, you know, be yourself!”

A friend of mine said it harshly, but said it best:
You have to be yourself. And it has to be the right self.

[Senegoid]

@yellowjacketcoder

This is going to be crude, but I think most of the advice given to ugly women is to get good at blowjobs. Which is not exactly enlightened (in fact, it’s rather demeaning), but does get at one of the non-beauty things guys look for in a relationship.

The Big Lie in that kind of advice is: How is any male going to find out in the first place that you’re a proficient and willing cocksucker? Usually, one doesn’t find out that kind of intimate detail about a partner until, y’know, after you get at least a bit acquainted. If you’re not getting asked out on dates because you’re not so hot-looking (or for whatever other reason), how’s a guy even supposed to know?

What, you’re suppose to advertise the fact publicly and shout it from the rooftops (like Monica Lewinsky did)?

The same goes also for especially well-hung guys, or those who really eat pussy. “Conventional wisdom” holds that such guys need never spend a night alone. Again, they’re supposed to shout it from the roof tops and proclaim the fact on the front page of the New York Times? Typically, one just doesn’t talk about such intimate details when you’re first trying to pick up a female at the bar or beach.

[Hector_St_Clare]

Learn some Wolof and then go find a mail-order husband in The Gambia.

[LinusK]

@Senegoid

The Big Lie in that kind of advice is: How is any male going to find out in the first place that you’re a proficient and willing cocksucker? Usually, one doesn’t find out that kind of intimate detail about a partner until, y’know, after you get at least a bit acquainted. If you’re not getting asked out on dates because you’re not so hot-looking (or for whatever other reason), how’s a guy even supposed to know?

What, you’re suppose to advertise the fact publicly and shout it from the rooftops (like Monica Lewinsky did)?

The same goes also for especially well-hung guys, or those who really eat pussy. “Conventional wisdom” holds that such guys need never spend a night alone. Again, they’re supposed to shout it from the roof tops and proclaim the fact on the front page of the New York Times? Typically, one just doesn’t talk about such intimate details when you’re first trying to pick up a female at the bar or beach.

Tell me about it. <sigh>

[Lamia]

@Velocity

In other words, an ugly woman with a good career, good income, confidence, humor, etc. still might not be considered desirable by men. So just what is the typical advice given to women in that sort of predicament?

You did say that you wanted to exclude this, but in reality the advice this woman (and really any woman who doesn’t look like a supermodel) would be getting from everyone would be to make herself prettier. If she’s so severely deformed or disfigured that there’s truly nothing she could possibly do to make herself look better, I suspect she’d be told to just find what happiness she could with her career, friends, etc., and forget about ever attracting a man.

Aside from that, a successful woman would also be told that she’s probably too intimidating to men and needs to downplay her accomplishments, confidence, and intelligence and/or seem more impressed by the men she wishes to attract.

Women in general also receive much the same advice men would get with regard to basic social skills and good manners, but I’m assuming that’s not an issue for this hypothetical woman since she is confident, has a good sense of humor, and is professionally successful.

[GuanoLad]

@Senegoid

What, you’re suppose to advertise the fact publicly and shout it from the rooftops (like Monica Lewinsky did)?

Word of mouth.

As it were.

[TruCelt]

I would give the same advice in both cases: Smile, and have fun. Because, truth be told, the most popular person at any gathering is NOT the best looking one. There are plenty of miserable or vapid pretty women who nobody wants to date. There are plenty of good-looking rich men standing around with nothing to say and therefore nobody to talk to.

But the person who is smiling and having a good time is the one around whom a crowd will form. Dance, laugh, be ready with a joke (no, it is NOT “inauthentic” to look up a couple of jokes and have them ready before a social gathering!). Also, pay attention to the world around you. Have something interesting to talk about. Whatever you are interested in, start a conversation about it. That way, you can find the person (people) who are interested in the same thing.

I’ve done the Barbie Doll thing, and I’m now the exhausted, overweight, middle-aged single Mom. In every case, through all the years, at every party I’ve ever attended, when I was miserable, it showed, and nobody came near me. When I’ve been laughing and happy, folks have wanted to hang around.

[bb49]

@even_sven

I think it’s basically the same— if you don’t have the looks, make sure you’ve got the personality. And when at first you don’t succeed-- lower your standards!

Women do get a lot of advice on how to dress for our body type. “How to dress for your shape” articles are a women’s magazine mainstay. We also get a lot of advice on how to match things like haircuts or glasses to our face shapes. Some of this advice is helpful, a lot is dubious filler. But I do think it encourages women to be a little more aware of the things they can change.

The above says a lot.

Have you heard the song "A Three Dressed Up As Nine? I had a g/f who I think of whenever I hear that song. Well, she was better than a three. Stripped down to nothing she was maybe a generous five, but dress her up and take her out she was a hot ten. She knew how to dress up, she had personality and she knew how to use it. And above all she had confidence. I dont know if she always had confidence or if it came as she matured.

But ladies, look at yourself. What can a little makeup do? What can the right clothes do? Do you need to lose a bit of weight? How about your hair? How about eating healthy so that your skin improves.
A few changes, some subtle can make a huge difference.

[zweisamkeit]

@bb49

But ladies, look at yourself. What can a little makeup do? What can the right clothes do? Do you need to lose a bit of weight? How about your hair? How about eating healthy so that your skin improves.
A few changes, some subtle can make a huge difference.

Heh heh. This advice isn’t groundbreaking or earth shattering, bb49. These are the exact things that have been drummed into our heads since before puberty.

[Gretchion]

@bb49

The above says a lot.

Have you heard the song "A Three Dressed Up As Nine? I had a g/f who I think of whenever I hear that song. Well, she was better than a three. Stripped down to nothing she was maybe a generous five, but dress her up and take her out she was a hot ten.

I’d bet that stripped down to nothing most guys would give more than a five.

[monstro]

@bb49

But ladies, look at yourself. What can a little makeup do? What can the right clothes do? Do you need to lose a bit of weight? How about your hair? How about eating healthy so that your skin improves.
A few changes, some subtle can make a huge difference.

I’m amazed that women are getting this advice on a message board where every other new thread seems to be a variation of “I’m an ugly guy who can’t get laid”.

[Your_Great_Darsh_Face]

Well, monstro, your sex life may be perfectly satisfactory, but I don’t think it would kill you to find a little sympathy for those not so fortunate.

[overlyverbose]

@racepug

True (God knows it happened to ME more than once!). But there’s no sense in family selling you a"Bill of Goods" that nobody else in the world will, either. While I agree that there’s no reason for family members to be cruel (enough other people in the world can do THAT) I also don’t think that family members should get people’s hopes up, either. That’s why when it comes to comments about people I tend to dismiss those made by family members. At least the ones made in public. Maybe the kind of comments one would hear if one were a fly on the wall during a private conversation have merit. But not other ones, in my view.

I actually agree with you there - I think honesty is important, too. Kind of like you don’t want to instill the idea in your kids that they’re special - they’re special to you and they should know that, but inculcating the idea that they’re somehow special to everyone in the world just because isn’t helping anyone.

I think looks is a little sticky, though - you can tell a kid that they need a shower or that they’re being a jerk or somehow offensive, but when it comes to looks, when it’s all said and done, beyond hygiene, there are some things that just won’t change without plastic surgery. Eh, I guess there’s no right answer over and above, whatever you do, be considerate of the kid’s feelings and be as neutral as possible.

[Anaamika]

@TruCelt

I would give the same advice in both cases: Smile, and have fun. Because, truth be told, the most popular person at any gathering is NOT the best looking one. There are plenty of miserable or vapid pretty women who nobody wants to date. There are plenty of good-looking rich men standing around with nothing to say and therefore nobody to talk to.

True and not true. Because a significant portion of men will still hang around the beautiful woman, even if she has nothing to say. But you are right in that the beautiful woman with the great personality will get the men every time!

@bb49

But ladies, look at yourself. What can a little makeup do? What can the right clothes do? Do you need to lose a bit of weight? How about your hair? How about eating healthy so that your skin improves.
A few changes, some subtle can make a huge difference.

Did you read the entire thread? Any of it? We’ve been getting this advice since we were children! Always look good for the boys! Always look pretty! Make an effort!

[monstro]

@Your_Great_Darsh_Face

Well, monstro, your sex life may be perfectly satisfactory, but I don’t think it would kill you to find a little sympathy for those not so fortunate.

wtf

[Shodan]

@Senegoid

The Big Lie in that kind of advice is: How is any male going to find out in the first place that you’re a proficient and willing cocksucker? Usually, one doesn’t find out that kind of intimate detail about a partner until, y’know, after you get at least a bit acquainted. If you’re not getting asked out on dates because you’re not so hot-looking (or for whatever other reason), how’s a guy even supposed to know?

What, you’re suppose to advertise the fact publicly and shout it from the rooftops (like Monica Lewinsky did)?

The same goes also for especially well-hung guys, or those who really eat pussy. “Conventional wisdom” holds that such guys need never spend a night alone. Again, they’re supposed to shout it from the roof tops and proclaim the fact on the front page of the New York Times? Typically, one just doesn’t talk about such intimate details when you’re first trying to pick up a female at the bar or beach.

“I don’t know why George gets all those dates - all he ever does is stand there licking his eyebrows”.

Regards,
Shodan

[Anaamika]

@monstro

wtf

Yah…a little strange there.

[Your_Great_Darsh_Face]

@monstro

wtf

Sorry, your comment seemed a little harsh, that was all. Apologies if my post was out of place.