Not on this specifically, but I’ve observed something similar in country people vs city people, although to a lesser degree. It’s most visible in watching two people shake hands; the distance between bodies will be greater in country people, to the extent that sometimes they have to lean forward a bit.
Moggy, I was in a similar situation with a man who used to go to my church. This man was in his 80’s at least, but he used to insist on giving me hugs. Because of some issues in my past I called him on his behaviour and told him why. He acted hurt and tried to act like it wasn’t his fault, but rather due to the world’s immorality. He stopped for a few months, but then started up again, at one point reaching out to hug me while I was backing away! At this point, I went to our priest and laid out the situation. My priest, thank God in the most literal sense, backed me and the hugs stopped. The man in question is now dead, and I’m afraid I can’t say I miss him.
At this point, subtlety won’t work. Lay out your ground rules which do not have to include even a hug when he greets you. Keep your boundaries firm, and, if you set penalties, keep them believable. There’s another abusive hugger who goes to the same gatherings I go to whom I have said “If you ever lay a hand on me without my permission, I will slap your face.” So far, it’s worked. Good luck, be firm, and, after the first warning, do not accept social ineptitude as an excuse. The fellow I just mentioned has been in Mensa for over a decade, and we don’t come much more socially inept, but anyone should be able to understand the word “No.”
Hang in there, Moggy, and, if you’re in the Cincinatti area, please don’t tell me he’s the same one!
Oh, Cervaise, while I haven’t seen the videotape, back when I worked in Japanese tourism, I can remember being in a similar situation with a Japanese co-worker where she would keep closing the space between us and I would keep widening it out. It took me a while to figure out why I didn’t like her and why I kept moving backwards when talking to her, but I did get it eventually.
CJ
Just tell him, “Dude, don’t touch me!”
I HATE touchy-feely people. Well, ones who have to hug strangers. Friends are okay, but even then, I hate friends who are all hovery and touchy and like, “hug, hug HUG!”
Hell, I hug my sister when I want to ANNOY HER!!!
LOL
HUGS
ducks and runs
And yes, tell hubby to tell this guy to back off, AND tell this guy yourself. Also-have you asked anyone else if they noticed this?
Hmm, well I would probably tell him to back off - especially since you’re married. I thought he’d have more sense than that, but maybe that’s my naievity about how the world works…
Just tell him to back off…
On the topic of personal space, I don’t seem to have problems either way, though if a person is standing abnormally close… and happens to have a crush on you… and happens to have chronic, horrid halitosis, then that’s too much. Or if they’re abnormally far away, so I have to almost raise my voice so they can hear me.
Another thing you may want to try is ask your husband to follow him whenever he gets up to come into the kitchen (or wherever you are). I do agree that you need to confront him, though.