Let’s see if I can be succinct and still get a meaningful question and useful responses…
53 days ago I started a relationship with a sweet beautiful wonderful woman. I am rather paranoid of relationships, as many have ended very roughly….usually with me losing interest in the woman and breaking their hearts….(as an adult that’s been the routine. Middle school and highschool I was the one getting broken)
So I told myself, I would not get seriously involved with someone unless she was amazing…and now this young lady comes along and she is basically amazing…wonderful…compatible with me in every way…I was literally dumbfoundedly high for about 42 straight days…unlike anything I have ever experienced for a woman ever in my 36 years… Now the raw emotional high has dissipated a bit and I suddenly have anxiety…I don’t know how to evaluate my feelings…
Nothing has changed about how wonderful she is for me…I guess I just need someone to tell me how to evaluate the emotional rollercoaster of a new relationship…should I be ecstatically high and happy 24 hours a day forever? I mean that is how I felt for the first 42 days or so…and now that I am feeling more normal…I am trying to get my bearings… I am not used to having someone in my life that compliments me and basically gives me perfect partnership for anything I possibly want to explore in life…and I don’t know how to handle it…lol
Oh, and I am scared to try and mention this emotional rollercoaster to her…I don’t want to sound like…”my feelings have changed” when I am pretty sure the emotional ecstatic high of new love isn’t supposed to just last forever!.. Do I talk about this with her???
It’s perfectly normal to experience a surge of hormones during the first few months of a new relationship. This stage usually lasts 6 months to 2 years. I would advise you to mostly keep your mouth shut about your whirlwind feelings, at least until you’re no longer “crazy” and you can articulate your feelings to her in a calm, non-stalkery, logical way. It sounds like perhaps, in the past, you’ve been vocal about your hormone-induced infatuations, maybe have led the women to believe that you really felt permanent feelings for them, and then when you came back to your senses after that initial rush, left them broken-hearted. Even if things don’t work out with this woman, don’t do this to her. Be quiet about your infatuation until (if) it becomes real. Good luck with turning this new budding thing into a real and lasting love, if it’s what’s right for you.
You’re describing infatuation, a word which has unfortunately become associated with brief, fleeting fancies and thus sounds more pejorative than it actually is. New relationship infatuation is the best thing ever, and in my experience is critical in laying the foundation for the deep connection that you need for a happy long-term relationship. Unfortunately, it’s also responsible for people constructing fantasy personas for the person they’re with instead of accurately seeing them realistically and/or moving way too fast and/or freaking out when the infatuation starts to ebb.
I agree with Alice the Goon, that the best thing you can do is try to play it cool when you’re in the grip of the infatuation whirlwind, both to not freak the other person out as well as to avoid setting them up for a painful fall. Also, don’t freak out yourself when the infatuation starts to ebb – it doesn’t mean the love is gone, it just means things have moved to the next phase. Focus on connecting with the other person as they really are, not as the infatuation-soaked goddess you’ve idealized them to be, and just see where things go.
Just watch out for putting the pussy on a pedestal. Really, I am a woman and I’m saying that. A woman is a human being, with wants, needs, and flaws, not some mythical pristine thing of perfection fit only for worship. When you put another person on a pedestal (and, “I wont get serious unless they are AMAZING” sounds dangerously close to that line of thinking) then they are nothing to you standing on the ground with the rest of us normally flawed human beings.
After all, would you say you are AMAZING? Do you expect more from her than you do of yourself?
Of course I am AMAZING! Can’t believe you asked that. 
This is great…you guys inspired me to google for “phases of love” and “phases of relationships” and it is really helping me get some bearings on where we are emotionally… I feel much better already…
I detest the expression ‘pussy on a pedestal’ but I agree with Hello Again’s sentiment. You waited for an amazing woman, and it seems like you’ve got one, but you’ve got to leave her room to be human. It’s weird – being incredibly compatible with someone sometimes makes the incompatibilities even worse, like a betrayal (We’re so similar in every way, our senses of humor, favorite shows and movies, taste in music and food – but now you’re telling me you like Jeff Dunham?!). Get over that and you’re golden.
And while I agree that you shouldn’t be telling her your feelings have ‘changed,’ there’s nothing wrong with a general ‘relationship talk.’ They don’t only have to come during break-ups.
Some girls don’t like it when a guy is all head over heels for her right off the bat. It’s like if they’re falling in love that fast then there’s something wrong. (weak) But the longer it takes a guy to fall in love with you the stronger the love will be. Kinda like the best pair of shoes takes longer to make than a crappy pair of shoes.
This is a hard question to answer, maybe it’s different for everyone.
I think one of the most important things about new relationships is to pay attention to how your partner treats other people. They may be falling all over themselves to make YOU happy, but eventually the infatuation will fade and you will be treated more or less the way they treat everyone else. One reason I was so attracted to my husband is because I saw how well he treated others. He is one of the kindest, gentlest people I know. Sometimes he’s so good it’s infuriating.
For example, we got into a fight the other night, and I was so pissed off I couldn’t stop yelling, and he quietly said, ‘‘I really can’t have this conversation right now because I’m going to say something hurtful and I don’t want to do that.’’
And inside I’m screaming, ‘‘ARRRGHGHG I WANT TO FIGHT!!! STOP BEING SUCH A GOODY-GOODY!’’
But I digress.
Every relationship goes through the infatuation stage. Everyone has that period of time where their partner can do no wrong. It goes away. What you’re left with depends highly on what attracted you to them in the first place. If you are attracted to their basic goodness or wisdom or maturity, then chances are that’s what you’re going to be left with when the dust settles.
I completely believe in the maxim that your partner should be your friend before your lover. I have that. I have a man I can talk to for hours about everything from social psychology to ninja turtles. We spent the weekend playing a new video game together–he dragged his desk over next to mine and we both played our own game side-by-side. We have mutual goals and individual interests. There are times we go to bed and then stay up hours past our bedtime just talking about random shit. Our lives fit, we just fit. We are the luckiest people on the planet, to have one another.
My point is, at some point reality will come crashing into your fantasy world and you will get something real and occassionally very annoying. At that time you can decide whether the benefits outweigh the costs. Until then, enjoy the ride.