Advice needed: Should I attempt to reconcile with an estranged friend?

[Scotticher]

Sometimes people just view each other with differing eyes. He wants to be with you, you DON’T want to be with him that way.

Neither of you are likely to change your feelings, and it is only prolonging his hurtful feelings if you give him any hope.

I went through something like this, I was quite honest and no sex was involved. It got quite ugly. We eventually were able to become good friends again…AFTER he found somone to love. I would advise that if you want to be friends again, you wait until he finds someone ELSE to love. The dynamic is just too fragile in the meantime.

[birdgirl]

*Originally posted by Sapphire Wolf *
**But there’s something I’m not getting.

You and Daniel fooled around…when Jerry was no longer in the picture. Once Jerry came back, you and Daniel no longer fooled around.

Is that correct?

'Cause if so…I don’t see why you were so afraid of Jerry finding out. He was no longer in the picture, you didn’t do anything with Daniel while with Jerry, so…what’s the shame?

Well, other than being inebriated during the encounters, that is.
**

Good question SW. Let me see if I can explain without it sounding stupid…the first reason I didn’t want Jerry to know is because then he may not have been comfortable with me remaining friends and hanging out with Daniel. Just as I would not like Jerry hanging out with a girl he had fooled around with. Second, Jerry sometimes would say that he thought Daniel was interested in me. I kept saying no, no, no, that wasn’t the case, we are just friends…which was a “white lie,” I admit. Just so he wouldn’t worry about us hanging out together. Lastly, it was just plain embarrassing and I really didn’t want anyone to ever know. Well besides you guys!

Anyway I just want to say thanks to everyone for their good advice. I am going to take the majority advice to not contact him, because I think that is the right thing to do. I do not think our friendship was really healthy. I think he always expected more from me than I could give…

[PunditLisa]

I think it’s good that you’ve decided not to contact him, birdgirl. You want him to be something he’s not: just a friend.

There is nothing preventing you from trying to establish a platonic friendship with someone else, of course. The fact that you want to seek Daniel out makes me believe that you feel something is missing in your life. Maybe someone to talk to and be a sounding board. Someone to hang out with. And that’s completely understandable. It’s just that that person can’t be Daniel anymore.

[birdgirl]

*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon *
**More imoprtantly, you say things happened more than once while you were drunk; that you were depressed. Have you considered getting help for that? **

BNB: That situation was like three years ago. I was depressed because my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me. Haven’t you ever been dumped and gone out and gotten plastered to take the pain away? That’s all it was…and it was a long time ago. Like I said I am fine now, I don’t need any “help,” but thanks for caring…

Originally posted by PunditLisa
**The fact that you want to seek Daniel out makes me believe that you feel something is missing in your life. Maybe someone to talk to and be a sounding board. Someone to hang out with. **

Hey, I don’t need Daniel to be a “sounding board” when I have you guys on the SDMB! heheheh! But really, I don’t really feel something is missing in my life, I just was feeling bad that we have cut off all communication…no one ever wants that to happen to a friendship. But as most of you said, it’s for the best, and you all helped me realize that.