If a woman is interested in you and is free to make a move on that interest it will be pretty obvious. You (no one else) has created this semi-obsessive fantasy that you have this “connection”. Women like men who are confident and you are (to me) coming across as raggedly desperate. Your phone message is guaranteed to creep her out. And …here is the central point… YOU did not GET that doing that would not be a smooth move, but would (to most women) come across as weird, desperate and stalkery. This lack of understanding makes a person wonder about your overall approach and if this connection you talk about exists only in your mind.
You’re running after her with your heart in one hand and your dick in the other. That’s not an appealing approach. Unless by some miracle she gives you a second shot you really need to let this go.
In my experience it’s even better if you bang her and it’s great and you have loads of fun talking and share lots of interests and some good times and only then does she walk away without explaining…
I was 30 years old and starting a new job. My boss introduced me to my office mate, who was a woman I went to high school with, and hadn’t seen since. Was it fate that we would end up at adjoining desks, being with each other for eight hours a day? Or was it just a curious coincidence, especially since we didn’t especially like each other, either back in high school, or 12 years later?
2)Listen to this song. Now listen to it about a dozen more times until you really understand what it says.
I’m wondering if she suspects that your second meeting wasn’t a mind-blowing coincidence at all—maybe she thinks you orchestrated it somehow. It certainly sounds like a random event the way you described it, but if she’s feeling stalked and freaked-out she may not be reacting rationally.
In any case, I concur with the Dopers advising you to move on. Life isn’t a rom-com movie, and that immediate connection you felt would dissipate once you got to know each other.
I actually the OP kind of did right to throw it all out there. It’s better to make a clear statement and get a clear reply. Or absence thereof. But you got the(non) reply, now it’s time to accept it.
I also really totally understand and have been there. You think someone is just so perfect for you, but they just don’t see it. Painful and frustrating. But I’ve come to understand that someone can’t be right for you and not realise it. That doesn’t exist. If it is meant to work, they will come to you without too much effort on your part. If not, focus elsewhere. Or better still, on being your own person. I was harsh about it in my previous post so as to not dilute that message. But I do get the feeling oh so well and it took me ages to train myself out of this kind of logic. OP, start here with getting it rationally, and from there you can start to get it emotionally.
Man, deleting her number and de-friending her on Facebook sure is draconian. I just can’t imagine how much more hard core a person could be.
Aren’t you a little young to be living on your own and smoking cigarettes? I imagine you look pretty different after 2.5 years too, having recently started puberty and all.
String I know the snark is heavy in this thread, but take comfort in the fact that we’ve ALL done foolish things because of an unrequited love interest. Including the snarkers in this thread.
There’s nothing wrong with throwing it out there but when you stick your hand out for a high five and nobody is slapping it, you should probably put your hand back down.
Also, Jeffrey Dahmer was gay (to the extent that makes a difference), and he wasn’t acting out of unrequited love, exactly. He wanted a completely compliant partner, with utterly no autonomy.
OP, just out of curiosity, do you think that it is primarily rom-coms (and other similar works) that lead people astray? In my case, that was/is certainly part of it, but there are so many similar cultural messages in music and elsewhere, all of them claiming that it’s possible to “win her heart.” I also feel like this is a very broad, general trope, in that I heard so many times while growing up that it’s possible to achieve most anything with enough perseverance and such.
I love you, because I think we are soulmates. No really, hear me out. If you would just let me talk to you face-to-face, I can explain it all. I’m not insane or scary. Honestly. I swear. Soulmates. You’ll see. I’ll show you.
