The first thing to do is file for a legal seperation. That will make him pay for any bills he runs up after you’re out of the house.
Surely you have friends in Boston that can jgive you moral support. If one part of life is awful, we precieve all parts are awful.
Once you’re out of the doll’s house, and he’s no longer pulling you down, other parts of your life will start looking up.
If you’re unhappy enough to leave your marriage, do so, but I’d urge you to reconsider taking your kids so far away from their dad. You said he’s a good father, I wouldn’t be so quick to deprive them of regular contact with him even if you’re furious with him over other things.
Thanks. Now I can sleep again.
So you can’t get along with your husband, you can’t get along with your siblings, you can’t get along with your new boss, and you can’t get along with your neighbors. There seems to be a common factor here, and I don’t think it can be avoided by a move to Texas.
Have you considered speaking to your doctor and/or therapist about possible interactions between your anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, and anti-migraine medications?
Regards,
Shodan
Does it have to be all one thing or the other? Isn’t there happy medium in there somewhere? Don’t you have more choices than A) suck it up and be miserable or B) uproot your life and start over somewhere else, where you might also be miserable?
I think the reason you are having trouble making a decision is because you do not have enough information with which to make that decision. I would certainly not uproot myself, nevermind two children, and move across the country with zero job prospects. I wouldn’t take my children out of state either – and I don’t think you can just do that. So maybe look for employment opportunities elsewhere and maybe not even in Texas. Maybe just in your state or in your region. There’s more than one job in Boston, right?
I’ve done this myself and I knew a few people who have done the same thing, so I’m suggesting that most of the time, one’s problems cannot and will not be solved by a change in geography. The problems will follow you because the problems you have are not about your surroundings or the people around you. And when you get to Texas and you have no job and you still can’t get along with anyone around you, what then? Move to Alaska?
Deal with your shit. Get marriage counseling, separate, finalize a divorce – that’s one problem to solve. Change jobs, go on unemployment, start your own business – that’s another problem to solve. Find another place to live, that’s a third problem. Make one decision at a time and make sure it’s a fully informed decision. Talk to an attorney, find out what you can or cannot do with regard to your marriage. And try to stop thinking in such black and white extremes.
Now now Shodan, I’m sure there are people the OP can not get along with in Texas too!
To the OP - work towards a peaceful life. You say your husband is a good dad - well then don’t rob him and the kids of that by moving too far away.
I would not recommend uprooting with children unless you were in an abusive situation. That doesn’t sound like what you’re describing. File for separation and/or divorce, as applicable. You make more money than your husband, so you may end up owing him alimony (or have to move out and let him have the house in lieu). It’s perfectly possible for a man to be a good dad but a horrible partner. That doesn’t justify taking his children far away from him. I believe that when my parents divorced (not in your state, so may not apply) my mom couldn’t move out of state afterward without getting permission from the court.
You can get another job in your area too, you know. In conjunction with separation/divorce/moving, that might be enough to shake things up and get you into a better mental space. I suspect that just living apart from your husband would do that, though.
Not yet, anyway.
Regards,
Shodan
Wow, I can’t believe all the good advice on here. I was afraid to go online, thinking there would be a lot of negative feedback. I see the rational that is offered, that I have to deal with my problems, not run away. Thank you all for that advice. As far as the observant poster who wrote that I cannot get along with a lot of people, that is a good point, and something to think about too.
Today, I sent an email to my boss, informing her I was staying home today. To my surprise, she wrote a simple “feel better” back. She is a tough boss, but I am a good worker, and I probably will never find another job that pays so well, with all the great benefits.
I wrote up a four page complaint, and studied the case law for MA online. I was up all night. This morning, I went to court and submitted a harassment order, asking for the courts help with my neighbor. She has physically and emotionally harassed us. I simply asked that the court give her an issuance telling her to abstain from cursing, yelling, swearing, or threatening myself or my children.
I sat in a courtroom 6 hours. I swear to you. Well, one hour was waiting in the hall, while court was out to lunch. After 6 hours I was finally called, and in a shaky voice pleaded with the judge to grant the order, not for me, but for my children. Within seconds he denied it. They pretty much implied that I should have called the cops a few times, to have police reports as back up.
I do not call cops. I had a very, very, very tough childhood. The cops were always in my neighborhood. It would not faze me. The only reason I have never ever called the cops on crazy Barbara, is my sincere quest to keep my children as innocent and untainted as possible. That is my main goal in life. Do they were rose colored glasses? You bet they do. They will have plenty of time to see the evils in this world, and I try to protect them.
The only communication my children ever had with a police officer was when one came to their girl scouts to teach them stranger danger. If I ever called the cops to my dead end street, crazy Barbara would get her wish, for a bigger stage for her to go all crazy on. My girls would be absolutely horrified. I have shielded them, and they would actually be crying if I ever called the police, as they think the police are only called for extreme situations, like murder or something.
As far as me and my husband, that is a long, boring, sad, abusive story. As long as I go along to get along, we present as a nice Catholic couple to his social group, and to our girls. There is no such thing as a legal separation in MA. I have filed for divorce before, and it got ugly really fast. In order to protect my girls, I just have to bite the bullet. I know you do not understand, but my situation is quite unique and I would be happy to share with anyone who wants to know the whole story, as to how I am stuck in a loveless marriage, and have no current friends. If you knew the whole story, you would understand.
Some good news, our insurance company got back to us (about the basement damage), and said we were covered. So, that is really, really good news. They will not pay for all the damage, we would have to pay the first 1K, but that is still really, really good news.
Thanks again for all your good advice. As for crazy Barbara, I will try my best to ignore her, and if she keeps it up, I can wait for the children go to school, and then call the police. I am just afraid of my temper. The neighborhood I grew up in, that bitch would be as good as dead right now. I am trying not to revert back to the days when everything would have been settled with one good pop to the face. I am honestly thinking that is what I might have to do. I cannot let her keep yelling sexual gross disgusting things at my children. I just can’t.
Hope you all have a great evening, and again thanks everyone for not bashing, I really like constructive criticism. Oh, yeah, one more thing, I have a great private therapist that I do see, and can call anytime I need her, she is really awesome. 
O.k, just one more thing (really this time). I spent six hours in a courtroom. People are crazy in my neighborhood (Dorchester MA). Sweet mama, I was actually scared having to listen to all the crazy stories. Guns, drugs, numerous complaints, etc. It was crazy!! One guy was in the back banging against the wall, screaming. I was friggin terrified. I just wanted to run out of the room, but everyone else in the packed courtroom where like “whatever”. Crazy Scary!!
Get her doing this on camera. Seriously, it’s that easy. Or should be. Just wait until the next time she starts screaming at/near your children, walk out your front door with your smartphone up in front of you, and tell her you’re filming. If she stops, awesome. If she doesn’t, there’s your evidence. Take it to the police station and file for an order of protection. Or you could set up an actual security camera to record these incidents, which is a lot more expensive and time-consuming.
But I gotta say, if you think that talking to the police about someone saying such things would be more traumatic for your kids than hearing someone say such things… well, it’s not. Your kids would benefit from the lesson that adults aren’t allowed to get away with screaming sexual obscenities at children.
You should. This is what they’re here for.
And your kids would do well to learn that it’s ok to call the police for something less than a murder.
**delsina363 ** I made a little joke on Shodan’s point, but I’m glad you did entertain his thoughts. I know there’s a time in the month when everyone seems to get really annoying - a few days later I realise it’s my tolerance that’s dropped.
Thanks everyone for your good advice. I have decided to try to lighten up a bit and not be so pessimistic. I am going to take the good advice to handle one problem at a time. Last night I even called one of my sisters I disowned months ago.
As for calling the police, once bitten, twice shy. 99% of experiences I have had with police in Boston are negative. When you grow up in certain “neighborhoods”, you are definitely treated differently (at least here in Boston). This is not only my opinion, but also the majority of people I know, and have known over the years.
Of course, if something severe happened, like my house was broken into, or I saw a crazy person running down the street with a knife, I would call the police.
I am very leary of all police, and people in authority. This is all from my experience, so please do not insult me with posts about my “ignorance”. Shit happens, I am just a realist. Peace…
Hi All:
I just wanted to add updates to my crazy life. I really took all the good advice here to heart. The best advice I believe was to handle one problem at a time.
I did get in touch with my crazy, neurotic, little sister. Sometimes I need a break from her as she can be very draining. I am really glad we are talking again.
To update: The neighbor who flooded my basement apparantly does not have insurance. My home insurance covers some of the damage. They had some company come in, tear down the sheetrock wall, pull up the floor tiling, stripping a half finished basement into an unfinshed basement. There are still big machines down there taking all the humidity out. I think we are to be compensated for the losses, however, I will probably never see that check.
As for crazy neighbor: When she realized I could not get a restraining order, she upped her antics full blast. The next morning she started coming out taking pictures of my daughters close up and calling them names. I snapped. It is my job to protect them. I told the kids to wait in the car, and I gave her what for. I told her this is over, you mess with my kids, you will be hurt. She actually came after me, and it got ugly (No, I never laid a finger on her). She told me she was calling the police, so I took my kids and dropped them off at school, and went back to the house, where, of course, the police were waiting. They did not believe me that she attacked me, and thank God, my daughter in the car took pictures (as her crazy Aunt told her to do next time an occurence happened). They said she said I broke into her house, and attacked her. They told me they could arrest me for home invasion, and abuse of an elderly person (a felony).
I was terrified. I really thought I was going to be arrested. Me, the most clean living, law abiding person I know.
I had enough, enough of waterboy next door, crazy old lady neighbor, verbally and mentally abusive husband. I was afraid, but I knew I had to step up for my children, and do what was best for me and them, and the consequences be damned.
I met with a lawyer of the weekend. I gave him all the paperwork detailing all the incidents with crazy neighbor lady, including all the pictures, which show her assaulting me. He agreed, she was no little old lady, she looks around 50 and looks like a terrible human being in the pictures. He was going to contact the detective in charge, and will get back to me. With the pictures, he believes I certainly have the upper hand, and I should be o.k. legally.
When I met him, I also asked if he could give me the name of a good divorce attorney. He said after we clear up the neigbor mess, he will refer me to a good divorce attorney.
I went home where my husband started verbally and mentally harassing me again (the kids were not home). He loves, loves to kick me when I am down, and he knew I was really afraid about the neighbor having me arrested. He used the opportunity to bash me, yet again. This time I could not take it, and I cried. I swore to him as God is my witness I am getting a divorce, and leaving with the girls. He started his threats about taking my kids, my car, etc. but I told him it would not work this time, I was not backing down.
I told him I would pay the mortgage for the month, but after that, he is on his own. I told him I am saving my money, and finding an apartment for me and the kids. This time I will do my homework, and try to find a better street, maybe one with kids, to live on. I am done with the neighbors, the flooding and the abuse.
Now, I just have to hold on tight to my sanity, and get ready for his threats. He already has threatened me with taking away my children, taking the house (like I care) taking my car, etc. This time I just have to be strong and trust in myself I am doing the right thing.
I spoke with my daughters and I explained to them what I was going to do. It was a good talk, and I tried to put it in a way that they would not panic, or think that they had anything to worry about. They too, really want to move off of the street, and think an apartment is a good idea. I kept the discussion open to any questions they had. I also told them that Daddy is going to be mad, and it may be rough for a while, but I promised them it would only be for a short time, and the future for us will be much better.
I just hope I have the resolve to go through with it all. Wish me luch 
A good father adores his wife, and sets a positive example for the man his daughter’s ought to marry.
They are indeed insane
You gotta do what you can for the girls.
It sounds like you want to be told to move to San Antonio. If you could move in with your for a weeks until you are on you feet, it could be worth while.
Good luck. Change is always hard but the hardest time is starting.
I’m not sure how you think this is going to work. Your name is on the mortgage and the bank isn’t going to care that you’ve moved out. You need to resolve your mortgage at the same time you are moving out.
Life is to short to b miserable
Life is to short to b miserable not sure but i have been threw lots of it all:)COLOR=“black”][/COLOR]
sorry for the short and double posjust started this app
Did you not show the pictures to the police at the time? I don’t quite understand why you waited to show them to a lawyer.
I find it strange that the police believed you broke into your neighbours house and attacked her, yet they did not arrest you?