There’s been way too many stories in the news lately about husbands shooting their wives and tossing them into bays or Dumpsters after being confronted about affairs . . . Maybe you should have some other people around when you talk to him?
I agree. Once the arguments start, there will be way too much verbal clutter to think clearly. Before you confront him, decide what you want for yourself and the kids - then stick to the decision. It seems unlikely that there will be strange, extenuating circumstances that would require you to rethink your position.
Go on and laugh, sweetie, it was a joke. Well, mostly, anyway. I’d have the urge to scream and throw shit, even if I didn’t act on that urge.
Tiggrkitty’s right. Him cheating on you isn’t about you; it’s all about him. You are not responsible for his actions or his choices. That’s all him. No matter what you may or may not have done, HE is the one who chose to commit adultery. You did not drive him to this. He freely and deliberately choose it of his own free will. No matter how swept up he might have been, no matter what you look or act like (I won’t even get into my opionions on that subject), no matter what sort of problems you two might have been having, he had options that didn’t involve fucking other people while married to you and he chose not to exercise them. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I wouldn’t call this advice, but if I were you I’d call him up and tell him you want him to clear his things out when he gets back and hang up.
Do not tell him why. Let him stew for a while.
This from a man who’s been where your hubby is right now.
I would wait to do it face-to-face, personally. I think.
Beyond that, I don’t believe that any of us can offer useful advice here. We just don’t know anything about the situation.
Initially I just wanted input from others because when I am in crisis mode I can’t think very clearly. My first inclination was to call him up and explode but reading the answers I got here and doing some soul searching made me decide to confront him face to face. I am probably the least confrontational person on the planet, I am a huge wimp about it but I really need to do this and I will. I’m so scared about it that I am shaking even as I write this.
I know that no one knows my situation and I really appreciate how helpful you all have been. It’s made me stronger and hopefully now my life will change for the better. At the moment, what my family’s future holds is up in the air. But I know that by tomorrow night I’ll be down the path to something better. So thanks again everyone for bucking me up, and helping me realize what has to be done.
This woman is an “infidelity expert” and offers some counter-intuitive advice that may be worth looking at.
The only bit of advice I can offer (speaking as the guilty culprit) is that even though you have been wronged, that wasn’t your husband’s intent. He is doing what he is doing due to his own failings and in all likelihood feels as much repulsed/shamed by his actions as he is thrilled. I have two friends who had affairs while married and didn’t get caught but confided in me. I told both of them that they were persuing a fantasy and both are still happily married many years later. Both regret their affairs and are amazed at how juvenile their thinking was.
Wow, good luck Keek. I’m sure you’ll find that you’re stronger than you thought you were when this is all over. You’ve had time to think about what you’re going to say and do. You’ll be able to pull yourself together when the crunch is on, no matter how scary it is to think about. You’re going to be OK.
Waaahhh, the poor cheaters.
Thanks for that link don’t ask it is exactly what I need.
I’d wait for face to face. They squirm so much better and find it harder to lie when they have to look you in the eyes.
You will be in my thoughts. I hope and wish the best for you and your family. This is not an easy time to get through, but remember, it isn’t your fault no matter how he may try to place blame on you or the kids.
He is an adult and he made the choice. No one did it for him.
:: sending hugs your way ::
I was also thinner than my (ex-)husband’s mistress. And, at least in the estimation of my current husband, much prettier. If you are unhappy in a marriage, you work on it, you go to counseling, or you end the relationship. Having an affair is either for the people too chicken**** to do any of the above, or concerned with no one but themselves. What genius decided that when someone cheats, it’s the fault of the person who got cheated on? What a load of crap.
Good Luck with everything, the Keek.
Because it is far easier for some people to blame other’s for their own shortcomings than to admit they were weak or at fault.
I mean why except the guilt of hurting your kids? It’s far easier to blame the wife/husband. YOU DROVE ME TO CHEAT ON YOU! :smack:
I always loved that one.
Just wanted to check in and see if you’re ok, the keek. I’m sure others are thinking of you, as well. Keeping good thoughts headed in your direction.
I’m okay, we just haven’t talked about it yet. He knows that I know because he tracked down my post and has read it all, so I guess that takes care of the exciting part. Thanks for the good thoughts and keep them coming, I’m sure it’s got to be what’s keeping me together.
I hope you’re OK, the keek.
Not sure why you hadn’t discussed the big elephant sitting in the middle of the living room on Thursday night, but I’m hoping it was discussed over the weekend and that you can all find some peace and resolution in your life.
No one can tell you whether or not your marriage is worth saving except the two of you. I’d have a very hard time letting go of the anger, but I can’t say with absolute certainty what I’d do. I don’t know if you have kids together or whether you even have health insurance being self-employed, so it would be presumptuous of me to tell you to throw the bum out on the sidewalk. The hard reality is that practicality may dictate staying in the marriage for the time being. But, please, do what you need to do to become as independent as you can from him in the near future. Nothing is worse than feeling like you have no choice but to stay. Having financial independence gives you some power in the situation.
Good luck to you.
I understand that you may not want to update this and have all of us pass judgement on whatever your decision may be, but I am thinking of you and wishing you well. Luck.