I was 30 when I had my first; I opted to become a single mother, because I wasn’t going to wait around forever for “the perfect guy” to appear. He did, however, appear when I was 32, so I had #2 a few weeks shy of my 34th birthday, and #3 when I was 35.
Husband is 7 years older than me, so he was feeling pretty old by that time, and his older kids were in their late teens. We put the brakes on the baby train after #3.
Not a parent (I’m only 18!). My parents were 40 when they had me (their first child of three). I believe that it has been helpful to us because our parents were able to devote a lot of attention to us when we were small children, but…I don’t think anyone has spoken about health risks to the children of having older parents. Children of older parents are more likely to be born with Down Syndrome or autism. Of course, they’re also more likely to be born with exceptionally high IQs.
I think we’ve probably posed unique challenges to our parents because we’re three strange kids, and we haven’t been well-adjusted all our lives. I don’t know how much of that is due to brain chemical imbalances, and I don’t know how much of that is due to our parents being older! It may have also been harder on our parents socially because they didn’t have a lot of friends their age with children as young as we are. But indeed they were financially secure by the time we came around, and not until the current recession has money/job stability ever been a concern.
I don’t believe that there is an ‘ideal’ age for having kids - it depends on your circumstances - and it depends to a large degree on ‘fate’, meaning - what kind of child did you draw? Yeah, sometimes it just seems like its ‘meant to be’. Or not…
Speaking for myself…my first child was born when I was 23. My second and last child was born when I was 38.
First child, born when I was young and relatively eager and energetic - required that energy and enthusiasm. Meaning, she was a ‘difficult’ child! Fussy, fretful, and slow to achieve ‘milestones’. That was 37 years ago but she turned out fine - although she is still fretful, fussy and often difficult to deal with.
Second (and last) child born when I was 38 - and easy as Sunday morning, which was good, since I definitely lacked the energy and enthusiasm of a decade previously. And now he is 21 and pretty much still as ‘easy as Sunday morning’…
Which was good, 'cuz in the intervening years I had lost a lot of energy and enthusiasm and perhaps some flexibility. He didn’t require it - he was an easy baby, an easy child, and he remains ‘easy’ to deal with as an adult.
Which just goes to show…some things you just can’t plan…
I was 22 with my first and 25 with my second. Their dad was 25 and 28 when they were born. My husband (biodad and I divorced) is a year older than me.
At 34 and 35, with a kid in 7th grade and another in 4th, we are usually the youngest parents at PTA meetings or at other school events, usually by 5+ years. Most of my parenting friends are anywhere from 5 to 15 years older than me, though our kids are the same ages.
Probably just over half of my high school and college friends do not have children and half of those who do have kids quite a bit younger than mine. I prefer to think that while I may have started earlier, I will be done earlier!
Three kids here, between the ages of 33 and 37 (we’re 39 now).
If it had just been up to me, I probably would have gone about 5 or 6 years sooner. But it’s not just up to me, of course :). No regrets about the spacing, though. It’s great the way they play together, even now (when the Tiny Boy is, frankly, a bit of a nuisance for the girls) and I’m looking forward to improvements in that area. But physically, it is quite a strain - I’m really tired a lot of the time (though part of that is that I suffer from insomnia, which is probably child-related rather than age-related) and I think I would have done better in my late 20s
Is there a point where doctors advise women to make a judgment of that risk vs. the desire to have a kid? Is there an age where it would seem “irresponsible” to take that risk? Just wondering . . .
We had kids at 23 and 27. They were close enough to sometimes go to the same school, which was nice because we usually had to carpool. When I was a kid my brother was a year older and my sister a year younger, and it was like we were the same age, sharing all our toys and friends, etc. Of course college was going to be a problem until I got a full scholarship and my brother quit to get married and have a kid.
We were in our mid 30s (after having been married for a decade) before Kid #1 was born. #2 arrived 2.5 years later.
The delay was because we weren’t ready (in various ways) for kids.
In some ways, later childbearing has worked out very well - we have more wisdom (I like to think), more financial resources (the kids have issues, which we’ve had the money to help address), and I think we deal with the kids’ issues better than, say, a 20 year old would have.
OTOH, we are both SEVERELY lacking in energy and I’ve developed some medical conditions, which affect my parenting.
30 would have been a good compromise, age-wise.
We don’t have kids but are about to start trying. I’m almost 41 and my wife is 24. We both think the time is about right
The problem with quesitons like this is they are pretty much acedemic in nature. You only know what you know first hand.
Also everything has a plus and a minus, and when you look back at things, they are usually better than we thought.
My mother was 45 when I was born, prior to that she had three other kids, the previous one at age 35. And I can tell there was a huge difference, in the way my parents raised me from my brothers and sisters.
Yes, on one hand I can see my mother and father didn’t do as many physical things with me. And that was probably a negative when I was young. But as I got older, one thing that was clear was that my parents were much more comfortable in their place in life and that reflected in my rearing and even the way I viewed the world. They were more comfortable with the decisions they made and more experienced, not only in child rearing but life itself.
Now my father died when I was 11 and my mother died when I was 16, so I didn’t have them long, but I can see from others that, I had really, and I mean REALLY great parents.
I may not have had them long but the amount of time I had them outshines everyone else I’ve known.
But as I said, I don’t know anything else, so I can’t really make a true statement
Stuff like that happens. My mom was 20 when I was born, with her parents still in their 40s then, and I still lost all of my grandparents by the time I was 23 (both grandmothers by age 7).
I love my mom, but 20 was way too young for a baby; I consider myself really lucky that my dad was a few years older than that, since he was super involved when I was small and she had issues. If I have kids, I hope to get started on that by the time I’m 35. Just got to find that right guy before then, of course… :dubious:
Overall, I think the early thirties are probably the ideal time to start a family, balancing maturity with energy.
I had my first kid when I was in my mid-twenties, and then had a couple more in my forties.
The good side of the twenties was that I had more energy, and a sort of naive passion to do everything right. The bad side was that our friends weren’t at that family-raising stage of their lives yet. The child was difficult.
Many years later, SPROING!! mid-life surprise babies! They’re not difficult children, but I am always too tired to do much with them. I have a bit more wisdom, calmness, and experience to draw on. As an old mom, I do things with them that my grandparents had done with me—lots of sitting and talking, laughing, and playing sedate games. My health never really bounced back after the last birth. My career suffered too, after the final child came along, and I could no longer juggle a teen, a toddler, a baby, and a job at my age.
They’re the lights of my life, though. Every day I wish I had the energy to do more with them. I keep reading advice on how to deal with my menopausal grumpiness and other symptoms. Every bit of advice says, “Your children are older now, so you can take time for yourself to get through this.” Shhhyeah, right.
I was 37 when LOUNE came along. My wife was 27. I never had any trouble keeping up with him. But, I played softball until I was 53 and still play racketball 8 to 10 hours a week. I had plenty of energy to keep up. I used to hear people say they should have kids in their early 20s do they can keep up. Keeping up was never a problem.
People in their early 20s have so many changes to go through themselves. Being more established financially and emotionally later on is a real positive for raising kids.
I never planned on having children. In my 20’s I could barely take care of myself let alone being responsible for a little one. Heck, I never really ever planned to get married, I was 35 when I met my husband, 37 when we married. So, a month before my 43rd birthday (July 2008), finding out I was pregnant was quite a shock!!! My husband has 3 grown children, 34, 28 and 25, plus we have a grandson who just turned one!
As for the risk being pregnant over 40, I had the numbers memorized when I was pregnant, but yes the risk is higher for Down’s Syndrome and other genetic disorders. Also the risk for gestational diabetes is higher (I had it) and preeclampsia (had that too!) We both turned out just fine afterwards, though.
Most of my friends from high school have kids who are graduating or have already graduated from their high schools and here I am with a 7 month old! It’s so funny to think about sometimes.
One of the first things I thought of when I found out I was having a baby last year was the quote from John Lennon: Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans! My husband’s first thought? “I’ll be 72 when she graduates from high school!”
I think having a child later in life is quite a bit easier for me than it would have been when I was younger. I am a much more confident person now and have alot more patience. I know to stop and enjoy the ride rather than wish she would get to the next thing, which seems to be the tendency for younger parents. I’ve been around other people’s children enough to know the things I do and don’t want to do in raising mine. My husband now appreciates every moment, he feels like he didn’t do enough of that when he was raising his first batch of kids.
Having a child is one of the best things I ever did and I’m glad she came along at just the right time in my life.