What’s the largest age gap in a relationship you’ve been in, or have seen?
For me, it was college. I know I might be judged for saying this, but in my sophomore year of college, when I was 19/20, I was in a year-long relationship with a 45 year old grad student.
Yep.
Looking back now, I realize just how horrifically young and immature I was to do such a thing. I thought he was so mature and refined. I tried to keep it quiet, but eventually, my friends found out. They had issues with it, but accepted it.
One of my friends, though, told my grandmother. My mom, strangely enough, had no issues with the relationship. She’s an extremely progressive woman (my father is actually 10 years younger than she is). My grandmother, on the other hand, is not. She’s a conservative Lutheran from Germany, and after she found out, she didn’t talk to me for two years.
When I was 35, I dated a woman who was 45 for a significant period of time. Then I started dating another woman who was 30. A few months later, I married her (the 30 YO). A year after that, she confessed that she was actually 25 years old. She told me that she thought I liked older women (based on knowing who I was dating when we met) and so she lied about her age. I’m just glad that I didn’t meet her when she was 15.
Largest age gap, I was almost 26 and she was 19. It lasted 2 months. I don’t think the gap was necessarily too big, but she was definitely too immature for me. She seemed nice for a couple of weeks, but it was quickly apparent that it was a mistake as a relationship. Oh well, I broke up with her and met my wife within the month. It was for the best.
Age gap of my wife and me is 5 years almost exactly (5 years, 22 days). She was 21 and I was 26 when we started dating. We married 18 months after we started dating. Now I’m 40 and she’s 35. 13 years married. I’m not sure if I consider it a big age difference or not. I don’t really think about it mostly. She does like to laugh at my aches and pains. It will likely cause a few issues when retirement comes around. I’ll probably end up working later than I’d prefer until she can catch up and get insured and whatnot. In some ways it’s nice because we married relatively young and had kids relatively young, so I’ll be 49 when my youngest graduates high school and she’ll be 44, so we’ll be young enough to enjoy our empty nest. I guess I would say that 5 years isn’t too big of a difference. I love her like a bee loves flowers and she manages to put up with me, so it works out.
When I was 25 I had a girlfriend who was 35. She was great, but looking back, I was a bit immature and jerkish. I regret that now.
When I was 39 I had a girlfriend who was 29. It didn’t work out for many reasons. Age was probably not part of it.
Now, I’m married to a woman five years older. It’s the most healthy relationship of my life. The age difference doesn’t seem important (and small in any event) but we’re both getting older and that sucks generally.
I’ve met a few couples where the man is significantly older than his (usually second or third) wife. I have no opinion about their lives. Live and let live I guess.
My first husband was 19 years older than me. My current husband is 17 years older. It’s definitely apparent at times that we are in different stages of life. For instance, it will probably feel weird when he retires and I go on working.
All interesting responses.
One thing that I hated about my now ex friend that gave away that information to my grandmother was that she told her everything, even things that were to be kept between the two of us in conversation.
The 45 year old that I was in a relationship with was, well, how do I put it, a bit of a spanker. He was a Psychology student, and we just wanted to explore some things. Completely consensual.
Obviously, when Grandma found out, she was like, “that grown man spanking my little Laurie!”
When I was 18, I started dating a woman who was 32. I was the youngest member of a Dungeons & Dragons group, in which most of the other players were in their 20s and 30s, and that’s where we met. We dated, on and off, for about a year and a half. My parents didn’t know about it until we’d been dating for a while, and while they were definitely not approving, they also took the approach of, “you’re an adult, and it’s ultimately your choice.”
We had some shared interests (and, the sex was really good ), but, in the end, the difference in our ages and life experiences were just too great – she had been married and divorced twice, and had been in the Air Force for several years, whereas I was a naive little college student who had not previously even had a girlfriend – and she broke it off.
My father is 6 1/2 years older than my mother. They met when she was 22, and he was 28. But, at that point, she had been out on her own, working, for several years (she was an airline stewardess). They’ve been happily married for 55 years, so it worked out for them.
The biggest age gap of someone I want out with a couple of times was 15 years. It didn’t go past a couple of dates but that had nothing to with why it didn’t work out. The woman I thought would be the love of my life was 10 years younger than me. We were old enough that the age difference only meant some of our pop culture references were different.
I have a friend who’s been married for years to a guy who is three years younger than her dad. So he’s 80, she’s 62. I will say, he seems younger than that and she seems older, or at least, 20 years ago she seemed older. I guess it’s not odd that she seems the same age now as she did 20 years ago, to me, because we see each other pretty often (and god knows I haven’t changed one bit).
Meanwhile, her dad is married to a woman who is one year younger than she is. Right, her stepmother is one year younger than she is. She has half-siblings who are younger than her own children and way younger than her step-children (who are about 10 years older than she is).
So it seems strange to me but in that family it’s quite normal. She didn’t freak out when her daughter, in her mid-20s, was dating a guy in his late '40s. Rich people.
In my early 20s I dated a guy who was 29, but not for long. He was actually way too old for me, not for my actual age but I was immature. And then my next guy was 19, only five years younger than I was but just within legal at our ages. (There is a rule. Not a hard rule, a guideline. Half your age plus 7 years. He just made it.)
Mr.Wrekker is a bit older than me. We are in different wavelengths on pretty much every subject. I am just out of Mom-mode and into grandma land. He is retired and totally into his hobbies. It’s okay though. We’ve been together long enough to know the other. I know his shit and he’s definately got my number. We co-habitate well and communicate good. So it works.
When I was 42 I spent some time with a 19 year old. I didn’t want to go very far in the relationship. I couldn’t see sitting down to dinner with her parents who were younger than me.
The largest is my uncle in Texas. He was married and divorced twice and pretty much figured he was done with marriage. He met a woman at work who is 25 years his junior, and they hit it off famously. They had an exclusive relationship for seven years until he finally decide that, what the heck, they may as well give marriage a go. They have been married now for over twenty years. He is now 75 and she is 50. Go figure.
When I was 39, I dated (and lived with) a 23-year-old woman. An interesting aspect was that all four of our parents were about the same age. The oldest of the four was actually her mother, who was 18 months older than the youngest of the group–her father. I think that had something to do with the dynamic.
When I was 28, I spent a lot of time with a 46-year-old woman. Oddly enough, I was almost certainly the mature one in that relationship.
When I was in my early 40s, I dated a woman who was 25. I worked in a university library (I still do!), and she was a grad student. Had a good time with her for a little over a year.
), but, in the end, the difference in our ages and life experiences were just too great – she had been married and divorced twice, and had been in the Air Force for several years, whereas I was a naive little college student who had not previously even had a girlfriend – and she broke it off.