Age gaps in relationships

In My Humble Opinion
21

Just under 14 years; I was 37 and he was 23 when we met. Looking back I realize that it was a mid-life crisis, and that I was just dazzled that such a young guy would look twice at dweeby old me. It lasted 2 years in calendar time, but only about 8 weeks in real time (it was a very long distance relationship, Tokyo-San Francisco).

I was so much in love at first, and I was so disillusioned at the end. He really wasn’t anything like I thought he was, and I was disappointing to him in many ways. We broke up about 31 years ago but he is still stuck in my heart in some weird way.

22

When we were married my wife had just turned 26 and I would soon be 49.

(Once before on one of these these forums I reported it as 25/50 and was flamed for being disingenuous.)

23

I dated a guy 11 years older than me for 10 years. I don’t regret a moment of it, he still has a place in my heart.

24

About 15 years.

I was 22, back packing through Asia. She was a gorgeous 37 yo Hong Kongese married to a very rich 67 yo local businessman.

She was the day time manager at the hostel which her husband owned that I was living at. She started it. At the time, an “older women” hadn’t even crossed my mind. Turned out she wasn’t getting any loving at home. Wendy had a big fat expense account so we were able to frequent nice local hotels. The sex was off the charts.

After about 2 months, she started getting stupid and had us going out in public for dinners. Some one saw us and told her husband. I told her that i would move out of the hostel, but she suggested that I’d better leave Hong Kong altogether, something about him having Chinese Triad connections. I was on the next plane to Bangkok.

25

I don’t think I dated anyone who wasn’t in the same grade/class as me until I met my wife who is 3 years 48 days younger. We’ve ben married 45 years now.

26

The biggest (not counting a one-night stand I had when I was 22 - she was divorced and 49) was when I dated a girl when I was 24, she told me she was 20, but she seemed younger, her Mom liked me but seemed a little distraught about our relationship…two months in, I found out she was 17…no matter how cute she was, I couldn’t do that, I was in grad school and turns out she was going to be a senior in HS…it was a summer relationship, but I don’t think I was have gone out with her had I known - she pursued me…

My Dad was 1 year/8 months older than my Mom, my wife is 1 year/6 months younger than me…my sister, on the other hand, whose first marriage lasted a little over a year, was a 24-year old divorcee when she married her 40-year old second husband…seems to have worked, they are 27+ years in and doing well…

27

JpnGal is 10 years older than me. Been married for 18 years.

28

When I was about 23 I dated a guy 28 years older than me. Well, I was the other woman, he also had a GF who was in her thirties. It wasn’t a very good idea, but he was a charismatic musician and I was smitten.

I had a serious relationship with a guy fifteen years older than me who is now married to a woman a few younger younger than me.

And I’ve ended up with a guy a few years younger than me. :sunglasses:

29

They began dating before he was 18. If memory serve, they met when he was 14, and it’s unclear when they began dating (probably when he was 15, possibly 16, but then again, since having sex with someone younger than 15 is a crime, I wouldn’t exclude the possibility that they’re hiding the fact that it started earlier. And she was his teacher (making it a crime even if he was older than 15). In the current era, she would likely land in a jail, rather than having their love celebrated (and ironically, Macron’s government recently passed a law severely increasing sentences for adults having sex with minors)
I’ve known two couples with, if I’m not mistaken, an age difference of exactly 20 years. In both cases, their relationship started when the woman was in her early 20s and the man in his early 40s. Both lasted for more than 20 years. The first couple divorced when they were around 55 and 75 (not because of the age difference, but because the husband squandered twice all the couple money on “bets” on the stock markets, the second time even in illegal operations, resulting in all the family assets including their house being seized to cover the debts). The second couple is still together (they’re now 45/65).

30

Have you considered that the whole “someone saw us and told him. And he has connections with triads!” thing might have been a ploy to efficiently and quickly put an end to your relationship? That’s the first thing that came to my mind when I read your post.

31

When I was 23, I dated a woman who was 42. It didn’t last very long, but I think any relationship I was in at 23 would not have lasted very long, and she was not looking for a long-term relationship either. It was kind of the definition of a summer fling. It was a lot of fun while it lasted, and we remained friends. That’s my biggest age gap.

I think the fact that we were both women made it a little easier, because age gaps in same-sex relationships seem to be a little more common than in opposite-sex relationships.

I am four years older than my husband, but it has not been a problem, I think because we are both in the same age cohort-- Gen-Xers. We have a lot of the same cultural touchstones. I think if I were in a long-term relationship with someone who was either a baby boomer, or not old enough to remember the Bicentennial, it wouldn’t work. DH and I like a lot of the same things, but more importantly, we dislike a lot of the same things. We think baby boomers think too highly of themselves, and we love technology and are good at using it, but we don’t NEED to have the next new thing, the way someone younger, who never lived before the internet, does. We like only about half of the same bands, but we recognize all the same bands, and that’s more important than you’d think. I mean, I like Alanis Morissette, and he hates her, but we both know who she is, and he at least realizes she is culturally important. I could not date someone who had never even heard of her.

My parents had a 10-year age gap, but were married for 36 years, until my father died. I don’t know that it was the happiest marriage in the world, but it worked in a lot of ways. They functioned well as far as being an economic unit, and agreeing on how to raise children, how to keep a house, how to entertain, the role of religion in the home, how to celebrate the holidays, etc. They had interpersonal conflicts, and I remember hearing fights, mostly just because my mother really had a temper, and the fights were mostly her having a meltdown over something minor. But they had no longstanding issues that came up over and over. And no issues that I would attribute to their age difference. They agreed on what to watch on TV in the evening, for example. We got only about six channels, with no cable, so not a lot to argue about, just broadcast TV plus PBS, but still, some people can fight about anything. They weren’t like that.

32

When I was 18, I pursued and dated my 32 year old neighbour. I really liked him, but it didn’t last, we were just too far apart in where we were in our lives, though we did remain friends for a few years after.

When I was 26, I met a young man in a bar. He turned out to be 18 - not even old enough to drink. We never officially dated, but we did have fun together and stayed in touch for about ten years.

So biggest gap for me is 14 years older and 8 years younger.

My current partner is five years younger than me. Funny thing is that when I first met him thirty or so years ago, I lied about my age, telling him I was five years younger, something I never did, as I always looked younger than I was anyway. He lied about his age, too, adding about five years. I didn’t find out his real age until we reconnected a few years ago.

33

I’ve had exactly two very long-term love relationships in my life. On average I was two years older than the woman. (Averages are deceiving: one was the right age to be the other’s grandmother! )

34

I’ve had more than two LTRs in my life, septimus, but as I alluded to above, the oldest (born in 1952) could, biologically, have been the youngest’s (born in 1986) grandmother.

35

I never seriously dated anyone significantly older or younger than me, but when I was in college, I had a few flings with men in their 40s. Now, I’m married to a man 3 years younger than me.

36

Age gaps in relationships. How about non romantic?

One of my best buds is a nephew that is 27 years younger than me. Wife’s brothers son. A good guy. He gives me a bit of faith in the younger generation. We play chess, talk politics and noodle around on the guitar and banjo. He’s always welcome at our house (he needs to get a 4x4 or AWD though).

37

Acquaintance was born the same year as my father and his wife was born the same year as me, so 22 years between them. Their only child is 10. Sadly, the wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer when their daughter was three weeks old and died before her first birthday. While my father is settling into retirement, this man is doing the daily school run and practicing times tables.
I’ve never had the chance to know them as a couple - we met through school, years after his wife’s death.

38

I’ve never dated someone more than two to three years different in age. The longest relationship so far (10 years) was with someone two weeks older, and it was hilarious how much that bothered her. I suspect the gap will widen, as my physical preferences limit potential partners in my age group.

39

My ex-wife, whom I’ve certainly written about in the past here, was 15 years my senior. The difference in our ages contributed to the “ex-” part, ultimately.

40

My last serious relation was with a 25 year old man when I was 55.