Its quite possible that she wanted to end the relationship with me. That would have been fine with me. The relationship certainly wasn’t going anywhere. Before she told me about her husband finding out about us, she was planning a trip for us to Thailand. In other words the whole thing was getting pretty nutty.
About a year later, I had settled across the straits in Taiwan as an English teacher. I had to leave the country every six months to renew my visa. Hong Kong was the closest place to do this, so I would call Wendy from Taiwan and we would rendezvous at one of our favorite hotels for fun times again, but no dinner dates.
We have a male friend who’s 51, and married a woman in her late twenties a couple of years ago. He’s a very youthful 51 looks-wise and quite fit, and they’re crazy about each other. They just had a baby earlier this year.
One of my cousins married a woman in her forties when he was 18. I remember it being a bit of a scandal at the time (this was years ago) but I believe they’re still together and they have a couple of kids, so I guess it was no big deal.
DesertWife was eight years older than I when we married, but since I was 36 and she was 44 it was not much of a factor at the time. However, I teased her once by saying, “Picture this: You’re graduating from high school and standing there chatting with your friends. Suddenly you’re magically whisked from Iowa to Arizona and are hovering above a back yard where stands this ten-year old tow-headed, buck-toothed kid with a finger up one nostril. You are told, ‘Some day you are going to marry that kid.’ What would be your reaction?”
“I’d say they were out of their ever-lovin’ mind!” was her emphatic reply.
OTOH, on our wedding day, my five-year old nephew set eyes on her thirteen year-old daughter for the first time, completely crushed on her, and declared she was the girl he was gonna marry. Everyone thought it was cute except the daughter who thought it was hilarious, until I pointed out to her that the age difference between she and he was the same as between her mum and me.
For me around 10 or 11 years during my younger days. When I was 17 and 18 I did a lot of longer distance motorcycle trips and with an older girlfriend I had to be far less concerned with crossing state lines. Things being what they were back then the cops didn’t seem to care if I was “underage” – just if the person sitting behind me was. I don’t know that any of us (there was more than one) ever thought about it as anything other than a lark for a while but it was good sex and fun times.
Not me but it worked out really well ----- around 40 years. A friend in his 60s fell in love with and married a girl in her early 20s; last I knew they had one daughter and were still doing good 10 years in. Both went into it with their eyes wide open realizing the deck was stacked but they have found a way to play it even as his health declined somewhat and the pressure of motherhood built. I give them a lot of credit no matter how the “end-game” plays out.
Mrs San is 7 years my junior. We met when she had just turned 20. We’ve now been married 27 years.
My oldest sister and her 1st husband. She was mid 20’s and he was early 70’s. They were together over 10 years before he passed on. Their one son together has never had to work a day in his life and probably never will.
My step mom after my mom passed was about 12 years younger than my dad.
The soon to be ex-Mrs. Guest and I are 20 years and some days apart in age.
Nearly 18 years as a couple, 1/2 of that as a married couple, untli the last year or two, we were, or well, seemed to me to be, pretty much in agreement about just about everything.
It’s funny how those age differences that are big when you’re young, become no big deal pretty quickly, and stay that way for a long time.
Then the question of retirement arrives as the older person gets to a certain age. Our kinda-sorta-plan is that I’ll retire somewhat on the late side, and my wife will retire somewhat on the early side, so that she’s going to keep working for maybe 3-4 years after I retire, rather than the 10-11 years that our age difference would suggest.
My current partner is 16 years younger than me. We have been together for 5 years.
Since we are both over 30, it feels like we are just both middle age people.
I have dated within a few years of my own age, my ex-wife was thee months older than I was. I will also admit to routinely making rather pointed jokes at most of my friends when they have dated younger women.
So of course less than a month ago I fell for a woman who is almost exactly half my age. (She’s in her early 20’s vs me in my mid 40’s.) I’ve eaten a lot of humble pie in the last few weeks since we started dating, but the big dopey grin I get whenever she crosses my mind is so worth it.
My current girlfriend is 6 years younger than I am. That isn’t the weird part though. She is also an Episcopal Priest and incredible in bed. She is also more than a little submissive and will do whatever I ask her to on demand. I have certainly never experienced that before but I have been missing something all this time. I didn’t think that I wanted to be in another serious relationship but she changed my mind.
My wife and I will celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on June 15th. I’m 39 and she’s 71. So that’s a 32 year age gap for anyone who is counting. She’s a wonderful woman and I love her. We have a happy marriage. None the less, my perspective on age gaps has changed over the years and I’d advise anyone considering a large age gap to think about the future.
In my humble opinion, 19 is too young to get married, but I was in love and I was excited and turned on by our age difference. As a teenager, I felt like a big deal dating an attractive, 50 year old woman. I was attracted to everything about her, even her three pack a day cigarette habit. I thought she looked sexy when she smoked. Twenty years later, she’s still a heavy smoker and it’s not so sexy. 60 years of smoking has taken a toll on her health. She looks at least 10 years older than she is. My cougar looks like a sweet grandmother, which she is.
In no way am I complaining because our marriage is filled with love. It’s just that my marriage is a lot different than my friends’ marriages because my wife and I are at different stages of life. I’d like to take more vacations with her because she’d really like to enjoy this stage of her life. But she’s married to a man who isn’t retired and needs to work. I guess every marriage has it’s positives and negatives. I’m lucky that my marriage has more positives.
Didn’t realize the thread is three years old until the end, but here goes:
Up until my late 30’s, I never dated or had a relationship with a woman more than +/- 2 years my age. Then I met a woman who ticked my boxes, and fit my lifestyle, better than anyone before. She was 14 years younger than me.
We’ve been together for five years now, live together, share finances, and talk about marriage. But, as she tells me, I don’t look or feel anything like a 44-year-old, in her opinion. As to mid-life crisis, I’ve felt it, but only after years of living with this younger woman. Back when we met I was a strapping 30-something with the stars aligned, in my mind.
When I was 20 or 21, I went out with a man who was my mother’s age, so 20 years older than I was. At the time I thought it was proof of my sophistication and maturity. But thinking back, it was just kinda creepy of him. Needless to say, it didn’t last.
Around the same time, there was another older guy hitting on me - not sure how much older but at least 10 years, and he was married with kids. He definitely creeped me out.
Was I emitting some sort of vibe?
Now I’m the cradle robber. My husband is nearly THREE YEARS YOUNGER than I am!!
By my mid-twenties, I was usually the youngest in my social circle, usually by 5-10 years. I just get along well with those kids from the ‘50’s. I also began dating older (~10 years) women around that time. Not sure why. Maybe something to do with growing up as the only male in the house, and youngest by 7 years?
Anyway, met my wife when I was 33, and she was 45. We’ve been together for 25 years and it’s been great.
I hung out with women 10-15 years older than me when I was in my twenties, but never dated any of them. Everyone I dated was pretty close to me in age; my wife is two and a half years younger. Ms. P dated a guy who was 40 when she was 21 and on the rebound from a long relationship, but it didn’t last long. My sister dated a guy who was 20 or so years older as well.
A friend of mine, a woman in her mid-thirties, is with a woman in her mid-fifties. On top of the age gap, the younger woman is a competitive athlete, and the older woman is overweight. The older woman also has three children from a previous marriage to a man. The pairing was so unlikely that my former husband and I hung out with the couple quite a few times before realizing that they were a couple (we thought they were just roommates/friends)!
I’ve never personally been in a relationship with a significant age gap. My dad is 14 years older than my mom though, and that’s pretty high up there will people I personally know. I think she was 23 and him 37 when they married.
I had a co-worker that was 60 when he married for the first time. She was 30. (30 year difference, for those not doing the math). They have 3 children. He died a few years ago at the age of 79.
My biggest age gap is 17 years - 17 to 34, with me being the younger one. Some people in my social circle did think it was wrong, and in retrospect I sort of agree, but OTOH neither of us were looking for anything really long-term at the time, although it sort of felt like it for a while.
My GF now is nine years younger than me. The most interesting thing about that is that it means that our friends span a really, really wide range. For example, one of the first friends of mine she met, after lockdown, was a friend who’s ten years older than me, whose wife is twelve years older than him. So his wife is 31 years older than my GF, by virtue of the steps in our relationships.
And on the other side, she has a friend who’s five years younger than her, whose GF is eight years younger again - and they were the first friends of hers that I met. So the younger GF is 22 years younger than me, and, because I had a child early, practically the same age as my daughter.
Overall, this will probably be a good thing, but it could mean that if we have a party, it could accidentally have an age range of over 50 years.
