Alcoholic neighbor driving around

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok, a little background: I am not a nosy person. Or a social person. I generally prefer to leave-alone and let-leave-alone.

My neighbor is a 53 year old lady, who recently came out of a very abusive relationship with a similarly-aged man who was an alcoholic, addict, and manic-depressive. Since he’s been in jail (for beating the hell out of said lady and holding a knife to the throat of their 74 year old roommate when they wouldn’t give him more money than the “all their money” he’d already stolen for drugs) she’s been over to my house quite a lot, looking to unburden herself, cry, get a hug (eek,) use my phone to make quick calls, etc. I’ve tried to be kind and supportive, having escaped an abusive relationship myself as a young adult.

However, every time she comes over, she REEKS of alcohol. This morning she came over to make a phone call and could barely stand up. I had her sit in my lawn chair because I was afraid she was going to fall right over. I couldn’t really understand most of what she was saying, she was slurring so badly. She couldn’t figure out how to make the phone dial the number she couldn’t remember, so she eventually left.

Not long after that, she got into her car and tore off down the road. This is far from the first time I’ve spoken to her while she’s been very drunk, then seen her get in her car right afterwards. A few times, she’s run into curbs and nearly hit people/cars while getting out of the driveway.

I am not a nosy person, but this bothers the hell out of me. I feel like I should do SOMETHING to stop her driving around while drunk, but she is not my relative, nor even really a friend, that I could have an intervention or take her keys away. I don’t know if this is something the police handle when she hasn’t actually hit anyone yet, but I feel culpable when she actually does - seems like it’s only a matter of time, and I am aware she’s out there driving drunk and doing nothing.

Thoughts? Is there anything I can or should do? What would you do? Summer is upon us and there are a lot of kids and dogs in our neighborhood - there are two schools, a high school and an elementary school, within blocks of our houses. :frowning:

2

I’d get her license plate number and car description ahead of time and then call the cops the moment I see her get in her car while she’s drunk. You could be saving a life.

3

My grandmother had this problem. I didn’t know she was doing it until the cops banned her from driving. If I had known beforehand, I’d have reported her. It’s not about friendship or family, it’s about protecting the neighborhood.

4

Totally - call the police the next time and everytime. Why wouldn’t you?

I understand you don’t want to be a dick to a woman who’s had a hard time, but it will be a lot harder on the parent whose kid is mowed down.

I get so tired of people looking the other way at drunk driving. It staggers me to think that someone wonders what they should do about it. What if she was firing a gun once a day in a random direction? I’d bet the odds of her killing a person is much higher with a car than with her gun.

5

Yeah, I would call the police. Tell them that you saw her X amount of time ago and she was clearly impaired, and you believe she is driving under the influence and poses a danger to the neighborhood.

6

Thank you, folks.

Honestly, the reason I ask is that, as I said, I’m fairly socially impaired and honestly did not know what the procedure is for calling the police on someone who isn’t actually doing something in my sight. The driveway is on the corner and she’s out of sight pretty quickly. I don’t see her weaving around or endangering anyone - I just know she was drinking not long ago. It seems odd to call the police because I think she might be doing something, and I’m not very assertive on the phone, so I wanted to make sure that’s a phone call the police would take seriously.

Personally, I’m terrified of cars, so this certainly doesn’t make me any more comfortable.

7

I’m assuming a US location. As everyone else said, phone the police. Tell them what you just told us. Now. Ask if there is a social service program that they can notify and get a direct number that you can call the next time that you see her driving drunk. The number might be 911, but I’d want to verify that.

Then write down the make, model, and license number of her car and use that number if it happens again. They’ll want to know which direction she was headed.

Someone who’s feeling social and willing to step in deeper could ask her if there’s a friend or family member (FOFM) who could help her through this difficult time. It’s possible that there exists a FOFM who could intervene or arrange an intervention. It’s unlikely, but it’s possible.

You are not able to intervene. It’s not that you’re not social, it’s that you do not have that skill and you don’t have any authority. You can’t fix her life for her. You can only protect the people that she WILL run over if she keeps driving drunk. Good luck.

8

It is a illegal to drive while impaired by alcohol. It doesn’t matter if they are weaving or hitting anything. If you know tht she’s driving drunk (and you do), then you know she’s committing a crime, and you know she presents a danger to others. You should, by all means, call the police immediately every time you’re aware of her doing this, give them the license number (write that number down next time you see her car, whther she’s driving it or not - that way you’ll have it without having to try to remember it or figure it out while the car is moving), a description of the car, the direction you last saw it moving, etc.

If you want to, you are allowed to remain anonymous, but if you do tell them your name, they won’t tell her who called them.

This is really a no brainer. She’s a danger and you have to do it. Other people’s lives are literally at risk.

9

Help as you are able and as you would want to be helped if it was you. The best thing you may be able to do is call the police as you may not be in a position to help directly, but remember that person could be you under other circumstances. She is a person in desperate need of a friend, not to feel betrayed by one.

How would you want to be helped/treated if it were you in her place?

Good luck

10

I agree with calling the police, but you also should say something to her the next time you see her in a drunken condition, that she shouldn’t be driving, like you have seen her do in the past. This isn’t about what’s appropriate from a friend or family perspective. SHE COULD KILL SOMEBODY!!

11

Oh my god, call the police!

12

She is not your relative and not your friend.

However, she is a drunk driver and she can kill your relatives and/or kill your friends by driving drunk. This isn’t about guilt trips or betraying someone. It’s about preventing a disaster, maybe not to the drunk lady, but everyone else on the road.

Call the police. Get her stopped. Get her arrested. That will get her help, cruel as that may sound to some.

13

You should try talking some sense into her first, try to get her not to drive drunk. But if it happens, don’t let it go, call the police. I hate calling people on the phone, so I always make up a script of what I’m going to say when I call. Call 911 when you see this happen. It’s OK, it’s not like a noise complaint or you need Burger King to do it your way, this is an emergency. So use something like this;

“My next door neighbor {neighbor’s name} was just at my house, and she reeked of alcohol. She went home a few minutes ago and just saw her drive away, I’m concerned she’s a danger. Her car is a {fill in the blank} and the license plate is {plate number}.”

14

In Alaska we have what they call a REDDI report. Means Report Every Drunk Driver Immediately! All you have to do is tell dispatch its a REDDI report and they know what you are talking about and get all the info they can from you. Now days with everybody with cell phones handy drunk or impaired drivers have to watch out for more than just the cops.

No second thoughts on this one. Call on her even after she gets home safe in her house. If her cars warm when the police get there and she blows a BAC she’s arrested even if she isn’t driving at the moment.

No ifs, ands or buts,get her off the street.

15

You need to ignore everything in the post I’ve quoted. Who cares if she feels betrayed? She’s endangering her life and the lives of those around her. Her right not to feel betrayed stops precisely at the point where she pours her drunk-ass self behind the wheel of a vehicle and drives off.

If she’s drinking herself to death at home, fine, consider her feelings before taking action. The second she starts making any moves that put anyone else besides her immediate self in danger? She needs to be stopped. Now.

It’s not even a case of “I can drive with a buzz on”, you said you had to sit her down she was so sloppy drunk you thought you might hurt herself.

16

My cousin was killed by a drunk driver when she was 18.

Call the police.

17

She is already committing a dangerous offence just by getting behind the wheel. The police will certainly want to know so that they can stop her - and they’re the only people with the authority to do so. Call.

18

Turn her ass in to the cops every time. People don’t need to die because of her drunk driving.

19

Why is it so hard when someone is drunk and stinks, to simply say, “wow, you are really drunk and you stink?”

I think a lot of drunks go through life convincing themselves it’s not so bad because no one ever tells them how bad they are. Sure, it’s easy to be against drunk driving, etc. Apparently, it’s unthinkable to tell someone, “hey, you’re drunk all the time, and you’re a lousy smelly drunk too.”

20

Wait till she’s more sober, have a heart to heart with her. It doesn’t need to be long or involved.

Tell her alcohol has played a negative roll in your life in the past, (don’t go into detail), and, as a result, you’d prefer she not come to your house when she’s been drinking.

“And just so we’re clear, I will ask you to leave if you do. Also I have lost loved ones to drunk drivers, I cannot watch you get into your car, when you’ve been drinking and not act. Please know that I will report you, I find I simply cannot continue to just look the other way. I’m hoping you’ll understand, but if this turns you against me, I’m prepared to accept that.”

Then do both things. Send her home if she comes over drunk and report her for drunk driving when you see it.

Script it and practice it, if you find it too ‘socially’ challenging. Think about how challenging it will be to live with the knowledge that you could have saved the child she ran over and killed, but failed to act, because it made you uncomfortable.

Life is presenting you with the opportunity to grow, stretch outside of your comfort zone, prove to yourself that you’re made of tougher stuff than you imagine, and, more importantly, to save a life.

What you going to do about it? Step up? Or step off?

Remember evil triumphs when good people do nothing.