As I type, my boyfriend is going to pick my sister up from drinking all day at a nearby bar. She never once texted or called me to let me know where she was or what she was doing. Instead, she asks my boyfriend to go pick her up with me, so that we can drive her car back.
I refused, on the grounds that A) My sister is a grown woman and is responsible for her actions, B) It is a work night and I am tired and don’t feel like driving, and most importantly C) I feel like it enables her by letting her know that she can get an easy way home without having to pay for a taxi, wait in her car to sober up, etc.
I really wouldn’t feel bad if she was 16 or something, and got a little carried away. I’d go pick her up in a heartbeat. But she’s 23 years old, has plenty experience drinking, and knew full well it was a work night and that she had plenty of time to sober up by waiting in her car or in the bar until 2am, and then in her car afterwards.
In my opinion, I think it would be ENABLING her drinking habits to give her a ride home. Obviously I don’t want her to drive. What do you think?
I think it sounds like this isn’t the first time you’ve had problems with her drinking. If it IS, then you should help her out. If not, then you have to pick your battles; she’s not going to ‘learn’ anything from this, probably, but maybe she’ll figure out you’re not a doormat, if this really is an on-going issue you’re dealing with.
Apparently, at least according to several Dopers’ assertions over the years, there are some various jurisdictions around the country where merely sitting in your car drunk and waiting to sober up before driving home can catch you a DUI, even if the keys are NOT in the ignition…
She got a ride home. What she didn’t get, and I agree that she shouldn’t have gotten, was someone to bring her car home for her so she doesn’t have to be put out by going to fetch it. If you’re going to get plastered without a DD or other transportation plan and ask someone to put themselves out by coming to fetch you in the middle of the night on a work day, you can bloody well go fetch your own car the next day.
…so how is you not going with your boyfriend (in order to drive her car back) protesting to her pain in the arse behaviour? She’s getting a free, and hassle-free lift anyway, isn’t she?
Does it mean he’ll be (or you’ll be) driving her back tomorrow to pick up her car?
I figure that if she’s old enough to drink, she’s old enough to find her own way home. Like a big girl. Who doesn’t inconvenience others.
Yeah- if it’s the first time, cut her some slack already. People fuck up, it’s your family. If it occurs on a regular or even semi-regular basis, speak to her frankly about her problem with alcohol. I would try to make sure she had a ride home but wouldn’t bother to go pick up her car for her- she can figure that out tomorrow.
Sober up by waiting in the car? Do people really try to do that?
I don’t know about you, but if I’m out late and drinking enough that this situation comes up, sitting in the car for a couple hours is not going to make me good to drive. I’ll still be feeling the alcohol, and I’ll be tired as shit on top of that! I could imagine sleeping in a car in extremis, but not waiting for hours and then driving one.
I couldn’t disagree with this more. Your family and friends should know to take responsibility for themselves and only call on others when they genuinely need help.
The scenario outlined by the OP is of someone who didn’t plan ahead when deciding to get banjaxxed, and then wanted someone else to deal with it when deciding to not call a cab. Her decision, her problem; no-one made her go out drinking. By not wasting time and energy on helping people who have made stupid decisions you can devote that to people who, despite doing their best, really do need your help.
I think it really depends on the history here. Is this a one-off or a regular event?
If it’s a regular event, I can see where you are coming from. You’re making sure she stays safe (by having your boyfriend pick her up), whilst also ensuring a negative consequence (she still has to deal with getting her car in the morning).
Your boyfriend went to pick up your drunk 23 year old sister? Bow Chicka Wow.
[/obligatory hound dog post]
Seriously, while I’d want to make sure sis was safe, I wouldn’t want this to be any sort of habit, and tell her so. It’s kind of a boundary issue, IMHO.
Yeah, I’d do this once or twice or even three times, but after the third time, I’d sit down with Sis and tell her that she needs to make sure that she’s gonna have a DD when she goes out drinking.
My best friend’s brother is serving a long sentence because he killed someone while DUI.
I have two sisters who live near me with whom I am very close, and typically see quite often (as much as a couple of times a week). Even with our very close relationship, I would be surprised, and honestly kind of annoyed, to be called late at night on a weeknight to pick them up from a bar. Now, I’d want them to call me if they were stuck, and if it was an unforeseen consequence of some kind – you know, the designated driver decided to leave them in the lurch, or something like that – I wouldn’t sweat it at all. I’d rather they call me than wait around by themselves at night for a cab. However, f they basically just went to go drink all day with no plan of getting home, didn’t notify me in advance, and then wanted me to play car switcheroo for their personal convenience, yeah, I’d be pretty pissed. And, honestly, concerned – why are they drinking alone in a bar all day?
I’d pick her up anyway, and I probably would help with the car situation for this time, but there would be A Talk afterward. However, I think not bringing home her car is justified.
I am glad you posted this, as I almost missed that she would still have a ride.
I agree with you. The OP’s familial responsibility only goes as far as making sure she is safe, not removing all consequences for her actions. Your primary concern is her, not her things.