All-purpose baby, pregnancy, and parenting thread

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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What a great thread, I’m going to be checking back regularly.

Props to all the moms breastfeeding. It’s hard, and you’re making it work, for however long you can. My little guy needed surgery when he was born for his heart and was in the NICU for three weeks. We tried to get him breastfeeding, but even though his latch was great, my supply was too slow and he’d get very frustrated. I pumped exclusively for four months and then tapered off, and boy was I happy to stop. Those four months were rough. He started off as a very sleepy newborn, then gradually forgot how to sleep even though he still so badly needed it. So I had a cranky little two-month-old who I could barely keep happy, and when he managed a half hour nap, I’d spend half his nap pumping. So glad we’re well out of that stage!

The big thing I learned with my little guy is that every baby’s different. Lots of babies, maybe even most, love their slings or bjorns or other carriers. Not my little guy. The only thing he ever liked was the outward-facing bjorn, and even that was hit or miss. He just hated being restrained in any way. Ironically, he loves being held now that’s walking and running.

The last week or so my little guy’s been transitioning to one nap a day and the effect it’s had on his personality has been really weird. He doesn’t want his second nap, but he’s so cranky without it, so he’s throwing tantrums. The big trigger is the kitchen. He loves getting in the fridge and the microwave, and I’ve tried letting him have his way, but then he ends up doing things like taking glass bottles of condiments and dropping them on the floor just to hear the sound it makes. So we don’t let him in there anymore and the consequence is that cooking dinner really sucks now unless the other parent is there for distraction. I just feel so bad sometimes (I don’t even know why) that I can’t prevent the tantrums, that I can’t just make him happy all the time. It’s ridiculous I know, it just seems like he cries a LOT. And that’s not even counting the 4am tantrums that all of a sudden started two nights ago. I think he’s waking because he’s overtired, but I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t get him to nap more than he’s napping, and there’s no comforting him when he wakes. All I can do is leave him alone to cry it out - if I go to him, he absolutely freaks out, screaming and shrieking.

Despite the tantrums and crankiness and general strangeness this past week, he’s also been so cute and happy that it almost weirds me out sometimes! After throwing his kitchen tantrum while I made dinner this evening, he turned 180 into a good mood after dinner, making kissy noises while I folded laundry, giggling in between, and then he walked over and patted me on the head. Other fun things: Sometimes he’ll lean forward to catch my eye, babble something and shoot me this absolutely infectious grin, his eyes twinkling. That’s my favorite. I would love to know what thoughts are going in that little head. He’s absolutely enamored with bubbles right now. And utensils. He shrieks every time he sees me carrying a spoon, fork, knife, spatula, doesn’t matter, he wants it!

I’m no longer sure where I’m going with this, but this too-long, stream-of-consciousness post does remind me that I need to find some mom friends with whom to share things…

62

I don’t know that this would help since babies notoriously are not into things that substitute for what they really want but I took a couple baby food jars and half-filled them with stuff like rice, noodles, oil & water & food coloring, cheerios, etc, and super-glued the lids on. They’re pretty indestructible and my baby loves dropping them to hear the noise.

I hear that. I’m about to swipe my best girl friends’ birth control pills over here.

63

Reading this thread brings back so many sweet memories. My youngest is 8 but it doesn’t seem very long ago that he was a little baby. My oldest is about to graduate from high school. They were all different, and I nursed them all (including my first who was born with a heart malformation and died at 7 months).

One thing I haven’t seen mentioned is the co-sleeper. It’s controversial to sleep with children, but I got a pack and play for my youngest that attached to the bed and it was great. Working full-time, I relished the nighttime closeness and it made nursing so much easier. Instead of getting up all I had to do was pull him close. Of course you still have to change the diaper in the teeny-newborn stage but the hassle is a lot less.

I only had problems nursing while teething with my son who’s now 15. He had razor-sharp lower incisors and actually cut me before I realized he was sawing back and forth on my boob. :eek: I toughed it out and ended up nursing him 2-1/2 years.

One piece of gear I really enjoyed was the jogger stroller. Not that I actually jogged, but the tire wheels were great and you could go off-roading a lot easier. :smiley:

64

We co-sleep. It’s one of those things that I don’t really share until it comes up, then about 50% of the moms I talk to confess that they do too. It’s so great and cuddly and I have a hard time with the idea of my tiny baby down the hall for 12 hours. The main reason I started to do it, though, is because my eyesight is so poor without glasses that even in the bassinet right next to the bed I couldn’t see her, and I was a bundle of anxiety for the first few weeks. I got maybe 10 hours of sleep the first 5 days of her life. Co-sleeping kept me from losing my mind.

We put her to sleep in her baby-proof room on a thin ikea mattress on the floor, and I go lay down with her if she wakes up and starts really crying. Then when I’m ready for bed I take her with me, or go sleep in her room. The bed on the floor in her room is great, we are going for a Montessori-style bedroom. Sometimes when she naps in her room she’ll wake up and start playing with her toys, or come crawling out looking for me. She’s so sweet.

Baby sleep is so controversial for some reason. It’s the thing that seems most likely to illicit tsk-tsk faces from people. Not on a nap schedule? Not sleeping through the night? Allowing your baby to nurse to sleep? Letting baby sleep in a car seat? Worse than Hiltler!

65

Wow. That’s awesome, Ellen Cherry. I don’t have the family support to do this, been threatened from all corners with intervention if I attempt to go beyond one year-ish. Subject for another thread, probably Pit-ish in nature and I just don’t have the energy today. I do have a few questions though when you find time. How did you deal with biting? I’m gettting chewed up here, and really struggling with correcting the behavior. Baby insists on hanging on for dear life even in her sleep, and breaks the skin even as I try to insert a finger to unlatch her. It’s hard to relax and let the milk flow when I’m tense and prepared for another bite. Sam was sleeping through the night from months 2-5, but stopped and has been in my bed nearly every night since, waking up six or seven times each night to nurse. Is the dry winter air causing her to be thirsty? I’ve tried warm room, no covers. Cool room, white noise, her dad’s t-shirt as a blanket… nothing is working. What else can I try?

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So excited about this new baby! less than 3 months ago!

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Holy shit. You know this, but whether and how long you choose to breastfeed is NOBODY’s business except yours, the baby’s and your husband’s. You have every right to tell these people to fuck off - or, more politely, to do the Miss Manners thing of cheerfully repeating ‘Yes, I’m still considering that. Why did you say breastfeeding was a terrible idea again?’ every time anyone gives you hassle, so they get to explain to you repeatedly why they’re right, while you peacefully do your own thing.

Widget only bit twice, but each time I let out a loud ‘OW!!!’ (not on purpose, just because OW) and she burst into tears. Once she calmed down and I put her back on the boob, I kept a very close eye on her, and when I felt her thinking about biting (the rhythm changed), I said ‘Ah-ah, no,’ and that stopped her. The other method I’ve heard about is putting them down when they bite - instantly stick them on the floor for a minute. That way they learn that biting = removal of food and huggles.

That’s the five-month sleep regression, and I wish to God someone had told me about it when Widget hit five months and instantly quit sleeping through the night. Same as you, I thought she was hungry/thirsty - we started her on solids and all, but it made zero difference. Basically, something happens to their sleep cycles around that age - they start moving into lighter sleep more often, but they don’t yet know how to get themselves back into deep sleep, so they wake up. And, especially if they’re breast-fed on demand, they figure the best thing to do when you wake up in the middle of the night is have a nice snack.

As far as I know, the only thing you can do is wait it out.

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I get a little pressure to stop at a year too. Luckily our pediatrician is firmly in my corner and it’s easy for me to say doctor says keep nursing. At my baby’s nine month I told her about some people’s concerns and she told me that I’m not allowed to stop before one year, and she’d like to see me go to two. Because if it’s not causing ME the one who has to do it any problems it’s like giving your baby a multivitamin every day.

I for one cannot see why anyone cares. It’s my body and it doesn’t hurt anyone. People can be so weird about it.

69

Same here - I don’t get why anyone would have a problem with it, or why they would tell me if they did. My mother-in-law got a bit freaked out every time I breastfed Widget in her house - made sure I was in a separate room where nobody could gods forbid SEE me - and after the first few months she did a lot of asking whether I was STILL ‘feeding her’*, but to her credit she never once suggested I should stop, even when Widget hit her second birthday.

*No, now that she can run we’re letting her do her own foraging

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Although I have read things on mommy sites like “My husbands wants my boobs back, they were his first teehee!”

71

Re the weaning thing: my in-law family is large, opinionated, and insufferable. They’ve already been making noises that I’m nursing more for my benefit than my child’s, which is infuriating. I don’t take the bait, but I’ll defend myself here to the choir if ya’ll don’t mind. She’s plump, she’s healthy, and she’s well-adjusted and even tempered. Affectionate. I would say breastfeeding is more economical than formula, but who am I kidding: I’m starving. I eat every waking hour and I wake up to eat. My grocery bill is higher than ever. But the kid’s thriving, and I’m sure not doing this because it’s fun. I love the cuddles, but she’s nine months old and very very busy, so nursing has become a lot more labor intensive. Requires stopping all distractions, a dark room, etc. Plus, she’s gnawing on me like a rodent. I’m doing this for *her *benefit; for our future benefits as a family. We’re bonding and I’m immunizing her against every bug that sets up house in my domain. This is a very deliberate, conscious effort that I don’t want extra credit for, but I don’t want diminished, either.

Whew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. About the sleep thing, thanks for the info, researching now. Well-baby check-up tomorrow, anything I should ask the doc?

72

This is a good place for ranting :-). And if you find out a way to work with the sleep regression, tell us, OK?

I’ve heard that one before - ‘Nursing after x age [x being the age at which the speaker weaned their kid] is for the mother’s benefit, not the baby’s!’ I’ve always wondered what it means, and whether the person saying it has even thought about what he or she means by it. Does the milk stop having health benefits on the kid’s first birthday? Does the mother suddenly start having to force the poor unwilling child onto the boob? (Because that was not us. Given the choice, Widget would still be nursing at three and a half.) Or does it mean that anyone who breastfeeds for more than x months must enjoy it and therefore it must not be good for the baby, because only things that make the mother suffer are for the baby’s benefit? Because that attitude is a big part of what creates the classic Irish Mammy Martyr Complex.

How many Irish mammies does it take to change a light bulb?

Don’t mind me, son, I’ll just sit in the dark.

73

My husband’s never had any opinion about whether I should breastfeed or when I should wean, but he’s actually the only person from whom I’d accept an opinion. We’re all in this family - if he had felt (or if he feels this time round) that not being able to feed the baby was interfering with his bonding with her, or something, that would matter. Anyone else can bugger off.

Although the ‘wants my boobs back’ thing might weird me out a bit - the idea that they can’t be sexual if they’re also for feeding a baby…

74

Agree totally. And ditto on the sex thing. I haven’t had any trouble switching gears. Cuddling with my child doesn’t feel the same as cuddling with my partner, either. What’s so hard to understand?

75

Today my little girl is four weeks. It’s been, interesting, to say the least. The labor was incredibly easy, but we had to go back to the hopsital because her juandice levels were really high. She had to spend the night and it got a bit scary. She’s doing much better now. She eats so much, she’s our little tubby-lumpkins.
I surprised myself with house fast I took to this “fathering” thing. It just feels natural.

Surprised, but in a good way: I never would have guessed just how much I like it when she sleeps on my chest. I know it’s one of those things that aren’t going to last long, so I’m enjoying it while I can.

Surprised, but in a bad way: How can such a little creature have such a loud voice? She doesn’t cry when she’s hungry, she yells. Loud. In my ear. Frustrating as hell.

Surprised, but in a funny way: It cracks me up when she grunts after I feed her. She’ll be swaddled and look like a worm and all you hear is grunting as she moves around.
My wife is an absolute chance. She tried to breastfeed but there was latching issues. So now we supplement, the wife pumps and breastfeeds when she gets a chance.
Overall, I kinda like her. I’m just tired. So very tired. I’m in my last month of college and these last weeks have been exhausting.

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It gets easier,** RandMcNally**. Because of stress, this may be a good time to relax the rules and expectations you two intended to stick to. If breastfeeding/pumping is important for you both, maybe try the latch again. A lot changes in four weeks, and it sure is easier to lie down and nurse in a dark room than to heat up a bottle and worry with temperature. Co-sleeping, too, may be a temporary solution to getting more sleep. That may displace you to the couch or guest room for a couple weeks, but bonding with your child comes easier when all are well-rested and clear headed. You’ll have plenty of time to return to your intended routine once school is over. Congratulations!

77

We co-sleep too, and I completely agree that people are crazy about it. I try not to let it get to me, but it definitely grates. My mother and grandmother have both said to me in the last week or so that we “need” to get the baby out of our bed, to which my response has been, “Co-sleeping is working for our family. When it stops working for our family, we’ll move on to something different.”

My husband and I just had a sort of check-in with each other on the topic. My son hit another transitional period/ rough patch, and was sleeping really poorly for a couple of days. We talked about whether we should move him to his crib, but ultimately decided that walking to the end of the hallway every time he fussed, instead of moving him to the other arm & rocking him a bit without getting up, was not a good tradeoff. Plus we would miss moments like this morning - the baby woke up before we did, so we woke up to the sound of him shaking his pacifier to make it rattle and giggling his little head off. Then he proceeded to climb all over us like jungle gyms, laughing and babbling all the while. It was, honestly, magical, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything (not even a night of sleep without someone’s foot in my ribs).

Love the picture of your little girl! We had the exact same newborn rocker, and it was the only place my son would sleep other than our arms for the first couple of months.

My husband still loves having our son fall asleep on his chest or in his arms. I have so many heart-meltingly adorable pictures of them together. I’ve said that watching my husband become a father was kind of like going from a 2D world to a 3D one: I’ve been in love with that man for almost nine years now, but when I first saw him with our baby, it was like something unfolded in me, and I knew a whole new level of love for him.
As for me, my sweet boy is pulling himself up on everything, with all the resulting bumps and bruises that entails. I’m in a really good place right now, as I’ve completely finished pumping and mostly finished being sad about not pumping anymore (it helps that I still have probably another month’s worth of milk), and my husband seems to have really and truly recognized that telecommuting is not the same as being a stay-at-home-mom. I’ve also reconnected with the unschooling community, which is helping me get back into the peaceful parenting mindset that I always wanted to hold. Ian is so, so much fun right now - the only thing I’m really waiting for is SPRING!!! so we can get out of the house a bit more.

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awwww, cute!

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So I have a new dilemma. My DD is waking up 3-4 times during the night for the past month crying or walking into our room, and in the process wakes both me and my husband up. I am sleep deprived and cranky, plus most of my days are spent driving for 4-6 hours back and forth from North East Arkansas. I can’t afford the lack of sleep.

So far we have tried gently placing her back in bed, saying a prayer with her when she wakes up crying, getting stern and telling her she is not only keeping herself awake but me and her father as well (her twin brother is sound asleep through the whole night!), making her stand or sit in time out, and yes we have spanked. NOTHING works. I need some advice.

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I also get comments about how I’m “still” breastfeeding at 13 months and have no immediate plans to stop as it’s working so well for us. Oddly enough the other mums from my antenatal group are the worst - most of them stopped between 4-6 months and seem to have agreed that that is the “right” time to stop. They’ve made comments about how I’m clearly only doing it for my benefit too - quite often whilst my daughter (who knows what she wants and how to get it) was busy disappearing down my top to help herself. Yes, clearly she’s reluctant!

Eve has never slept through the night - a good night is one when she only wakes up two or three times - and she feeds back to sleep. We co-slept exclusively for the first four months, mainly because she flatly refused to sleep in her Moses basket, and she usually ends up in our bed most nights, when I get sick of jumping up and down to go to her.

My refusal to do any kind of sleep- training or controlled crying is another source of controversy between me and the other mums. I’m sure I would feel differently if, like them, I had decided to go back to work, but as I didn’t, I’m in no rush to do something which goes so against my mothering instincts, so we muddle through and take it easier on days which follow a bad night. Right now we are cuddled up on the sofa together ready for a morning nap!