I’m not dating, not on the market. I don’t spend much money, and don’t require much to be spent on me. There are others like me and the OP, especially in the natural sciences, arts, and environmental studies programs at school.
Under 20K does not say “don’t have conspicuous consumption” it says “I’m dirt poor and need someone to pay the bills.” At least on the surface. If you knew the guy personally you might know he is someone who is hardworking and working towards a goal. If you are just someone looking at one of many dating profiles its weird looking Karate Kid Crane Stance pictures and dirt poor. Click. Next. That is reality.
Despite the anecdotal “data” thrown around in this thread, Asian males are almost indisputably the least-desired cohort. I once read a study on it, actually.
Ah. Here it is:
http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/racialPreferences.pdf
“[W]e can reject the hypothesis of equal preference against partners of other races for white, black, and Hispanic subjects, owing largely to the greater preference against Asian males by all other races.”
Ouch.
Unfortunately, as it says, women are pickier than men when it comes to race, though I suppose everyone knows that already - think of how Asian female/white male pairings vastly outnumber white female/Asian male pairings. Then there’s the media component - have you ever seen an Asian man in the lead role on a, say, romantic comedy? No.
So you face some headwinds for sure. But you’d improve your chances a lot if you didn’t seem so needy and…I don’t know, obsequious. For example, don’t ever ask a woman if you can kiss her. That’s a huge turnoff.
Separately, my girlfriend’s going back on the market in like three hours. You want her number? Just kidding about the second part.
Apparently not that many. Hence the OP.
Yeah i was going to agree with it when it was brought up but only had anecdotal evidence. That has been my experience too. Seeing an Asian woman with a man of any race is unremarkable. Seeing an Asian man with anyone other than an Asian woman is rare and noticable. And I live in an area with a very large Asian population.
Hey, I know it isn’t helpful but I’d have considered messaging somebody like you when I was doing the online dating thing (actually I did message somebody vaguely similar, and of course he evidently looked at my profile and was all “ew, gross, she eats meat and hates downward-facing dog” and didn’t respond, but hey.) And I find Asian men perfectly attractive.
The thing is, some people have totally gotten it right upthread - we can’t help you because you are doing something wrong in person. That’s a better OKCupid profile than the vast majority of profiles. That isn’t the problem. It’s something you’re doing live. I’d be happy to tell you if I knew you IRL, but I don’t so I can’t. But it’s something there.
So the only other advice besides “do more granola stuff in groups” is “ask your friendzone girls or somebody live and in person”.
You’ve got a good face. You also need to smile. Ditch all of the yoga shots except the one where you’re on the post because it’s odd in a good way. Get rid of all other shots where you aren’t smiling. If you think, “Gosh, I don’t have pictures of myself where I’m smiling to replace those shots” there’s part of your problem. Lots of pictures where you are smiling, especially pictures with friends.
I’d shorten the hell out of the profile. One sentence answers to most of it. I found myself wanting to skim it but worried there might be a deal breaker in it. That’s bad. Don’t think of the profile as someone’s chance to get to know you. Think of it only as an icebreaker where they have the idea that you might be interesting. Everything you put in the profile will feel to the reader as if you are limiting your pool down based on those criteria. But you want a wide pool because, frankly, since you haven’t been in a relationship yet, you can’t be sure what it is you really want from a relationship yet. Don’t narrow it down too quickly!
How is the first thing people notice about you the fact that you don’t remember their names? I found that answer extremely off-putting, even though I too forget people’s names. I’m not saying a flaw can’t be amusing, but I sincerely doubt (and hope) that it’s not the first thing people notice about you.
In the OP, you show how many times you’re fallen for friends. In a way it’s a good thing that you are able to maintain friendships, but it still made me think that maybe you were just gunning for anyone with a pulse.
There’s been some good advice in here, so I’ll stop there. I think you’ll get it figured out, and good luck.
That is certainly changing, and really only applies to the US. That study is 5 years old. Have you heard of the Korean Wave?
There are tumblrs, blogs, youtube videos, facebook pages, etc devoted to asian men run by heterosexual females.
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/sexy-asian-men
It may have been true in the past, but there are plenty of Asian men, non-Asian female pairings now a days and it is increasing. I had a HUGE crush on a guy in high school who was half black (mom) half Japanese (dad).
The results of that study reflect a cultural sentiment, similar to 1960s America and non-black female/black male parings or black female/non-black male parings which we can now see isn’t the case anymore. The stereotype that non-Asian women find Asian men less attractive is also changing.
Also lose the one of you in the ranger outfit holding the camera.
Comments like “I don’t need to be taken care of” and “I don’t require much to be spent on me” miss the point: having somewhat equivalent disposable incomes is about being able to share interests/activities. I certainly don’t need to be taken care of, either, and no one ever needs to spend money on me, but any guy I date does need to be able to pay for his own movies, shows, travel, drinks, etc. If you don’t spend much money then you don’t need someone who makes (i.e., can spend) much money – but I bet a relationship with someone who does spend “much” money wouldn’t work long-term. It’s not about how much money gets spent on you, it’s about how much money each of you can spend.
I think in areas with a large Asian population it stands to reason that non-Asian females with Asian men would seem less likely than in areas like mine, with a fairly low Asian population. Seeing an Asian guy with a non-Asian female isn’t remarkable at all, plus if they have kids they are almost always the cutest babies you have ever seen.
I’m glad to hear it’s changing. I do see it is changing, but it is so slow. It doesn’t help that it gets bantered about that black men have huge cocks and Asians have the tiniest cocks. I mean, people don’t understand what “average” means and they also don’t understand the tiny, tiny, fraction of a difference there is.
But until it changes in Hollywood and we regularly see mixed-race couples it won’t change. Black men still date & marry black women in movies & TV (except, apparently for Will Smith). Unless it’s the focus of the movie. You may see Asian-white couples, but it’s rare, and it’s almost always white man/asian woman.
Plus admittedly Asian parents often have their hangups about racial purity, too. I know I would have gotten a gigantic huge wedding, in India, paid for, if I had married an Indian man. Since I didn’t? I got nothing.
When I watch BBC TV I see lots of mixed-race couples, because Indians are so integrated there they are more British than Indian now. And it’s not even commented on. It’s just a thing.
Anyway all of this is a hijack, but an interesting one nonetheless.
It’s not about women looking for a man who could spend money on them. It’s about having compatible lifestyles.
I make a fairly good income as an engineer and have no debt. I’m not looking for a boyfriend to spend a lot of money on me. I wouldn’t mind dating someone who made less money than me, but I wouldn’t want to date someone who made a lot less money than me. I like to go to concerts, movies, restaurants, go on vacations, and do other things that cost money. In a serious relationship, I would want someone who could do those things with me. I wouldn’t mind paying for my boyfriend’s dinner or tickets sometimes, but I don’t want to date someone who I’d have to do that for most of the time.
Also, seeing a profile for a guy that makes under $20,000 would make me wonder what would happen when he has money trouble. Would I have to be giving him a lot of rides because his car has broken down and he can’t afford to get it fixed? Would he fall behind on his rent and need to borrow money from me? I can afford to loan money to friends and don’t mind doing it, but if I can avoid a relationship where that will be happening, then I’m going to try to avoid it.
The under $20,000 is definitely a red flag for many women looking on dating sites. Not for all women of course, and probably not for a lot of the outdoorsy vegan women, but it still could be an issue for him.
Reply, you come across as a nice guy in your profile, but too humble and serious. Also, take very seriously the advice about the photos and change yours pronto. I also like the advice upthread about talking to a friend about this, and encouraging them to be brutally honest. I would recommend you ask one of the female friends you went out with, if possible. You might also want to consider expanding your age range upward. You never know. 
Hope this thread is helpful.
if OP is still interested you may want to check out a page like this
That is assuming you even like white girls, which you may not
I’ve seen you mention this baffling assertion a few times now so I have to ask: It’s a friend’s job to get their friends laid or they’re users?
I’m looking at the profile again and I notice the very first line turns me right off:
My self-summary
What is real is beautiful.
What does that even mean? It sounds pretentious and strange. I probably wouldn’t even get past that.
A reminder once again that okcupid is not for analyzing yourself or the beauty of the world around you. It’s for you to sell yourself and your attributes.
The salary might not bother me immensely since it does say he’s going back to school. So he might be making more money.
“The first thing people notice about me” should be a physical feature. Put in an attractive light. “green eyes” or a “shy smile”.
This is a good point. That bothered me too, though I couldn’t put it into words.
I’m trying to help. Look, what the OP is doing isn’t working for him and he asked for ways to change it. Don’t freakin give me shit because I am actually giving him the advice he asked for.
Yeah, and that’s why you and your girlfriends are still single.
Of COURSE I have a point. It has nothing to do with “PUA schtick” or Napoleon complexes (aparently Troppus imagines me as being under 5’8" or something). If someone posts a picture that makes them look, for all intents and purposes, like a day laborer, and asks me why they can’t get a date, I’m going to tell them that it might be because you look like a day laborer! And if they follow up with a bunch of Karate Kid poses, that doesn’t sweeten the deal!
If you want to look “outdoorsy”, get a bunch of photos with some friends building a Habbitat for Humanity house with a bunch of kids or doing a Tough Mudder race or mountain biking or some shit. And some color besides “brown” would go a long way in his wardrobe.
People talk about “confidence” but I don’t think that’s necessarily helpful. Usually it’s specific behaviors or mannarisms that need to change or actions that need to be taken. “Confidence” just gives you the courage to take those actions. But one can confidently take wrong or counterproductive actions as well.
I can’t see how the OP acts around women. I can only go by what he posts. I would have to say one action you can take is STOP hitting on your friends.
Sorry if I missed this as something you’re already doine, but I think you should take a vegan cooking class.
Honestly, I think the only vegans that can meet and date non-vegans are super hot chicks that would get dates even if all they ate was cat turds and expected the same in a partner.
As you are not a super hot chick I think finding like minded folks in a vegan cooking class would be a good way to go - you’ll meet folks with similar food interests, which I think may be at least part of your problem.
I would be uncomfortable dating someone who described themselves as vegan, only because there is a lot of baggage with the term - I would assume (possibly incorrectly) that my leather shoes would be an issue, and the milk I like in my tea would be an issue, and the wool that I knit with would be an issue, which is a lot of issues for someone I haven’t even met yet. I would either modify your profile to indicate that you’re a vegetarian, or focus your dating pursuits to vegan centered activities. FWIW, if you don’t already, you could try posting on some vegan focused boards - vegpeople.com might be a good fit - at the very least you might find some good recipe ideas. 
FYI, I’m posting this as someone who ranges between full on vegetarian, to lacto-ovo vegetarian to pescetarian to whatever the hell I am now (a regular eatatarian, I think).