Vegan *is *a rather loaded word with lots of connotations. Maybe leave it out altogether. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it, unless you want the girls you meet to be vegan too.
If you’re going to stick with your “I know you are, but what am I?” brand of insults you should probably at least try one that comes closer to sticking. Her first comment in this thread indicates that she’s not in the market so although it’s probably super fun to try the “THAT’S WHY YOU ARE A SINGLE WOMAN HAR HAR” it doesn’t pack the same punch when the words are right on the page that shows how silly and off you are.
mssmith, I don’t have any single friends, they are all in relationships with men who go outside. Some have money, some have less, but all have degrees, though some professions (teachers) pay less than retail managers. If I had any single friends, I would point them in the OP’s direction. If he dates women who share his interest, money isn’t nearly as important as it apparently is to women you date. Some of us don’t mind making a bit more than our mates.
You’re 28. I don’t think that’s all that late. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Stop the sniping. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, no matter who thinks it’s stinking up threads. And those who disagree are permitted to do so.
So both sides: let the other have their say, without disparaging comments. The end.
So, in summary: in order to get dates, you should stop being vegan, get rich, and stop being Asian. 
Right, next question!
I was thinking focusing dating pursuits on chicks who dig Asian vegans with limited funding, but your approach would work too…
Saying this as a girl in your age range, my impressions from viewing your profile:
- The vegan thing. Sorry, I know you “value life and biodiversity”, but even though you claim you won’t get militant about it, no way in hell would I go for a guy that I’d have to change my whole cooking style to accommodate. A regular run-of-the-mill vegetarian, maybe. But you come across as only being compatible with other vegans. Food is a big deal. It’s a three times a day, every single day for the rest of your life, big deal.
My advice: Start hanging at your local food co-op and try picking up vegan girls there.
- Very little concrete stuff about who you’re looking for and what kind of life you eventually want with her. Do you want kids? Do you want to settle down? Do you want a girl who’ll live in an endangered Redwood with you? There’s a lot of stuff about the oneness of being, but not a lot of what I or another girl can expect when we meet you.
My advice: Think about what you want out of life, I mean *really *want, and what sort of person would want to share that with you.
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This is a nitpick, but you have two lists of movies you like, and one is the “zero emotional impact” list. C’mon. Just say that you like those movies. It comes across as hipsterish “I only like these films IRONICALLY!” nonsense. You’re allowed to like some brainless fun things.
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I concur with someone else: Stop poaching on your friends. It’s not working out for you and is quite possibly ruining friendships.
As for being Asian and not rich being points against you, fuck that noise.
Here is a little story that you could rewrite a thousand different ways. We had a guy in our town who was short, not goodlooking, had a fattish look to his face but was only about 30# overweight. He could be seen at all the places that were happening but never with a girl. He was needy, insecure, boring, had no style had basicaly nothing women were attracted to. One weekend the local club was having a dance contest. Not much competition that night and he happened to win it. Overnight this guy reinvented himself, clothes changed, walk changed, hairstyle changed, he suddenly became a dancer like overnight. He sold himself to himself! A week later girls are all over this guy, he has confidence now! A year later he is married and just doing the young married couple thing.
Some of your swithches have not been flipped! Get passionate about something, anything, let the girls decide what you have to offer.
It’s not really about the money. Or really about any of the interests the OP puts on his dating site. After all, people date all sorts of people. From what he describes, the OP is either doing something to turn off the women he dates, or he is dating a certain type of woman who may have issues of their own. Or he’s mis-reading their signals causing things to get weird. I would focus on that.
Thank you all for the feedback. Wow, I didn’t expect so many responses in half a day.
I’m still reading through the rest, but I wanted to respond to a few of the themes so far…
- I definitely do other activities – hiking, climbing, biking, yoga, blah blah. I work with two non-profits and I don’t have time for more volunteering. Anyway, where I live these activities don’t necessarily lend themselves to meeting new people, mainly because it’s a pretty small town and there are no public MeetUp groups or similar that I know of. It’s usually friends and friends of friends and for the most part we all know each other already.
I do these things because I love them, and if I happen to meet anyone, great. I don’t go to them to be on the prowl. I’ll keep doing these things.
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I hear ya that I’m coming across as desperate and needy and overromantic and all that sort of stuff. All of that is true, I have to admit. (I think it’s to be expected given how little experience I’ve had.) So how can I become less needy even as desperation continues to increase?
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Regarding the granola stuff – this isn’t some judgmental holier-than-thou thing, it’s just who I happen to be. I’m not some macho alpha male and would never want to be one. I faked it for a while, got stronger and such and it certainly got me more attention but it’s not who I am and it’s just silly pretending.
I’m “just” vegan and agnostic and I am absolutely not pushy about either – in the least. I changed the OKC profile to reflect that.
Anyway, the point is that this really is who I am/want to be and really the kind of person I’d be most interested in meeting. If the sad reality of that fact is that this kind of person in the body of an Asian male is utterly unattractive to hetero women, well, that sucks… but that’s who I am.
I’ve certainly wondered and struggled with the idea of eternal celibacy. I realize it is a very real possibility in my case. But does it really have to be that extreme? Is there nothing I can do to improve my chances without sacrificing the stuff I actually like about myself? Stuff like building more muscle mass – is that really that important? It seems laughably shallow to me, but I’m not a hetero woman so I dunno.
Anyway, I’ve read up to post 40 so far and will continue pondering and reading the rest later today. Thank you all again.
I agree that it is changing. But saying that means it is still a thing. I never said it was impossible to find a non-Asian female who likes Asian men. It’s just that it narrows the dating pool.
Oh, yeah, and as for my income there’s nothing I can do about that right now.
I will try to get less girly pictures on OKC. I always knew that was an issue and tried to find the least offensive ones I could but I guess it still isn’t enough (sigh). Is it unusual that I don’t have that many pictures of myself to begin with? (Not a spotlight kinda guy. Much prefer to be behind the camera than in front of it.)
I’m not actually afraid of beautiful women – at least not to the degree that you all seem to take it as. It was meant to be a lighthearted statement but I will remove it since that’s definitely not the way people are reading it.
One thing that I find confusing (not to be argumentative; I just really don’t understand): What do you mean by trying to be more “fun” about the whole dating thing? I am looking for someone to partner with, not to get drunk and party with. You’re saying that’s the wrong approach? Or what do you mean?
I guess I’m a pretty serious, intense person when I really think about it. Not overbearing, just focused on the things that matter to me. Is that a bad thing?
The article is four years old. I agree that it used to be the case that Asian men were not as desired, but I think that the tide is turning on that and quickly. My son is fourteen, and race makes very little difference in the dating habits of his age cohort in our area of the country. That will create some lag for a guy like Reply, who is older, but is isn’t the showstopper it was ten years, or even four.
If you try being bisexual, you’ll double your potential dating pool
You are looking for a first date not a soulmate. You are not being successful. You think you are not overbearing. You could be wrong. As I said above, ask someone who will be brutally honest with you. Find out what you are doing wrong. I have a feeling you are being too intense with your desire to find a life partner instead of a date. That is off putting to those who want to get to know you before they start picking out baby names.
Yeah, its a bad thing for dates 1 through “some period of time when its appropriate to be serious and intense.” For a girl you meet at a Sierra Club rally, serious and intense might be date two - about the Sierra Club. But not about your life view. It might be date six or date sixteen - and if its date never that isn’t the girl for you.
Fun isn’t necessarily “get drunk and party” - fun for you might be biking or hiking. Watching stupid movies like Zombieland. I had a first date where we played tennis (badly). Being vegan is tough for dating, since many of the typical fun and unintimidating first date activities are food based (go out for pizza) - and its easiest to eat vegan at home - and cooking at home is not a good “not serious” activity for early on - so avoid it.
I’ll throw my vote in your favour - you’re usually brutally honest, and I appreciate that about you.
Good plan. What you’ve said here is kind of what you need to get across in your profile - “I’m this guy who likes these things, but I don’t expect my significant other to be as into them as I am.”
Oh, honey, no. Calm down - you will find someone. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just not average, so you can’t just settle for someone average. Of course, I remember people telling me that when I was about your age, and I didn’t believe them, either (married for ten years now at 45). 
Oh yeah, the muscle mass thing - totally not important. Personality is about a billion times more important than getting more muscle mass.
Does that only work for women? Because I know plenty of well-off guys who don’t encounter major lifestyle problems dating cocktail waitresses and undergrads. Realistically some women are dead set on a man who can provide a “lifestyle”, while some women don’t really care if they end up being the breadwinner. And plenty of women are just as broke as the OP.
That said, I have on occasion filtered out the very low earners because there are just so many guys out there and anything you can use to narrow down the field helps.
If I get to know you, though, income wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me, but it would depend on the story. Being a broke hot musician is a different story than being a dim fast food lifer. Being a grad student is different than being a landscaper. If you are broke for reasons that aren’t that you are lazy, bad with money, not too smart or otherwise undesirable, it’s probably fine. But you do have to get through that initial screen. In the OP’s case, I’d suggest choosing the “prefer not to mention” option. It won’t look shady- plenty of guys use it when they make absurdly high salaries and don’t want to just meet gold diggers.
One thing I noticed is that under personality it says that you are “worse-mannered”. Perhaps people are picking up on that, and not giving you a proper chance.