That was so great that I just wanted to put it out there again for you to read…
Wallow, CRY, grieve for the loss (and it is a loss, a loss of potential, of friendship, of companionship), and then move on. Please allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief, and not force yourself to skip any of them (there’s a reason that humans cry when we’re hurting). And please, don’t be any harder on yourself than you would be on any friend going through the same thing.
bear, you want I should come and play hag in person for awhile? I can look like I’m in drag, if you prefer…
Does this mean we will get you back in chat from time to time? I’ve missed you.
I’m sorry that things didn’t work out, honey. At least he wasn’t a lying ex-convict. Or straight.
Aw man. What a bummer. I hate to hear this kind of thing.
But, you are a terrific guy, and so what else is there to say? I know everything will work out well for you. My good thoughts go out to you. What a great guy you are. (Did I say that you are a great guy? Because you are. 
)
I know you said you didnt wan’t pity, so I won’t offer any.
But I can empathize. And it will get better.
Hang in there.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by gobear *
**
Isn’t it nice to know a lot? And a little bit not…
And also
And
[/quote]
What was that?
Was that me? Was that him?
Did a prince really kiss me,
And kiss me… and kiss me…
And did I kiss him back?
Was it wrong? Am I mad?
Was that all? Does he miss me?
Was he suddenly getting bored with me?
Wake up! Stop dreaming,
Stop prancing about the woods.
It’s not beseeming.
[/quote]
Anyway, thanks for the kindness you guys have shown. I will move on and repress those feelings.
Good idea. Find yourself some comfort and joy, while you’re at it. Find some reflection and quiet, too. Be yourself, by yourself, for a while, and resist the temptation to “rebound”, if you can.
Bad idea. Mourning after ‘What Was’ is healthy, and too many men fail to do so. Embrace the hurt, but don’t wallow in it. Soon you’ll have had your fill of it, and can move on, clean.
Hey, what’s this with the “no wallowing”, Tranquilis? I specifically gave gobear permission TO wallow! You’re going to get the poor guy all confused! (insert large smiley here to indicate no anger present in post)
If he’s busy being all confused, he’ll be too preoccupied to feel bad…?
Nah… Wallowing (as I understand it) is indulgent. He’s a guy, fer cryin’ out loud! We don’t want self-indulgent guys about, do we…?
<duplicate ‘this is not serious’ smiley from featherlou’s post>
Bah. Bah, and bah again.
When you’re ready, my darling, dearest gobear, you give me a call, and ol’ Always Single Esprix will teach you well on How to Enjoy Being Single. I might also recommend bringing along several cans of red paint, 'cause we got a lot of town to cover.
(Oh, and MrV, you crack me up. “Riding With Boys In Cars” - 
)
Esprix
Thanks, **Featherlou and Tranquilis, but when it comes to releasing emotions, I’m the straightest straight guy you ever saw. It’s not that that I don’t feel–I do, intensely–but I have a horror of anyone seeing me vulnerable. Besides, I’m 40 now, so I just have to accept the reality that love and romance are for other people, not me.
With this kind of attitude, seems to me that you’ll be just fine and can confront whatever feelings you have, no need for repression or wallowing of any kind.
I WISH I was that strong gobear! I’d be out of this horrid relationship I’m in now, been rid of her for the past 10 months, and probably be much happier.
Your venting may just be my inspiration.
Keep that attitude, and you’ll be right. Tough and straight is all fine and well, but trapping and blocking will kill you. Look at me, a 37-yo white male, military veteran, Christian, and father. I defy you to find anyone more straight. If I can do it, you can, you just maybe need a bit 'o help. Take Esprix’s advice, and go blow off some steam. If you can’t do it directly, do it indirectly, and go have a blast.
And then go find some romance.
Oh, nonsense. Don’t make me come over there and “chastise” you. You can’t have love and romance after 40? Don’t tell that to my mother. She and my stepdad met when she was 55, and they’re still being quite icky 16 years later.
A little Auden for you, gobear:
There’s nothing wrong with loving someone more than they love you, gobear. It always ends up hurting in the end, but the important thing is that you loved someone and were honest about your feelings. It sounds like you gave yourself hell’s bells to Matt, and he didn’t feel the same. I actually respect him for being honest about his feelings, too, because otherwise you guys would just be lying to each other.
It’ll hurt like a bitch for a while, but a year from now, you’ll be cuddling in bed with some amazing, awesome guy who always makes you laugh, surprises you with your favorite ice cream when you’re sad, and reads sci-fi to you before you fall asleep. And you’ll be so happy that Matt walked in and out of your life when he did, or else you might have missed out on this guy.
I think you’re already an amazing, awesome guy who will make someone else incredibly happy. You have a wealth of wonderful qualities, first and foremost a big, warm sweet heart.
{{{gobear}}}
Oh man. gobear, I’m so sorry you got treated in such a manner. I know you don’t want us to slam him, but he made love THEN dumped you? Wasn’t really making love then, was it? I’ve lived this, and it sucks.
You’ll find the right one, he’s out there. I’ve faith in true love, or as the Pastor at the end of “The Princess Bride” said, " Twue Wuv Pwevails !"
Cartooniverse
True…
My gosh, gobear, I’m sorry for your setback… but what a great show!!!
Sorry. Carry on with the agony.
Whoops. Sorry again. 
- Rick
Hey gobear,
What Nacho4Sara said. You will find the right person. He’ll probably sneak up on you when you’re not looking, but you’ll find him. And when you do, you’ll know it.
Zap!
Update:
Matt called last night and said he wanted to talk. He said that he had acted like a (his words)“fucking retard.” I told him I agreed. He said he didn’t want to break up, but that he was afraid to commit lest we break up later on. :rolleyes:
I’m not going to rehash the discussion, but my major points were:
[list]
[li]A relationship is a process, not a destination; you should ask if you’re enjoying it now, not if you’re going to enjoy it in a putative future.[/li][li]You can’t get into the game if you’re not willing to risk something.[/li][li]Stop jerking me around.[/li]
So we’re going to get together tomorrow night and decide if we can make this work, or just walk away.