Always amusing Florida police blotter.

[stpauler]

I’ve actually bookmarked this for my daily cup of Schadenfreude.

Some favorites:

…a Florida teenager shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he recently purchased at a party, according to police.

Police said 18-year-old Michael Smeriglio first lied about the incident, saying someone shot him while he was walking down a street. After being questioned by officers, though, he admitted to accidentally shooting himself, police said.

Doctors said the bullet went through his penis and left testicle before lodging in his thigh.

or this:

The incident began Sep. 2nd when the victim and his two friends went to the Paddy Wagon Irish Pub in Port Charlotte. When the bar closed early Monday morning they invited two girls they met to one of the friend’s home on Atlas Street in Port Charlotte. One of the women and the victim went into a bedroom to have sex. The girl said she needed $250 which he said he didn’t have. She asked how much he had and he gave her $120. The victim then went to the bathroom and when he returned, found the two women had left the home.

The victim had obtained the woman’s cell phone number earlier at the bar and called her; they agreed to meet at the Pick N Run store on Peachland Boulevard. When he got there he expected to meet the woman who took the $120; instead, Linscott walked up to his Nissan Sentra and said the other girl ditched her. Linscott got into his car and as they drove off, he said she began touching him and having sex while he was driving. The victim told detectives she also said she needed money and he told her he already gave her friend $120 earlier. The victim said Linscott then put a .357 Taurus revolver to his head and demanded money. The victim grabbed the gun and a fight ensued in the moving car; he said he punched her in the head so she would release the gun. He told detectives he was in fear of his life and lost control of his car, struck a palm tree, went airborne and then ran across two front yards in the 1200 block of Dewhurst Street. Linscott got out and fled the scene.

or just simply:

The report said James then confessed that he has a “pill abdication problem.”

[gotpasswords]

The little city of Arcata, California has a similar writer for its police blotter.

A few recent samples:

@The Arcata Eye

The interplay of vehicles at a four-way stop usually works out OK in terms of turn-taking, and the vehicles wait for each other and then proceed in a sensible succession. But if the delicate ballet breaks down, rage may ensue, and did when two motorists thought they had the right of way near the Plaza. When one went first, the vanquished driver addressed this injustice by following the other, clinging to his tail as he proceeded into traffic. The stalkery ended when the first car pulled into the <police department> parking lot.

A lower H Street resident complained of a tow truck parked in front of his house, but was told that as long as it was parked in the street, there was no violation. He called back to report that he had confronted the tow driver about parking there, and that their bellies had touched, making him uncomfortable.

A man was reported refusing to get off a bus. Someone called 911 on a cell phone, so the call went to the CHP, which relayed it to APD. When an officer arrived, the man had made an inelegant exit by tripping, falling out of the bus and breaking his wrist. After a trip to the hospital, he went to the place for people with addled brains.

Leaving fungible items, or just shiny objects of any kind on view in your car, even in an isolated Weott Way parking lot in broad daylight, only ensures that the interior will be devoid of anything except granulated safety glass when you return.

A man complained that a skunk outside his Lewis Avenue door was “acting weird and ignoring him.”

Drums vilified far Highland Court
With their sleep-wrecking insolent snort
Police roved the ’hood
Found the sitch was all good
As the pounding had done an abort

Continuing the theme of rude skunks, an 11th Street resident reported that one had walked up to his front door and died.

[SCAdian]

Somewhere I saw similar reports from an Alaskan police blotter.

[Dendarii_Dame]

A pill abdication problem? What, it can’t perform its duties without the woman it loves?