I’m in agreement with those who’ve commented that the fact that you “can tell that shes genuinely distressed” but “don’t give a shit” is pretty effing cold. Whether you’re a bitch in general, I dunno.
Here’s the thing: Comments about harming oneself may seem melodramatic, but I’d err on the side of caution:lorene had it right when she said that you ought to at least point this girl in the direction of a counselor if you don’t feel like dealing with her.
Well thanks for all of your replies everyone, whether they were nice or not it matters not, it was what i was expecting and i’d probably begin to wonder about all of you if you let some of those comments i made go… they sounded quite harsh.
I really don’t think that would help. I may be a bitch but i’m not a two faced bitch, i’ve been offering my advice all day today and when she pissed me off i let her know about it. She does talk crap sometimes.
I think that deep depression would be quite an exaggeration, one of my other friends told me today that she had heard her tell the same story to other people. I’m beginning to think that it’s rehearsed. I have never experienced depression myself, and i am fully aware that it is a very real and serious problem that anybody can experience at difficult times and it is not something that people can just wish away. And as for the use of the word friend, yes that is what i mean, i’ve known this person for about 6 years although i’m not sure how many more years this thing is gonna last.
Some people just need to be told the truth about situations to help them get a grip on reality. I hope this helped your friend and that it wasn’t the wrong approach, i can imagine this stratergy going wrong with some people.
Personally i think she’s talking shit.
That is a perfectly reasonable comment, seeing as you’ve judged me on this thread and don’t know me, which i can’t blame you for. However, i know that i am a good friend most of the time and have some wonderful friends to prove this. I don’t expect you to believe this and if i was judging myself on this alone i would hate me too.
Yes she is.
One thing i am is honest and i never pretend to like people i don’t. However, i don’t completely dislike this person, shes just trying my patience lately. A lot.
In my experience they don’t but i do realise how much of a serious issue this is. I just don’t think that it is an issue on this occasion.
As for a club, that sure sounds like fun.
So she’s telling multiple people she’s depressed. Why are you assuming it’s rehearsed instead of, maybe, having some basis? If you trust your friend that little, I’m not sure you should be advising her.
Seriously guys, i no longer see the need to be so concerned now that i have spoken to her face to face. Please stop assuming that i am a horrible person and shouldn’t even be allowed to be anybodys friend.
First of all, just because she’s repeated her feelings to friends numerous times, doesn’t mean that it’s “rehearsed” or that her depression isn’t real. Perhaps she’s trying to find the person most receptive to helping her and she’s reaching out to a variety of folks in any way that she knows how.
Secondly, if you’ve never experienced depression, it is indeed a difficult concept to grasp. Before it ever hit me, at the age of 28 (7 years ago), I thought it was all just something in your head, an attention-grabbing ploy. However, I think karma bit me on the ass but hard. Anyway, it is definitely a serious problem and it can be more than just difficult to deal with nor, as you stated, something that one can just wish away.
Lastly, this may well be something your friend will have to deal with long-term. Months, years or even decades is a possibility. If you don’t see yourself helping out for a long time, just simply tell her that so she can seek out support else where. Being close to anyone with these problems is trying at best and self-defeating at worst. I wouldn’t recommend it for my worst sworn enemy and I’m talking about myself. So, if you’re not up to it, tell her you care but you can’t handle this. Suggest she get help from a trained professional, consider self-help (in the form of books, tapes, online support groups, whatever) and mention the chance that medication may be the answer. Other than that, I think you already know the answer yourself on where your tolerance lies.
Good luck to her.
Just tell her all the unis want is an A-C grade.
Because if she’s that neurotic about bloody GCSEs (AKA the most stressful yet easiest exams you will ever do) I’m guessing she wants twinkly little A*s.
Which mean Sweet FA to the average uni, despite what your teachers tell you.
Just do what they tell you, relax, time manage your papers and YOU CANNOT FAIL THESE THINGS.
Please see above. This. is. not. a. serious. problem.
And you are qualified to make that diagnosis because . . . . ?
irishgirl, i have been telling her this but shes only aiming for 5 Cs. I have also told her that stressing about it aint gonna help and being calm is the best way to pass exams etc etc but some people are just stubborn.
Also, sorry for the multiple posts, i can’t keep up.
Contrary, I have seen her. i know her well enough to tell when its genuine and when it isn’t. I know. This is not genuine. She is stressed, yes, but name one 16 year old who isn’t right now. I really can tell when the people i know are genuinely messed up about things like this. Really i can.
Blimey, Salty not really a very encouraging reponse for your side of the arguement is it?
From the sounds of it you’re in the same situation I was in and have delt with it in a similar fashion. The tone of your earlier posts was a little harsh, but I’m guessing that’s more your bark rather than your bite?
Glad to see that we have 3 members for the international insensitive bitches society (IIBS); at our next meeting we plan to go and kick small puppies then laugh about it 
Cheers,
DC
Ok, Here’s what you do.
You put yourself, your exam results and your mental health first.
You say " X, I know you’re stressed, so am I. I suggest that if things are really bad you talk to a professional. Phone the Samaritans, get a referral to a counsellour, your GP or something. I can’t deal with you right now, I have my own things to focus on."
Now, if she’s being a DRAMA QUEEN the lack of attention will soon sort her out, and if she’s actually in crisis she needs proper help which you are not qualified to give, so you point her in the direction and leave.
Yes I know I’m being very harsh, but I spent the whole of my GCSE and A-level years coping with the fall-out from friends with self harming and eating disorder issues.
Very REAL issues.
Which I was not equipped to deal with, not being a trained professional and all.
You’re 16.
You SHOULD NOT be acting as her main support if this is serious, and if it isn’t then she SHOULD NOT be laying this on you.
So although this is partly me being bitchy and PMSing, it’s also advice coming from personal experience.
Good Luck.
I’ve been suffering from depression since high school. During this time, a lot of people said, “oh, it’s just a phase” and “he’s just looking for attention.” If someone said, “hey, you need to see someone about this - this isn’t healthy or normal”, then, well, things may have been different.
I agree with irishgirl - it sounds like you are not willing to deal with this. Nor should you be forced to do so if you don’t want to. Your friend may need counseling or medication or at least a sympathetic person. You aren’t any of these things, so let her find what she needs.
SaltyCaptain,
Personally, I never meant to imply that you don’t deserve to be anyone’s friend, but that perhaps your heart really wasn’t in it with this particular friend. I also am unfamiliar with the exams you are facing, and had no idea that you and your friend are only 16.
I still do think this girl needs to be pointed in the direction of a counselor, and perhaps you need to tell a teacher/guidance counselor/whatever about her threats. If she is just being melodramatic, that might stop her from crying wolf. At the very least, it suddenly becomes someone else’s responsibility to make sure she does herself no harm, and you can get on with your studies and mental health, as irishgirl pointed out should be your priority.
This is a subject I take very seriously, given my own troubled past. But, in thinking further about it (and I know you said we could all stop talking about this, but perhaps this thread will help someone else, too), I do recognize how unfair it is for one individual to make their friends resposible for keeping them safe—all of a sudden, this person has given you heaps of responsibility and no authority. If she does need help, a trained professional will take over that responsibility until such time when she can manage her own safety.
Again, it seems that you are really wanting us to put an end to this discussion, but this IS IMHO, so you’ll certainly get lots of opinions.
Well, you should have thought of that before you posted and ASKED us straight out, if you were an unfeeling bitch!
:rolleyes:
I’m going to go with pretty goddamn cold. I remember my best friend from high school blowing me off when I was first hit with depression.
See, it’s not about her faking it-it’s that you said, “well, yeah, even if it IS real, I don’t really give a shit.”
Personally, I could do without someone like that for a friend.
But that’s just me. See, I have this crazy little quirk that I like my friends to actually CARE about me.
Wacky, I know.
Everything else aside, we all have people we call ‘friends’ but the mark of a true friend is someone that you know that you can reach out to for help when you most need it, and they willing put their own problems or priorities aside to help you. And they don’t make it known they are doing you a huge favour.
Surprisingly, sometimes the ones who actually come through with the help are not always the ones you considered to be your closest friends.
Salty C, from everything you’ve said here, I can’t think of why you would continue to be friends with this person…except maybe you need her more than she needs you…just a thought??
Lots of you have offered helpful advice, and whether it is relevant or not i thank you for it because as someone said earlier, it might help someone else in a bad situation. Guinastasia, i was only asking whether my initial reaction to a melodramatic conversation was so wrong. I am very sure of my judgement when i say that this person is merely an attention seeker, since she didn’t get a whole lot of sympathy for her performance she’s given up completely and is now back to her usual levels of whining. And yes it was a performance, it was the most unconvincing one i’ve ever seen too.
There may have been cause for concern after the initial conversation i was speaking about in the OP but after that i heard her portraying her situation almost as something to be proud of, there were tones of smugness in her voice that made me feel ill to listen to. I don’t think faking severe depression and panic attacks is a good thing to do. Yes, i am certain it was fake. I asked her what these panic attacks were like (in a sympahetic way, i’ll have you know) and she simply said that she started crying. Who hasn’t ever been in that situation?
Judge this as you will but from what i have seen i do not think that there is any reason to be concerned. I have offered the best advice i can to her, i have told her that being stressed will only lower her chances of acheiving better grades and if she calmly studies she will sail through the exams and i have told her to speak to her mum who can help her more than i can.